Winter Widow One Shots

Who Are We To Each Other?

It had taken her months to find him. Tracking down and eliminating every lead she came across. Most of the leads had lead no where. Some had given way to new leads, but it was rare. But she knew each one had to be checked just in case. She couldn't risk it, loosing him again wasn't an option. Between her responsibilities to what was left of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers she didn't have much free time. But with the time she had she spent it looking for him. She hadn't told Steve or Sam. She knew they were looking for him too but he was hers to find first. Steve may have been his friend before the war ended, but he had meant so much more to her. She had to know what he remembered. She had to know if he remembered her. 

She finally had a solid lead, one that showed so much more promise than any of the others had. If Laura was right Nat would owe her big time. Her days as Mockingbird may have been over but codename or not she was still good at what she did. And the fact that she did it with 3 kids, a farm, and a husband who was often out of the home for one reason or another was even more amazing. The new girl, Bobbi, still had a lot to learn if she were to take over Laura's place properly. 

If it weren't for that blasted Ultron Tony and Bruce had created she could have been there weeks ago. She could have found him with out being worried about Steve and Sam following close behind her. But instead she had to fight off a robot from killing humanity. Just another day in the Avengers. She swore, the next time Tony tried some stupid thing like that she'd kill him first. At this point that might be easier than dealing with his creations. And if Bruce ever fell for it again... Well she'd have to learn what could kill the Hulk. Maybe Laura could help her with that too. 

She shifted in her seat keeping her eyes on the bustling Romanian market place. People moved between stalls quickly, goods and money exchanged frequently. Voices arguing over prices and others talking about plans for the weekend. He had come the last two days. No reason for him to change his plans now. He was trying to build a life here. Trying to convince himself he could live out his life with out hurting others, while still trying to figure out who he was. It was a good place to do so. Low on both S.H.E.I.L.D. and Hydra's radar. A place where his rugged looks could help him blend in with ease. She caught sight of the solider as he paid for his goods, she smiled and left a generous tip next to her half finished cup of tea. Before grabbing her bag and tossing it over her shoulder. 

He was good, back tracking, weaving, random roads that lead the wrong way. But she had been trained by the best. She'd spent years learning how to track even the hardest of people. After 20 minutes she thought there may have been a chance she had lost him. Perhaps she missed a turn? But that wasn't like her. He had to be around here somewhere. Waiting until tomorrow didn't seem like a good idea. Any day now Steve and Sam could catch up to him. The lead had been solid, hard to find but not impossible. She had buried it deeper but it wouldn't take them long to find it, or worse some one else. They wouldn't understand her being there. And she didn't know how to explain it to them. 

"Hey guys! Yeah so I uh traced down a lead to your old best friend that you have been searching for for months and I didn't tell you about it? Why? Oh because he trained me in the red room, and did I forget to mention? We were lovers." That would go over real well. Steve would love hearing about how she had hid more secretes from him.

She looked around frustrated that she had lost him. She hadn't lost anyone in years. The last time she had, she had been under his wing, training. It only made sense he would be the one she lost. All thoughts of loosing him were swept from her mind when she was slammed against the wall a cold metal hand holding her throat and deep blue eyes meeting hers. He hadn't shaved in a few days. The stubble looked good on him. Aged him just right. His hair had grown a bit since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., but he wore most of it pulled back now. It looked like he had been brushing it and taking care of it. It was so good to see him this way. He no longer looked like a mistreated animal. But some one who had simply lost their way. His brilliant blue eyes were filled with anger and fear. A mix she had only seen in his eyes once before. The night they had ripped her from his arms. They night they stole him away. Wiped him again. The night she had lost him for what she thought would be forever. 

"Who are you?" He growled his grip tightening around her slender neck. His voice was deep but quite. She had forgotten just how much she had missed the sound of it.

"James..." She coughed trying to peel his hand away. At the mention of his name his grip loosened for a moment. She hadn't known his real name in the red room. Simply called him soldat, or comrade. On the rarest occasion Captain, during those sessions when they dressed him as Captain America and used him to train their soldiers. Knowing what she knew about him now, those sessions were so much worse than they had been then. When Steve had called him Bucky she had immediately hated it. Though she didn't voice that opinion. Bucky was a child's name, and James was no child. He had been through far too much to still be considered a child. 

"Who are you?" He barked again 

"My name is Natalia. James, let go. " She coughed the words out clawing at his hand. He blinked staring at her confused slowly he pulled away shaking his head. 

"I know you..." Her hopes sparked for a moment. He knew her. "You were there. You helped Captain A - Steve. You fought beside him and the other man, the one with the wings..."

She felt the hope leave her in that moment. He knew her only from their most recent encounter. The moment she first saw him on that street gun in hand a part of her wanted to leap from the car and run to him. He had stood so still before firing. He wasn't her James there. He was their Winter Soldier. Their weapon. He hadn't cared for her then. If that was what he remembered of her maybe this was a failure. It would have been better to let Steve find him. At least his memories of Steve were beginning to return to him. 

"Odessa. 2009. You were there. The nuclear engineer. You wouldn't get out of the way... I had to make the shot." He spoke quietly, almost as if he was speaking to himself. He kept his eyes low as he recounted the experience. 

"You shot him straight through me." She lifted her shirt to reveal the large scar on her stomach just above her left hip. She had a slightly larger one to match it on her back where the bullet had left her body and entered the engineer's, ending his life. His eyes widened and she could she his right hand twitch, as if he were going to touch the scar but stopped himself before he could.  "I tried to go after you then. But I couldn't track you down. I assumed they put your back in hibernation."

"That's not it is it. That's not where I know you." He muttered starring at the scar on her stomach. "Who are we to each other?"

She dropped her shirt and stepped towards him her hand reaching towards his left to take it in her own. He had always been so worried that he would hurt with his arm. She had always tried to show she wasn't afraid of it. That she saw it as a part of him. "You tell me Soldat."

His eyes darted up to hers confused he shook his head and bit his lip stepping back and pulling his hand further away from her. "I don't know. There are real memories and then are the ones they filled my head with... I can't keep them straight. Making Captain America the enemy, but history says other wise. They all seem so real. And you... You are in so many of them. You and Steve."

"He was your best friend before the fall. You grew up together, fought side by side in World War T-"

"I know. I've been to the museum, I've seen what they have there." He cut her off frustrated with the repetition of words he'd heard and read so many times. "I've read the accounts. I know who I am. Who I used to be. But you? I don't know you. Or who I am to you? There is nothing on you. Any where. Expect New York. You saved the world standing next to Steve. And then you joined him again to take down Hydra. And the robot, Ultron. You were there too. But the memories of you... They are old. Too old."