Starboy

Chapter 65: Ultimatum

Benji

There have been very few times in my life where I have woken up with the feeling that my life is going in the right direction. Growing up, that feeling was rare, almost foreign to me.

Waking up with regret was mostly common. I couldn't get out of bed because all I could do was dwell on my mistakes of the night before and all of my bad decisions. It was a poisonous way to start the day but it was also so normal for me.

I didn't really understand how fucked up that lifestyle was until I started living differently. And that is kind of bizarre because I've only changed my life style recently. I'm talking about less than two months.

Suddenly, that feeling of regret and starting the morning off with a toxic mindset feels like years ago. I feel so great about my life that I almost feel terrified because I don't want to do anything to mess it up. I can't help but wonder what the sex for Brandy actually felt like for her.

With guys, it's pretty easy to just guess that it went well. I know a few guys who have had bad sex, but even then they still do it again and again with that same girl. Girls are hard to read sometimes, which I usually love because they are so much more interesting than guys. But in this case, I hate it because I don't know what she's really thinking.

She keeps saying it was good but I hope she isn't just saying that if she's feeling something else. My biggest fear is that us having sex will change our relationship somehow. Well, I hope it changes our relationship, actually. My fingers are crossed that it changes us for the better and not for the worse.

"You're going out?" I say as I get out of the shower and I see Brandy fully dressed, ready to head out.

"I have a morning class, remember?"

I chuckle. "You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"

She purses her lips. "You were in the shower," she mumbles.

I wasn't born yesterday. I know when something is bothering her. It feels like she's already avoiding me.

"Well, I'm out." I smile as I walk up to her, grabbing her hands. "How are you?"

She smiles and looks away, like we just started dating and she's suddenly shy or something. "I'm okay," she says. "I have to go, though. You know how Becca is about tardiness. She has a policy: 'If you're going to be late, don't show up at all.'"

"Okay," I say, trying not to be that guy who pressures his girlfriend into admitting what's really going on. "I'll see you tonight?"

"I have work," she sighs. "It's a five hour shift so I won't be home for dinner."

"I'll visit you at work," I suggest. "I'll eat dinner at Joey's, how about that? Just like I always used to do."

She nods. "Sure. I've got to run. I'll see you." She sprints out the door, almost as if she isn't even trying to hide the fact that something is bothering her.

I don't really know what's wrong because last night was beyond wonderful. The sex wasn't awkward, she didn't cry or bleed — and we talked for hours afterwards. The fact that everything is different after a nights sleep is completely strange. What changed in eight hours?

Mom keeps calling me. I silenced my phone because of all the incoming calls from her. What she wants is beyond me. I'm sure she wants me to visit and talk to her after that incident in the park the other day but I'm not interested in what she has to say. She didn't stand up for me or protect me from him, therefore I have no reason to speak to her.

I meet Shawn for lunch because I need somebody to talk to about my life. So much has been going on and not having someone to talk to about Brandy is killing me.