Reaching Forward

1

If she had the strength, Meredith would have killed Cristina.

Her best friend since she became an intern had blurted out to the whole hospital that she might be pregnant. If anyone had any doubts that she was a dirty whore, they were now diminished. Grasping onto the counter, she pulled herself a few steps forward with the help of Cristina and George. She was pretty sure that during this time she had heard Addison say something about an adulterous love child but the way Meredith felt at the moment, she didn't really care what Addison said or thought.

Feeling a tug on her arm, she was being led away by George and Bailey, but soon it was only George leading her since Bailey had, thankfully, stepped in and told Derek he had done enough already. Whatever predicament she was in, it was definitely partly his fault.

As they entered an empty exam room, Cristina had helped Meredith onto the examining table. When Cristina started pressing onto her abdomen, Meredith groaned. Cristina took no time in getting a smug look on her face and asked, "So, who's the father?"

Meredith glared at her best friend and deadpanned, "I'm not pregnant."

Shaking her head, Cristina knew that Meredith was probably in denial, "I wasn't pregnant when I was pregnant either." As she continued examining Meredith, she began to tell Meredith how all her symptoms indicated pregnancy, "The abdominal pain, the fever, and the non-stop vomiting-"

Meredith closed her eyes, winced in pain, and softly cried out, "I'm not pregnant!"

Grinning smugly again, Cristina stated, "You don't know who the father is, do you?"

Looking at Cristina, Meredith's expression was one of denial and fear, "It would have to be Derek's. There's no way it could be Finn's."

Cristina looked at her friend in disbelief, "You haven't had sex with the vet yet?" She scoffed, "You've got to get out of that relationship – immediately."

She looked at the ceiling then back at Cristina and questioned meekly, "I can't be pregnant...can I?"

Pressing down on Meredith's abdomen, she responded, "With McBaby!"

Either from really being hurt or the thought of actually being pregnant, Meredith let out a cry of pain. Once the pain had subsided, she asked, "Was I this mean to you when you were pregnant?"

Before Cristina could answer, Bailey walked in with lab results in her hand. Meredith waited for her to say something but Bailey just stared at her sternly. After moments of silence had passed, Meredith didn't even have to ask what the results were, "I'm pregnant, aren't I?"

Cristina just stared at the floor while Meredith sighed heavily and collapsed backwards, staring at the ceiling. "What am I going to do?" She said in an almost whisper while looking to Cristina who just gave her a sad expression and continued looking at the floor.

Bailey just remained in silence until finally exiting the room very quickly. She continued her fast pace until she rounded a couple of corners. Finally, she stopped at one of the corners and hung her head down in shame. She felt like this was all her fault; all her interns were making such bad choices. After having a baby, she had gone soft or at least she thought so. First, Cristina had gotten pregnant by Burke, which ended horribly. Next, Izzie had fallen in love with Denny and then cut his LVAD wire. That she should have been able to stop. Bailey had watched Izzie and Denny play scrabble and even hug; she should have put a stop to it there. Now, Grey was pregnant.

Sniffling quickly once, she looked around to make sure no one had seen her and retracted in her footsteps back to the exam room. Bursting through the door, Meredith and Cristina looked at Bailey with startled expressions, "Grey, go home. But, I expect you back here tomorrow – try Saltines."

Meredith started to protest, "But-"

"No, I will not have you here being unfocused about all the issues," She rotated her right index finger in a circle at Meredith's stomach, "this is going to have." She turned her gaze to Cristina, "As for you Yang, back to rounds."

Cristina cleared her throat, "Yes. Right." She looked at Meredith then back to Bailey and quickly left the awkward situation.

Meredith slowly sat up and slid off the examination table. As she began walking to the door, another wave of nausea hit her and she stepped forward to the trashcan and vomited yet again. Even though she had vowed to be tougher, Miranda couldn't help but place a soft hand on Meredith's back.

Grabbing a paper towel from the canister on the wall, Meredith wiped her mouth and threw the towel into the trash. She just stared out in front of her at nothing in particular. Knowing Bailey was watching her, she sighed, opened the door and exited to the hall.

Walking as fast as she could without upsetting her stomach, Meredith made her way to the locker room and thankfully didn't run into Derek. She couldn't deal with him right now or any of this for that matter. She grabbed her casual clothes and purse out of her locker. Upon slamming it shut, she was met with the sight of Alex Karev nonchalantly eating an apple. She looked at him for a moment but he continued eating his apple.

As she was changing her clothes, Alex suddenly spoke up, "So, I hear you got knocked up."

Meredith side-glanced him for a moment but continued to dress, "Where did you hear that?" She commented as coolly as she possibly could in this situation.

"It's all over the hospital. With you throwing up everywhere and Yang blurting it out, everyone knows." He smiled smugly.

As she pulled her shirt over her head, she straightened her hair and ignored Alex as best she could, but he wasn't going to let her off that easily, "So, is it true?"

"It's none of your business and aren't you supposed to be on rounds?" Picking up her purse, she was heading toward the door when Alex's comment stopped her.

"A, I've already been assigned a case so I'm doing pre-op. And, B, you must be pregnant or you wouldn't have dodged the question."

She stared intently at the door handle in front of her for a brief moment before swinging the door open and exiting.

Meredith made her way through the parking lot to her jeep. As she entered, she threw her purse into the passenger seat and was about to start car when everything hit her. The choice of who she wanted to be with was taken completely out of her hands. She knew there was no way Finn would want to be with her when he found out she was pregnant with Derek's child. Pregnant, she was pregnant. She wasn't even sure if she wanted kids, especially with her complicated relationship with her mother. Placing her head on the steering wheel, she first groaned and then tears began flowing, "What'd I do to myself?"

After a minute of letting all of her emotions out, she wiped her eyes and sniffled and started her car. Suddenly, she heard a knock on her window. Turning to see who it was, her heart felt like it stopped. It was Derek.