Reaching Forward

17

A week, that's how long it had been since Ellis Grey became lucid and only hours later fell back into her haze. Usually, when her mother criticized her like she had, Meredith would usually retreat into her own world of self pity. While she wasn't bursting at the seams with high self-esteem, she knew that she had to try and not let her mother's words get to her or else it'd break her and quite possibly ruin her relationship with her child before he was even born.

For the first few days, Derek worried about Meredith's mental health. He thought for sure that her mother's comments would send her spiraling back into self-doubt about becoming a mother. However, he was genuinely surprised when she came home one night with the book entitled, 'Perfect Motherhood: Science and Childrearing in America.' He almost wanted to laugh but he saw how serious she was about it.

It seemed that her confrontation with her mother had caused her to become more driven to be a better mother than her own. Meredith would be damned if she treated her son like that.

One night, when Derek had gotten out of the shower, he entered the bedroom to find Meredith sitting Indian style on the bed while looking at a sheet of instructions. There were random parts of some contraption strew all over the bed. Drying his dark locks with a towel, Derek went over to the bed and picked up an empty box and half questioned, "A breast pump?"

Meredith nodded, "I've been doing some research the past couple of days on different websites to see which one is the best. I plan on breastfeeding him when he's born but I have to think realistically that I won't be able to when I go back to work. And I don't want him on formula. Besides, this way you can get up in the middle of the night and feed him some too."

Throwing his damp towel on a random chair, Derek cleared a space beside Meredith on the bed so he could sit down, "When did you decide that you were going to breastfeed?"

He put his arm around her and she leaned back against his chest, "Well, you know I've been reading this book and it was talking about the breastfeeding versus formula. It gave the pros and cons of both but ultimately I decided that breastfeeding had more pros since it allowed you to receive a greater bond with the baby plus in medical school they always taught that even though there are efficient formulas out there that breast is best. And, I want the best for him."

Looking up at him, she asked, "Why? Did you not want me to breastfeed?"

He quickly answered, "No, I just wanted whatever you felt most comfortable with whether that be breastfeeding or using formula."

Clearing her throat, she began, "Well, to be honest, I've always kind of thought the idea of having a baby hanging off you all the time was kind of daunting but I've been reading some testimonials of other women who said at first they thought the same thing but when their baby began to feed the first time it just became natural and an intense bond began to form between mother and child. And, I just want to be as close to him as I can be."

Putting his hand on her bulging abdomen, Derek began to rub her stomach in a circular pattern. Lifting up her t-shirt, he exposed her stomach and tilted his head while he placed it where his son rested. He began to talk to her stomach, "You know, Mommy and Daddy are excited for you to come but don't come too soon. We want you as healthy as possible. But, in the mean time, you can start kicking any time now. Mommy and Daddy want to feel how good of a soccer player you're going to be."

Laughing, Meredith responded, "You're so lame sometimes. Besides, what makes you think he'll play soccer?"

Derek just shrugged and sat up, "Nothing but I hoped it would help coax him into kicking."

Placing her own hand on her stomach, she replied, "If I'm remembering correctly from my OB classes from med school, a baby usually begins kicking anytime between now and the next few weeks."