That Pretty Fake Smile

|11|-Acceptance

Third Person's POV
Zayn was driving to Cyrus's house. He was unusually silent. He was still shaken up from the previous incident. His eyes were red and he looked a little pale.
Cyrus felt guilty about everything that happened. Thinking it's his fault.

It all happened because I am a bloody coward who can't accept the truth.
I went there to forget Zayn but in the end, here I am with him. He was looking so hurt. He was hurt because he thought someone hurt me. His intentions were pure and I yelled at him. Called him monster. I feel awful. I am always so harsh with him. It's enough now, I will stop being a coward and accept my true feelings. I will treat him right from now on. I won't hurt him again.

"Zayn..." Cyrus called and the younger boy hummed in response

"Are you mad?" the older guy asked

"No" Zayn replied softly

"Really?" the older guy asked

"Yes. Why would I?" the younger guy replied, giving Cyrus a soft smile

It's true he is not mad but he is hurt. The incident earlier brought back old memories that Zayn tried so hard to forget. Their words keep ringing in his head like a broken record.

Monster

Disgusting

Worthless

Ugly

Useless

Save me!

Brother!

Just stop these voices. Please! Just leave me alone! Please...

The drive came to an end as Zayn stopped his car in front of Cyrus's mansion. Cyrus wanted to tell him to stay but was hesitant.

"Umm... Wanna come inside?" the older guy asked

"No, I will pass" Zayn replied calmly, not even giving the older guy a glance

He was ashamed. Ashamed of how he broke down in front of the Cyrus. How he looked so weak. Cyrus even called him monster. He was pretty sure Cyrus hates him even more now because he beat up an innocent guy.

I messed up everything. Like I always do. I am sorry.

"Come on, stay the night" Cyrus insisted

"No, I-"

"I am not asking" Cyrus said sternly

Zayn sighed as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He gets off the car hesitantly. Cyrus lead them inside, straight to his room. Cyrus closes the door behind them and they both stand in the middle of the room. It wasn't awkward. Zayn was looking at the room and Cyrus at Zayn

While Zayn was analyzing Cyrus's room, Cyrus's mind was wondering about the previous incident. He thought how Zayn always has this calm and positive aura around him. He has known Zayn for 2 years but he has never seen Zayn loses his cool. According to him, Zayn is always happy, cool and a funny guy to be around with, who don't give a shit about what other people say or think. Even if someone will say insult or other shit, Zayn always reply sarcastically, never once get angry or lose his temper. So when he saw Zayn furiously beating that guy and then later crying, he got so shocked.

Cyrus realized that it's not like those insults never get into him, it's just that he is so good at pretending that he is fine. He is good at lying that he is happy. And that realization made Cyrus feel more horrible than before about how badly he always treats him.

"Nice room" Zayn said, pulling Cyrus out of his thoughts

"Yeah" Cyrus said

"I am sorry. I really messed up, didn't I? Do you hate me more now" Zayn asked calmly but inside, he is feeling so scared and anxious. He doesn't want Cyrus to hate him even more. He loves Cyrus and it hurts him how much Cyrus hates and thinks badly of him.

"Stop apologizing. Whatever happened was my fault. I chose the wrong guy to hook up with and worse, I got drunk. I am sorry" Cyrus said

Between all those chaos, Zayn nearly forgot about the hook up part. Now when Cyrus mentioned it, the pain in his heart came back. He noticed the hickey on Cyrus's neck. It feels like that hickey is taunting him that how Cyrus will never like him. Even though Zayn never expected Cyrus to like him but still knowing that Cyrus sleeps with another person hurts him. He couldn't help the lump he was feeling in his throat. He couldn't help the tightening feeling in his chest but still he smiled at Cyrus and told him it's okay.

"I am sleepy. Where is the guest room?" Zayn asked

He is not sleepy. In fact, he thinks he wouldn't be able to sleep at all tonight. He just wants to be alone. The incident that happened in hotel, brings back his childhood and twin brother, Zack's memories. He doesn't want to recall them now because whenever he recalls those memories, he cries. He doesn't want to break down or look weak in front of Cyrus. Again.

"What about dinner?" Cyrus asked with concern because he remembered that Zayn doesn't eat breakfast.

"I already had" Zayn lied. He can't eat now. He is pretty sure he will puke out if he eats with all those horrible memories lingering in his head

Maybe what happened was not a big deal, in fact it was quite funny but with Zayn's past, that incident just refreshed old wounds.

Cyrus nodded and lead him to the guest room. They said goodnight and Cyrus left. As soon as Cyrus left, Zayn locked the door and laid down on his side on bed, curl up in a ball.

"I miss you Zack. I am sorry" Zayn whispered as tears roll down from his eyes

He was really exhausted. So lying there, humming a song to distract himself from thinking, he didn't realize when he fell asleep.

On the other hand, Cyrus also fell asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. They both were exhausted but before sleeping they had each other in their minds.

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