If Things Were Different ~♡Killugon/Gonkillu♡~

-Thoughts-

Homies I'm sorry for this super late chapter, so enjoy all the fluff<33

Once I was able to collect myself, I hopped on my bike and continued my ride home.
As I rolled to the front door, I tried desperately to contain all of my excitement and fear. I carefully inserted my key and began to unlock the door.

Just act like everything is normal...

I slowly entered the house and was immediately greeted by Killua's beaming expression.
"Gon! Where have you been?" His excited attitude soon turned into a lecture on how I need to tell him if I'm going to be late or he'll worry.

"I'm fine I'm fine! I just wanted to sit down for a little bit, that's all." I responded shooing off his concern.

"Hmmm..?" He inched closer to my face, inspecting me.
I felt my whole body heat up as I desperately tried to cover up my red face. He decided to shrug off my unusual behavior and floated into my room. I followed as my bag to slide off my shoulders and onto the ground. From there, I fell into my bed and allowed myself to relax. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"Hey, what's wrong?"
I quickly opened my eyes to be greeted with Killua's face just inches away from mine. Flustered, I scrunch up into a little ball to avoid his gaze.

"Gon..." He beckoned. I tried to ignore him but he placed his finger beneath my chin, lifting my head to face him.
"What's gotten into you?"
Only now could I see the real concern in his expression. I began to feel bad, worried I was ruining everything by acting so childish.
I decided it would be best to say something, anything to try and put him at ease.

"Sorry Killua, it's just that..I've been feeling a bit strange recently. It's nothing you have to worry about, just some stuff I need to figure out by myself." I said, not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell the truth either. This time, he seemed more satisfied with my answer.
Suddenly he began to lean in, closing the gap between our faces. I closed my eyes tightly in fear of what was going to happen.
To my surprise, it was just a hug.

"Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

I let out a sigh of relief, I didn't think I'd be able to handle kiss just yet. I nuzzled into Killua's embrace and closed my eyes; this time, with joy.

...

As the day came to an end, I said my good nights to Killua and headed back into my room. I returned to the comfort of my bed and kicked off my house slippers. There I laid, awake with my thoughts.

I know this is how I feel...so why is it so hard to accept it..?

I stared up at the ceiling and continued to dissect my thoughts, in hopes to find an answer.

It's clear I have a crush on Killua, but I'm still having a hard time accepting myself...maybe I can try looking at myself from another persons perspective? If someone came out to me, I wouldn't reject them at all...so why is it so different for me..?

I wanted to cry out of frustration. No matter which way I looked at it, it didn't make sense.
I was angry. Not at Killua or the situation, but with myself.