Frosty Wind Made Moan

16

16

Tobias continued to wear that smug smile as he took a drink from his glass and Toby stepped a little further away. He called this version of himself Tobias, because he couldn't recognise him as a real older version of himself. Tobias seemed cold, despite that smile and Toby had never thought of himself as a cold person.

He didn't know why the old man had walked away, taking that protective magic with him, but he wished he hadn't. He didn't like falling under the gaze of his future self. It felt like Tobias held Toby under a microscope, examining every part of him, as though reviewing pictures from a bygone age. Toby felt uncomfortable under that gaze.

"It's strange, looking at myself from twenty years ago, knowing that, back then, I looked at me and thought how strange it was." Tobias gave a little laugh, but Toby felt no humour from the words. "If I remember correctly, he's just brought you back from the past, right? He showed you our mother and father arguing. He shouldn't have done that."

"Why? All it did was show that things weren't how I, we, thought they were." Toby moved so the desk sat between them and Tobias turned in his chair, keeping Toby within sight. "How could seeing the truth be a bad thing?"

The older version of Toby stood up and moved to a nearby cabinet. When he opened it, Toby could see an array of bottles, glasses and an ice bucket, all lit up by strong lights that made the gold coloured insides of the cabinet shine and reflect light upon Tobias' face. He topped up the drink in his glass and added an ice cube.

With a long, drawn out sigh, the older Toby sat back in his chair and sniffed the contents of his glass. He glanced at a picture frame on the desk and Toby realised he had seen it, but not paid much attention to it. As though he could read Toby's thoughts, Tobias turned the picture frame around, showing Toby the picture. It showed this older Toby, stood with their father, arms around each others' shoulders, laughing to the camera.

"You see, he thinks that showing you all these things will stop you turning into me. 'Father Christmas'." He said those words in a mocking fashion and looked over towards where the old man stood. "Of course, when I was the you he brought here, he didn't leave you for me to see. It's complicated for a twelve year old to understand, but this chat we're having didn't happen before."

"Then, this is different?" Toby glanced over his shoulder at the old man, but he stood like a rock, showing no emotion at Tobias' words. "How did you know the old man would reveal me?"

"I didn't. When I came, the older version of me never saw the younger version. Never saw me. 'Father Christmas' over there kept me hidden. But I watched and saw that older me and I learned more from him than from any of the other visits." Tobias rose from his seat. "I saw what a strong man can get. Look at this place! I have everything I ever wanted and more! Money, cars, the best gadgets. Oh, and you wouldn't believe the latest consoles. It's like actually being in the game! I have them all. All the best games."

By now, Tobias had walked across the room and stood right in front of the old man. With the glass in his hand, the other hand in his pocket, it looked as though Tobias challenged the old man. Wanted him to say something, but the old man held his silence. Even though the old man still stood far taller than Tobias, it felt like he tried to intimidate the old man, but the old man appeared unconcerned.

"And you got it all by evicting people? At Christmas?" Toby took another look at the picture Tobias had shown him and wondered why there wasn't a picture of his Mum on the desk. "Why would that make me want to be like you?"

"Because it's everything we want! No bullies for us, Toby, because we're the bullies. We see what we want and we take it. Edward, back in the past? He had the right idea. Get rid of that dead weight that can drag you down." Turning away from the old man, Tobias almost jumped towards Toby, wrapping his arm around Toby's shoulder, almost crushing him. "He got rid of that stupid servant girl. We got rid of our dead weight. We're rich, we're happy and Dad's in our life! What do we care if a few deadbeats can't pay their rent? They're basically stealing from me anyway. They deserve everything they get."

Toby shrugged himself out from under the arm of Tobias, skipping a few feet away. As Tobias had held him, Toby had smelled the drink on his breath and the strong aftershave that almost made him feel sick. This version of him seemed to have taken Edward as some kind of role-model, but Toby hadn't seen that as the lesson the old man had wanted him to learn.

In silence, he turned away from Tobias, taking in the rest of the office in which they stood. To one side, a big, leather sofa faced a wall, a glass and chrome coffee table before it. On the coffee table, Toby could see a vase filled with those flowers Mum liked so much. Peonies, he thought Mum called them. He didn't much care for flowers, himself. On the wall, in front of the sofa, was a huge tv screen and, after tilting his head, he could see something like a console in a cabinet below the tv.

"How's Mum?" He turned back towards Tobias. "Mum loved these kind of flowers, but you don't have her picture on your desk. Why?"

"Yeah. Well." That smug smile left Tobias' lips and it was as though his entire face darkened. Looking away from Toby, Tobias took a long drink from his clinking glass. "Like I said, Toby. Best to get rid of that dead weight."

With the back of his hand, Tobias wiped his mouth and then shook his glass. Empty, he turned back towards the drinks cabinet, filling the glass once again. Toby didn't think that Tobias was as happy as he tried to make Toby believe. It looked as though he had everything, but Toby could feel a sadness about this older version of himself. He couldn't think what could have turned Tobias away from their Mum, to consider her 'dead weight', but something must have happened. Something bad.

At the other side of the room, the old man still stood like a statue, watching the proceedings between Toby and Tobias in silence. That seemed strange, too. The old man didn't talk much at the best of times, but he had said nothing as Tobias had squared up to him. Nothing as Tobias had mockingly said 'Father Christmas'. Had given no advice and no pithy words of wisdom. He had said nothing at all since a few minutes after they had arrived.

"Did you know this was going to happen? That he would see me and say these things?" Toby stepped towards the old man and he could feel Tobias' eyes following him. "He's right, I don't understand. If this happened before, but I, he, wasn't seen, how can he see me now? It's really confusing."

"Little things, Toby." For the first time in long moments, the old man stirred and spoke. Those ancient eyes fell upon Toby, pressing those years down upon him. "Little things pass and are easy forgotten."

That sounded familiar. Toby felt certain he had heard those words before, somewhere, and not that long ago. Or, perhaps, long ago and far away. It stirred a memory in Toby and he had a sudden thought. He frowned, looking over to Tobias, who appeared to find the exchange between Toby and the old man both tiresome and confusing. Tobias shook his head, taking another drink. He seemed to drink quite a lot.

"What happened when you saw Leopold, after his father left the room?" Now he felt the eyes of the old man upon him, anticipating, urging him to continue. Tobias scoffed, shrugging his shoulders. "The boy, in the past? You just mentioned Edward, so you remember it. What did you do after Edward left the room?"

"I don't know. It was twenty years ago!" Tobias sniffed, curling his nose. Toby, however, moved in front of him, standing much like Tobias had stood before the old man. "Nothing, alright? I didn't do anything. He sat there, crying his eyes out beside his bed and I couldn't believe how weak he was. His dad didn't even hit him, but he cried his eyes out! Pathetic."

Toby's eyes snapped around towards the old man and he saw some of that kindness return to the bearded, moustached face. That was what was different. That was the significance of the old man saying 'little things'. Toby had comforted the young Leopold. Tobias had not. Toby had talked to Tobias. Tobias had not become seen by his older self.

It was as though the old man had given Toby not a second chance, but a third. Or more. He wondered if the old man had performed this same trip around the world and through time more than this number of times. More than the twice that Toby knew about. Regardless, if nothing else, after talking to Tobias, Toby had no intention of becoming him. If for no other reason than he wouldn't treat people the way this hateful version of himself did.

"Let's get out of here." He walked towards the old man and accepted the offered hand. "I expect Tobias wants to be alone on Christmas Eve. He's probably used to it."

Even as he said it, he could see Tobias begin to reply, but the world folded in around them. The office disappeared, not in a flash of light, as they had entered the future working space of Tobias, but it simply wavered away and soon Toby found him and the old man floating upwards once more. Borne aloft by winds that felt far more gentle than before.