Is This Love??? ✔

Chapter 5

The last day of filming for the Kingdom franchise comes on December 21st and Shiviga could not be more excited. She's skipping down the fake street of the fake town they're pretending to be in, humming We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and smiling at everyone she passes. She just really loves Christmas.
Going past the fake bakery with the fake baked goods in the window, Shivi spots Sanjay sitting at the table and chairs set up in front of the fake restaurant next door. He looks a bit out of it, a book in his hand that he very clearly isn't reading. Shiviga decides no one should look so sad so close to Christmas, so she skips over to him to spread some joy. He looks up at her when he hears her approaching.
"Two whole months break!" she squealed with childlike excitement, "I am so ready for Christmas!"
She notices that Sanjay barely cracks a smile at the prospect of getting a holiday for basically the first time in like 4 years. She cannot understand how he isn't over the moon with joy.
"Soooo," she drops herself into the seat next to him, "What are your plans for Christmas? Spending time with your parents? I know that you don't celebrate Christmas, but maybe you have some vacation plans?"
He breaks eye contact to look at the ground.
"No. No I won't be home this year," his voice sounds hollow, it has her on edge, "Mum's going to stay at my Aunt's place while my father is going away for a while."
"Going away?" she scoffs and tries to make a joke, "Sounds like he is going to be locked up or something."

Silence. A long, cold silence that fills your lungs and steals your breath. She realizes too late just how much she's put her foot in it. And just how unfunny her joke was.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Sanjay. I didn't think. I didn't mean-"
"It's ok," his smile is weak and unconvincing, "You're right though, it is. He relapsed. Started drinking again. If you really think about it, it is sort of a jail."
She knows he's trying to make light of a serious situation. She has never felt less like laughing.
"So your dad…" she leaves it open ended and he gives her a little nod.
"Has admitted that he has to continue fighting his problem? Yes." He keeps nodding absently and Shivi gets the feeling he's talking to himself as much as he's talking to her, "It's a good thing; better he acknowledge it than try to go on pretending he's ok." When he's obviously not, is left unsaid, but heavily implied.

Shiviga doesn't believe him when he says it's a good thing – it doesn't help that it doesn't sound like he believes it either. She turns herself to face him more, tries to get a better look at his face. He keeps trying to hide from her but she reads him better now. His guard is up, but she knows where all the weak chains in his armor are.
"I thought he had gotten better."
"He had," he lets out a shaky breath, "Mum thinks the visit to the set put him backwards. He realized all he'd given up. It drove him back to the alcohol."
Shivi remembers all the things she thought about Mr.Krishna being cold and stern. It breaks her heart to now know what was going through his mind. She wants to reach out to Sanjay. She wants to wrap her arms around him and hold him close and tell him it's going to be ok. She wants to wind back the clock and make Mr.Krishna stop himself from ever taking this path. She wants to do anything at all that will make the man in front of her feel better.
"I don't…" her voice breaks and she feels helpless, "I don't want to keep saying 'I'm sorry' because it feels so empty but I just…I just don't know what else to say."
Sanjay shrugs and gives her another sad, unconvincing smile. "There's nothing to say. He's unwell, so he's getting treatment. It's just a fact of life."
No, it's a fact of your life. And I really wish it wasn't.

Sanjay shakes himself off and lets out a heavy breath before turning to face her properly.
"So my break will be spent anywhere I want to," he's injected some emotion back into his tone and is doing a fine job at brushing off their previous conversation like it never happened. She doesn't believe it for a second.
"By yourself?" she questions; he nods, "It sounds lonely."
He lets out a melodious, very put-on laugh. "Shiviga, I am one the biggest movie stars in the South! I have more money than any sane person should have access to, and a private jet whenever I want– I will never be short of people willing to occupy my time."
She tries to smile, she really does, but she feels herself fail. He continues to attempt to convince them both he's going to enjoy his holidays.
"Maybe I'll travel somewhere nice and hot, get away from this miserable rainy weather," it's not really cold, after all they're in Coimbatore, but she gets what he means, "Maybe I'll visit the famous Australian beaches, or spend my days lazing away at a resort in Bangkok. I could go to Berlin! Mexico! Montreal!"
He throws his hands in the air with a dramatic flair.
"I can spend my days travelling to every end of the world and there would always be people to take care of me, Shiv," his smile softens as he meets her eyes, "So don't worry about me. I'll find ways to enjoy my holiday."