ILLUSION [yoonmin]

File 21: session

After their meal Jimin and Yoongi had returned back to Jimin's room, he was sitting on a chair while Jimin sat on his bed as it was his most comfortable place, the spot he felt the safest when doing his sessions. He sat with his knees up, his arms wrapped around hugging them. He looked at the raven haired man that made him feel so warm inside.

"So Jimin, how do you feel right now?" Yoongi asked, starting light as usual.

"Fine I think," Jimin said with a small shrug.

"No bad feelings or thoughts. or anything you want to share?"

"no...not that I can think of now. I just feel...normal?"

"That's good to hear, so today is gonna be short." Yoongi chuckled looking at his notes. "Let's start simple...can you tell me again what had happened to you before you got here?" Yoongi wanted to see what Jimin would say and how he would act when talking and thinking back to specific things.

"Well uhm....I uh...I was abused," Jimin said, trying to find the perfect word to describe it, short but clear.

"can you tell me more what you mean with 'abused'. and don't worry everything as always will stay in this room"

"i lived with someone who hurt me.....and..raped me. i-it wasn't..nice" jimin stuttered and cleared his throat shifting a little in his spot. He still felt uncomfortable talking about this topic but he wasn't triggered badly anymore, so that was a big step already. He wasn't breaking down or panicking anymore when talking about it.

"i see. and who was this person that did this to you? his name was Jaesang right, does this name make you feel anything now?"

Jimin nodded.

"what do you feel?"

"I'm not sure," Jimin said softly, looking at his knees. "i think...hate? or is it more sadness? maybe it's both..."

"Do you feel scared of the name now?"

Jimin was silent for a moment but then slowly shook his head. "no...not really."

"That's good to hear, and how would you feel now if you went to see him again?"

"i don't like that now i think...i don't know....i don't like Jaesang.." Jimin pouted, putting his head against his legs, hugging them tighter against him, his eyes staring at yoongi's hand that was making notes with a pen. "but....I think I will do better, i-it's okay. i want to get better"

Yoongi smiled looking up at the other. sending mental praises to the other. "Is there anything you wish to share with me now?"

"hmm, i don't think so" jimin said, lowering his legs watching yoongi put his notepad away into his bag. "doctor, can i ask you something?"

"Of course, anytime!" The raven smiled warmly and gave the boy his attention.

"real love...how does it feel?"

"oh.. well '' Yoongi did not expect that question. He thought for a moment thinking of how to put it into words, it wasn't easy explaining the feeling of love. but he will give it a shot. "you feel warm inside, and want to be with the person. you of course really like them and want them to be happy. you feel happy when they smile and are with you. something like that" yoongi chuckled, unsure if he used the right words. but he said it, i mean it's close to that.

"I see....thank you," Jimin said. He did feel those things around Yoongi, but Jimin didn't know when feelings were real. He had already been fooled that jaesang really loved him, but it wasn't, it was all fake. It took him too long to realise it that he had ended up being confused about love and other feelings. He ain't know what's what anymore. What was good? what was bad? but now he was seeing those things again. He was seeing the difference again.

"Is there anything else you want to share before I end the session?"

"no. That's all" Jimin smiled a little. He began to wonder what if he told the doctor about how he felt towards him, would Yoongi be angry? Would he be disappointed? Jimin didn't know but he couldn't help but think negative over the positive ones.

"alright then, how about we go so Soekjin and Sooha? he heard she has been asking for you"

"really?"

"Yes, would you like to see them?"

"....okay i think" that was a thing jimin still needed to learn. to know what he wants and dont wants, he keep saying. 'i think' and 'i guess'. but it was fine. its progress.

-

so said so done. Seokjin was already waiting for them with Sooha at his side. He was watching her play with the chalk on the path. even if he had said to her ten times not to decorate the walking path but only on the side. it was no use she already made a big flower right in the middle of the path.

"Seokjin!" Yoongi said, getting the other's attention.

"Ah Yoongi, and Jimin. how fun to see you two here" seokjin smiled kindly welcoming the two. It put Jimin's nerves at ease. The other tall man was very kind, unlike what Jimin thought of other new people.

"Jimin Jimin!" Sooha said excitedly, jumping up towards the taller man. She began tugging Jimin's sleeve to get him with her.

"ah- help?" Jimin said unsure if he should be worried or not. By the way, Sooha was pulling him away from yoongi.

"She wants to show you something, it's fine, jimin" soekjin chuckled, noticing the confused expression of the other.

"oh...okay" jimin looked like a lost puppy as he followed Sooha who still held his sleeve.

"Jiminie, look. i made flowers for you!'' Sooha smiled and began pointing at them. "This is a green one, and a pink one. a green one and a yellow one. The yellow one is for you. I think yellow is your color. it's a pretty color" she smiled looking up at the now dark haired male.

"...thanks?" Jimin just looked at the flowers that were drawn obviously by a child, seeing the wiggly lines that went in pretty much every direction at some points.

"Come draw something too, it's really fun!" Sooha put the yellow chalk in Jimin's hand not even waiting for a reply.

"can i?.. but... this is the path?"

"it's fine! look i already drew things, you can too. come on!" she got on her knees and began coloring the flower leave with green. it took a while for Jimin to move, but he did, getting on his knees as well and look at an empty spot on the stone path. draw something huh? but what do i draw? he thought. He was thinking for a good minute while Sooha was humming cheerfully while coloring her flowers. She was looking so happy at this moment. Jimin looked at her, will he ever be able to be as happy as she is now? smiling and enjoying doing something? he didn't know....but he will try harder. He wants to feel like that too, he wants to be happy.

With a new feeling inside of him he put the tip of the chalk on the stone and began drawing. the yellow making a thick line in front of him followed by many others. Jimin knew what he was gonna draw, he had the perfect idea. It did take him a while. by now sooha had stopped drawing and now stared at Jimin's hand that was moving the chalk around, curious what he was creating.

"what's that?" she asked, standing up and walk over to the other. now jimin was on his knees she was taller than the other, she was really small as she was still a child.

"done." Jimin said simply and looked at his own art. it was a little sprout, what was being watered, next to the sprout was a big pretty rose.

"what is it?"

"...a sprout. it's taken care of....and grows to a pretty rose" jimin pointed at the drawings. sooha might just see a simple art but for jimin he saw himself, a goal for himself. Now he was the little sprout. but one day he will become the rose and be himself...be happy.

---

thank you for reading again, i will see you in the next chapter!

🌼🌼🌼