SWAT Short Stories

[Stris] Everything Is Not Okay (post 5x04)

"Everything is not okay," he managed to choke out.

"Oh honey," Chris said as she held him tightly. "I know."

*General*

"You're not alone," Chris said as she inched impossibly closer to the counter.

"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly. 

She shook her head, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't keep doing this weird half-relationship thing we're doing. You burrow into my head, into my heart; I can't touch you, I can't kiss you. Do you realize how screwed up that is?" 

Street meant this as more of a statement than a question, but she answered anyway.

"You know we can't be together right now-"

"I would never ask you to compromise yourself at work, but I can't keep doing... whatever this is. I can't."

He couldn't stand there and look at her anymore. Jim's heart was broken, and looking at Chris only made it ache more. So he did the only thing he knew; Street walked away into the depths of his hallway and closed the door to his room.

---

Against her better judgment, Chris left Street's place soon after their tense conversation. Staying felt like a violation of his privacy and wishes at that moment.

The drive home was silent and tearful but full of thought.

She didn't know what to say to him in that moment, and now it felt like she had too much to say to him. But Chris didn't want to push Street; she knew what that felt like.

Instead, she sent Luca a quick text to make sure he checked on Jim before bed and settled into a hot bath to rinse away her tears and calm her aching soul.

Chris laid in the bath for well over an hour until the water ran ice cold. She needed the clarity of the temperature change.

Upon exiting the bathroom, she noticed two missed calls from Luca and a text on her lock screen.

Call me back when you can.

Chris didn't know what that meant, but her gut told her it was nothing good. So she called him back immediately.

"He is, in fact, not fine," Luca said as he picked up her call.

Chris sighed and let the new tears prickling in her eyes fall slowly.

"Did you talk to him?" She asked with a sniffle after a moment.

"Are you crying?" Luca said with a confused pause. "Chris, what the hell happened?"

"We're just in a weird place, Luca. I swear I was trying to help but..." she trailed off.

"Street just broke down on me," Luca finally answered her question. "And all I could get out of him between the crying was that he wanted you."

"He actually asked for me?" Chris asked in shock.

"Yes," Luca replied surely. "But you seem shocked by that when Street has always asked for you in these situations. I know you said you're in a weird place, but what is going on with you two?"

"That's not important right now," she told him. "Unlock the door. I'm on my way."

---

Chris walked into Luca and Street's house less than half an hour later, not expecting Luca to be waiting on her at the kitchen table.

"You look like shit," he said worriedly at the sight of her red, tear-stained face.

"Conveys how I feel then," she mumbled back.

"He's still in his room," Luca told her as she stopped near the hallway. "Chris, I don't know how he was when you left, but it's not good now."

Chris appreciated his warning, not that it soothed her heart in any way.

"Go to bed, Luca," she said reassuringly. "I'll come get you if I need you."

Luca nodded her way with a small smile. He knew Street needed her now and not him. The best thing he could do was go to bed and leave them be.

Street's door was slightly ajar when Chris found her way to his room. She assumed Luca had left it that way to listen in on his roommate. Still, she felt weird entering without at least knocking first.

She tapped on the door lightly a few times before letting herself in and closing the door behind her to allow them some privacy. 

Inside, Street seemed to have tucked himself into bed. The only exception was that his bedside lamp was on, and he was clearly staring at the ceiling in deep thought. He never moved as Chris crawled her way into bed next to him.

"You don't have to say anything, Jim, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm worried about you, and this is where I'm supposed to be right now, right by your side."

Jim didn't seem to react to her at first, but It wasn't long before he crept his way over into her embrace and let the tears fall from his eyes once again.

"Everything is not okay," he managed to choke out.

"Oh honey," Chris said as she held him tightly. "I know."

For the first time in Street's life, he let everything go. His tears and worries spilled onto her as she held him close. He finally let her see it all.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier," he said after having no more tears left to cry. "It wasn't the time or the place for that conversation."

"You said what needed to be said," she started. "I don't blame you one bit for that. But I need you to know that my perception today was that you needed space. I wouldn't have left you alone otherwise. I do care about you very deeply."

"I know you only had good intentions," Street replied surely.

Chris slowly pushed the hair that had fallen on his face away and kissed his forehead gently.

"I hope you know that I want this to work," she said softly.

He smiled at the gesture.

"We'll make it work," he told her. "But for now, I'd just like to go to bed and wake up next to you in the morning."

"We can definitely make that work."

[END]

-----

[written 11.2.2021 - edited 4.3.2022] 

"Everything is not okay," and neither am I after this episode. Okay. This is cute, but I still lowkey hate it. I'm just sick of it sitting in my drafts, and I need it gone before the next episode airs. So have this. <3 -Sharna