Starboy

Chapter 64: Weak

Songs for this chapter:
Wait For Me - Motopony
American - Lana Del Rey

Brandy

"Are you sure, baby?" He tucks my hair behind my ear so that he can fully see my face.

"Very," I whisper into his ear as I kiss his neck once. "I'm very sure."

"I love you so much," he assures me.

"I know. I love you too."

It really is starting to hit me: I am about to lose my virginity. I know society makes way too big a deal out of losing your virginity. Losing it does not make you a slut — but that's not what's concerning me. I start thinking about the pain that I've heard so much about. Anna said that it didn't hurt at all for her during her first time but I've certainly heard some virginity horror stories before.

Relax, Brandy. Everything will be just fine.

He flips me over so that he's on top, which makes sense because usually, the girl isn't on top her first time. Suddenly, my legs become stiff as I imagine the pain and Benji notices it.

"You're tense, baby," he says in a concerned tone.

"A little," I say.

"It's okay, just relax," he whispers seductively, making me feel a little bit better — only I don't know how to relax.

"I... I don't know how to." I stressfully run my hands through my hair and breathe deeply for a minute.

"Let me help you." He moves my hair back to start kissing my neck again. My eyes shut close and I let out a soft moan as I finally start to feel my body relax again.

"Is it going to hurt? I've heard that it hurts." I can't seem to stop thinking about it. "Does it hurt?"

"No, not for me," he says. "I don't know how it feels for girls. I've never actually had sex with a virgin before," he reveals. "But the girls I've slept with all say it feels really fucking good."

"Again, I'm a virgin," I sigh. "I'm scared," I admit.

"Don't be scared," he says lowly. "We can stop at any time, okay?"

He reaches over to the bedside table, opens the drawer and pulls out a box of condoms that I didn't even know was in there.

"When did you get those?" I ask.

"I always have them in the house just in case," he tells me.

"Even when you're with me?"

He smirks. "Especially when I'm with you."

We sit next to each other and he looks down at his boxers and then back up at me. "You really want to?" He makes sure.

I reach over to lower his boxers and he smiles at me. "I'm sure." He picks up one of the condoms and hands it to me.

"Do you want to put it on or do you want me to do it?" He asks me.

It's like not I've never seen a condom before — I'm nineteen. The first time I saw one was in health class, where they really didn't teach us much because there were six pregnant girls in my graduating class. And my friends bought a box in tenth grade to use as water balloons. But I've never had one to use for its intended purpose.

"Y - you do it," I say.

He rips it open with his teeth, which kind of turns me on. I know Benji has done this a million times so this won't be anything new to him, but for me, this is an experience I will remember for the rest of my life, regardless of how it goes.