Back in the Saddle

Apparently Bad Memories

Lainey

I hadn't asked why Steven had randomly left several nights ago.  I didn't want to bring it up because it didn't seem like too big of a deal. When I realized he had gone, and after Joe had come back, he took me out for drinks. I've found myself getting more comfortable around the band. Especially Joe, for that matter.

But now, now that I've had some time to mull it over, the thought has become a bit nagging. Like an annoying itch you just can't seem to scratch. I guess that's why, when we were driving home from the studio, I chose to ask finally. "Hey, babe," I began slowly, thinking about backing out last second.

But it was too late. Steven already looked over at me, grinning slightly. "Yeah?"

Damn. Now I don't really wanna ask. But... "Why did you... Leave Joe and me the other night?"

Steven frowned, returning his eyes to the road. "Whaddya mean?" he asked, though he totally knew what I was talking about.

"You know what I mean," I said.

He sighed, though tried to hide it. And then he took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Smiling, he said, "Annie, Joe's wife, had called."

"She did?" I ask.

"Yeah," Steven said, smile faultering slightly, but then he plastered it back up. "She needed help with something... She was having trouble, um..."

I raise an eyebrow.

Steven clears his throat. "You see, she was trying to do something special for Joe and needed a bit of help with it. It was a surprise."

"What was it?" I ask, bemused.

Steven takes a breath. "A... Uh, back in the seventies we used to play in an old theatre and he and Brad used all these amps... They were old at the time, but the two really loved the sound they gave but one day somebody broke into the theatre and stole all the equipment... Like, everything..."  Steven frowns, trailing off, and I momentarily forget what I had originally asked. "And Annie had found a few amps like the ones we used to use and she remembered how much Joe loved them and she bought them but she couldn't lift them herself, so I went over there to help."

"Oh. Yeah," I say, remembering what I had asked. "Okay," I said, a bit skeptical.

—

Later that night, after we were snuggled in bed, a random thought crossed my mind. I don't know what brought it on, but it began to chew at my mind. And then I found myself blurting, "Were you and Annie ever together?"

I felt Steven's arm tighten around me, and looking up at his face, I noticed he was frowning and looked actually a little sad. After a moment of silence, he nodded.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Joe," he whispered.

My confusion was written all over my face. "How d'you mean?"

"He was better for her than I ever could be."

"Don't say that," I say.

"It's true," he mutters.

"Well..." I say, trying to change the subject, now curious about a different topic: this Jess. "What about the Jess you once knew?"

Steven closes his eyes, almost grimacing. "That's just it: I knew her. Not well, but I knew her."

"How so?" I ask.

Eyes still closed, he says, "She's the sister of another... person I once knew."

"Were you possibly with this person?" I ask.

He doesn't return my slightly humorless smile. "Yes," he breathes. And seemingly before he can stop himself, he says, "I almost married her too." I feel my eyes grow wide.

"Why didn't you?" I ask, purely curious.

Steven sighed, squeezing his eyes shut again. "Lainey," he said slowly, still quietly, "could we talk about this some other time?"

I study his face for quite some time. In resignation, I mutter, "Yeah."

Without saying anything, he removes his arm from around my shoulders and turns away from me. I frown, now laying on my back. Through pursed lips, I whisper, "Sorry," feeling bad that I've brought back some apparently bad memories.

He doesn't say anything back, and I think that he hasn't heard me, but the quiet sniffle tells me otherwise.

Unsure what to do at this point, I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. It takes me awhile to do so, but one thing is for sure: despite the time it took, I was still asleep before Steven.