It Should Have Been Like This

Book Twenty-eight: change - laughter

Lavender's viewpoint

   I waved my hand to shoo the person away. Whoever the person was, he was disturbing my sleep. I knew it was a he and knew who the he was because he is the only he with big hands in the house. What I couldn't understand was why he was waking me up at the middle of the night. What happened to me getting a good sleep today? I was still tired from the stress he has put my body through, and of course, jetlagged. Rominic of all people should know never to wake me up because I'm a monster when that happens.

Wait, he did know that.

   I opened my eyes sharply and turned, looking over my shoulder to see his face. Rominic looked extremely worried and confuse. I rubbed my sleepy eyes as I pulled myself up to sit, yawning a little. "Laverne, Rylee needs your help, like woman to woman help."

   "What happened? Finally told you what's wrong?" He nodded. "Does it have anything to do with Phineas?"

   "She's pregnant," my eyes widened with disbelief, I blinked puzzledly. "Yes, she's pregnant and she won't stop crying..."

  "And you left her," I whispered harshly. I jumped out of bed, kicking the duvet off. I wore my slippers and stood up. Rominic followed behind me. It was late so we didn't want to wake Kara up, or all hell would break loose. If she finds out now, the situation would not be handled as Rylee wants and that would make her vanish, again. She had the habit of running away when faced with overwhelming situation, according to Phineas and Rominic that is.

   I walked into her bedroom to see her sitting on her bed, hugging her knees and crying into her forearms. Trust me, darlings, for a woman like Rylee to be seen in such a vulnerable state is not a sight for sore eyes. I put on my most ecstatic smile and flopped on the bed, making her raise her head. Her cheeks were wet, winter gray eyes glistering and lips shaking. She looked terrible. With how much she had cried, the dark makeup concealing her swollen eyes had washed away. She must have been crying for days before our returned.

   "Why are you crying, Rylee? What exactly is so sad about this good news?"

   "Good news?" She asked with disbelief, "you call this nightmare good news? How is it good, Lav Lav, how? I'm carrying a man's child in my belly, a real living child," she said with a tone that said she herself didn't believe she was pregnant. She was still trying hard to face the reality of her actually carrying a baby. I understood, if you've notice, Rylee is not an ideal mother material and she knows it. What this was about was fear.

   "The man is Phineas, the love of your life..."

   "The reason I still breathe, my everything," she interjected, "and that is what I'm afraid of. For so many years I've held him back selfishly. I never wanted marriage, no children or even love, but I ended up falling desperately and breathlessly in love with him, loving him so selfishly and greedily to the point letting go makes my heart stop. We've always loved each other, even if we have never said it. Our relationship is complicated, you all know that. We have gotten use to the way we live, the way we govern our relationship, and so many times Phineas have begged me to marry him or make us officially official or even give him one child, so he can have something to hold on to. I just... He has always wanted a family with me but I've blown him off over and over and over and over again but he keeps coming back. He loves me as much as I love him but...but... Lav Lav, look at me, do I look like a wife or mother material? I want to marry him but look at me, I'm nothing close to being a wife let alone a mother! How am I suppose to cope?"

   "Phineas would be so happy, he would be very glad to know about the pregnancy but I don't know if I can do this and I can't delete this child. I can't be a mother. I look like devil's daughter. I have piercing on my eyebrows and lips, extra ear piercing and tattoos. I dress like a hooligan, act like an idiot and know nothing about children. Did you see what I gave to your children? What kind of presents is that! Is that what I'll give to my children?..." I covered her mouth with my palm to stop her from screaming. Her eyes fogged up with tears again before she broke into tears, again. I slowly removed my hand. "I don't want to lose Phineas, it is my greatest fear. I know I would lose him eventually, we are in our late thirties, he need a family for himself. I need to stop wasting his time. Do you know how much his mother hates me? His father sees me as the poison eating away at his son's life. I want them to love me but I don't want to be a disappointment to him or my children. How would they proudly call me their mother in public? Just look at me!"