The Boy in the Cupboard

Chapter 2

Hearing about it was one thing, but the blank expression on James's face and complete lack of recognition in Lily's eyes felt worse than seeing his own haunted eyes in the mirror as he trimmed his beard.

Harry glanced at Sirius for a moment, then turned to cross the ward. He curled partially under Frank's bed, fingers scuttling across a blanket like a spider.

It pained Sirius to look at the Longbottoms, who were both so different than the Order members he remembered.

Sirius crouched beside Harry, and Harry's hand crept up Sirius's new robe. His tiny fist gripped the fabric.

Sirius gathered his godson into his arms. The scent of nappies and shampoo brought back memories the dementors had sucked away. Just hugging Harry again was more than he'd ever been able to hope for. It felt better than getting his wand back.

The healers seemed amazed- Harry hadn't let anyone hold him for so long. When Sirius finally held his godson at arm's length, Harry's eyes seemed more focused and watched his face.

Sirius dug a chocolate out of his pocket, had to help Harry with the wrapper. Harry stuffed it in his mouth and let it melt without chewing. Chocolate dribbled down his chin and onto his shirt.

Harry was a far cry from the child Sirius remembered, seemed less developed than he'd been at fifteen months. He didn't coo or smile. He wasn't interested when Sirius conjured the multicolored bubbles that James had enthralled Harry with.

Sirius's voice was returning after years of disuse, but Harry no longer even babbled.

Sirius wanted to murder the ones responsible for Harry and the Longbottoms' suffering, and was pleased to learn some of the Death Eaters were dead. The Dursleys weren't, but going after Pettigrew was what had condemned both Sirius and Harry to their fate. Sirius should have taken Harry that night, raised his godson as James and Lily wanted.

Sirius settled on the floor next to Harry, pleasantly surprised to see Harry had a collection of chocolate frog cards. They were stashed with other collected oddities- empty potion vials, a stuffed vulture hat. Sirius read the info on famous witches and wizards aloud, even though Harry didn't appear to listening, too busy searching Sirius' pocket for more chocolate.

No matter how hard Sirius argued, the healers wouldn't let Harry move into his room. So naturally, Sirius visited the Janus Thickey ward at every opportunity.

He swore Harry was excited about his arrival, even if he no longer smiled and reached out with eager arms. Sirius hoped he would one day, that at least part of the excitement was due to his presence and not just the chocolate he supplied.

The healers had said Harry didn't distinguish between them, the other patients or visitors. Yet once when Sirius was getting ready to leave, Harry grabbed his sleeve.

During another visit, as Harry's face became smeared with his customary chocolate, Sirius told Harry about looking for a place for them. Sirius had inherited Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, but that could hardly be a home for a traumatized child.

People tried to dissuade Sirius from deciding to take Harry in, told him he didn't know what he was getting into. Harry needed constant care from a human, not a house elf. Sirius scowled at the implication that he'd shirk his godfather duties, even if it was common for wealthy wizarding families to leave much of the child rearing to their elves.

Sirius had only just been released from Azkaban. Who would help Harry after a nightmare if Sirius had one, too?

"Don't expect him to be like James, or Lily." McGonagall told Sirius during one visit.