Stevie gets Lily settled in bed and showers. She heads downstairs to make herself some tea. She slumps down against the counter and drops her head into her hands.
She hears music coming from the basement and chuckles. They've been home for less than an hour and Lindsey is already working on demos.
Stevie wanders downstairs with her mug, in her pajamas.
"Are you not exhausted?" She asks, lingering on the stairs.
"I am, but I'm too keyed up to sleep," He responds, looking up from his guitar.
"Here," She says, offering her mug to him. He takes a sip and hands it back to her. She cradles it to her chest, her sweatshirt and fleece pants doing little to keep the cold out.
"Take a shower and get some sleep, Linds."
She gives him a quick kiss and heads upstairs. She climbs into bed beside Lily, pulling her journal into her lap. She flips to the beginning and rereads her words.
There was a two year period after Lily was born where she didn't write a thing. She was depressed and extremely pissed off. Don had broken up with her when Lily was a few months old. He had told her he didn't want to be a father and left. He sent money for a few months, but that stopped when he went on tour.
Stevie looks up when the door opens, wiping her tears as she sets her journal to the side.
"Come take a walk with me," Lindsey says, holding her coat out to her. She looks over at Lily and nods, pulling on her boots and coat.
"What's going on?" Lindsey asks, sitting next to her on the front steps. She shakes her head, accepting a cigarette from him.
"Just thinking."
"About?"
"Don," She says, taking a drag from her cigarette. "I was rereading my journal. I just can't believe that I put up with his shit for so long."
"What happened, Stevie?"
She had never told anyone anything about the state of their relationship prior to their breakup. The only person who knows what happened is Robin.
She takes a deep breath and lights a new cigarette.
"It was fine at first, but he started getting jealous. I was used to the snarky comments at that point, because everyone and their mother called me a whore behind my back. He started getting more personal with it, and I put up with it because I was still so heartbroken over you that the thought of being alone... I couldn't do it. He wasn't ever physically violent with me. He would just belittle me constantly, tell me I'll never be anything, call me worthless. When we were out, we never let on. He would act like everything was fine. When I got pregnant, I was so scared. I thought, 'This is it. This is what my life is going to be like now.' So, I stepped back from the band. He stuck around for about a year, but decided he didn't want to be a dad. I was so angry. He just... took everything from me. He took my career, he took my sanity. I was constantly living in fear that he would just snap one day. I cried for months and I felt so guilty. I had finally gotten everything I wanted. I had a beautiful baby and enough money to care for her. I felt robbed. And I cried for Lily, because she won't ever have a father. He wants nothing to do with her, he made that very clear. It's a fucked up situation. Robin helped me come to terms with everything, but sometimes it still hurts. For so long, he just took things from me and didn't care about what it was doing to me. It's been really hard for me to try to get myself together again. I'm still not there. I just... I don't want to put you through that, Linds. You deserve to be with someone who can keep it together."
Stevie stubs out her cigarette and looks over at Lindsey. He's looking up at the sky, the moon illuminating his face. It would kill her if he walked away, but she doesn't want to hurt him again.
