Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The park was on the outskirts of town which only made this semi-okay, there are no houses around and most likely no one would travel this far at night to go for a walk, yet as Axel and I continued to carry Megan towards his car I couldn't help but think what would happen if we were caught.
The police were in my pocket, most of the time. They didn't deal with our situations as long as we didn't disrupt the city. I can't say the city doesn't know that there is a mafia situated within it because most people knew the last name.
But what would happen if someone just stumbled across us.
Would that be a situation that I have to go against every moral I have and kill an innocent by-stander. That wasn't me, I held myself to a higher standard than killing civilians.
I held Megan up as Axel opened the backseat seat of his vehicle, before carefully laying her down on the seat. No matter what she did, she was like my little sister, yet I knew that whatever she did there would be consequences, something I could not do.
I climbed into the front seat, dragging my hand down my face, "what the fuck are we supposed to do with her now?"
"You wanted answers, I gave you time to get them," Axel shrugged before starting the car.
"I need you to drop me off at home, Veronica is coming tomorrow." I stated.
"Are you seriously going through with this?" He asked, pulling out from the curb.
"Axel, I'm not going to force you to take on something you don't want, you've never wanted this, nor have you shown a desire for it. My life is already fucked up so why not just be a little more." I shrugged, turning back to find Megan still knocked out cold.
Am I seriously going through with this? It has been a question floating through my mind since Roman decided this is what needed to be done. To marry a woman, not for love but to give some shitty mafia some protection because they don't know how to keep their mouths shut.
Axel deserved a better life, he had been their throughout my years of torture. He deserved to find love, and this marriage along with the mafia is something I know he would never love.
I won't know until I meet her if she's being forced into this, but when I do, there will be no doubt in my mind that this is for status and has no relationship attached.
"I need you to watch Megan, she can't disappear off the grid again," I tell him as he starts the descent down the road toward my house.
"I'll find a place, will you come by in the morning?" He questioned.
Would I? "I'll try my best."
The lights are still on when we pull in the driveway, yet the van that was parked outside the gates is now gone. I step out of the car, and watch as he pulls out of the driveway.
Last normal abnormal night.
Walking up the steps I can't help but think about what will happen tomorrow. Does he expect me to have a ring for her, does he expect me to be affectionate.
I can't do that.
I twist the ring on my hand when I step into the house, it's clean. There is something about the smell, as if she had never been here, as if the candles she placed around the house had no smell to them anymore. This didn't smell like home, this smelt like an empty house, one that has no love or happiness.
I slump down onto the couch, undoing the chain around my neck, slipping the ring off and into the palm of my hand. I simply just stared at it, what else was there to do, there was no use for it.
"I need you to tell me what to do," I whispered.
"I need you to tell me that this is the right thing to do, that pressurving Axel's happiness is something that is more important. That this isn't betraying you, that you understand why I have to do this." In this moment I felt fragile, as if my heart was breaking all over again.
As if she had ripped it out and left.
Looking down at the silver band on my finger, I slowly slipped it off. I knew he hadn't noticed it when he was in my office, and I knew the minute he saw it, I would never see it again.
Placing both on the chain, I put it around my neck once again. Both burning against my skin, as if they were caught on fire.
"Please understand."
I slowly got off the couch, no matter how much my body wanted to stay buried within it. The stairs seemed an impossible trek, but climbing them almost felt like I was floating.
This was it, this was our goodbye.
I reached my room, pushing the door open to find it exactly how I left it. A solitude of my mind and heart laid in this room, she would never get to see inside it.
I'd make sure of that.
I laid on top of the covers, completely dressed, what was the point of this anymore. Really, what was the fucking point? It is like my life is a constant disappointment, as if all the happiness it could ever achieve has been sucked from the earth, as if she was the only thing that could bring me out of the dark. I let her light consume me once and this is what I am left as, a shell.
There is no darkness, there is no light.
I'm just empty.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket;
Axel: We are all good.
Me: I am going to drop by tomorrow before anyone gets here.
Axel: What are you planning?
Me: I don't know, I need moral support.
Turning it off I placed it on my nightstand.
I don't know when the headache stopped or when I slowly got lost in my mind. I preferred it this way, my mind was a wonderful place, graced by the presence of her.
