The Girl On Fire (undergoing editing)

Epilouge

Cinna would be thirteen today. He would've awoken, after a peaceful slumber, to us; Peeta, Prue and I, singing happy Birthday. He would come downstairs to his birthday breakfast, pancakes and scrambled eggs, of course. We would all sit in a circle on the floor and pass him the presents we got him. A robot, or a new pair of trainers. Or maybe a bow and arrow. I don't know. At lunchtime, while we're sitting at the table, eating jam sandwiches, a letter would come. From my mom. The same as every year. It would be a cheap card from the corner store, and would contain $50. I would make Cinna write her a thank you note and Prue would go and post it for him. We'd make whatever he wanted for dinner; spaghetti, usually. And then Peeta would bring out the chocolate cake he'd spent all day making. Cinna's name iced on the front. Cinna would pretend it was the best thing ever, but secretly, I knew he hated chocolate. He wouldn't dare tell Peeta, though. I'd tuck him into bed and give him a kiss and sing to him, until he fell asleep. And then in the middle of the night, when Prue and Peeta had gone to bed, I'd wake Cinna up. And we'd go to the cafe in the middle of town. They always had a little banana cupcake waiting for him. His true favorite. It was our little secret.

Those were the shortest games I'd ever seen. only three days! I guess they wanted to try and hurry my death along. But instead they killed my son. And I will never forgive them for that.

We all wake up, at 7:30. Like always on this day. We all stand in Cinna's room and sing happy birthday to the empty bed. We then go downstairs and eat pancakes and scrambled eggs. When we've finished, we go to Cinna's grave; I had him buried in the woods, right in the center. He had told me once how he loved the sound of the birds and the rustle of the leaves, that it was his favorite place to be. We put his presents; still wrapped, on top of 'him' and bow our heads in remorse. It starts to rain so we head back home. There's plates of spaghetti waiting for us, along with a drunk and crying Haymitch. We eat in absolute silence; well, not really eat. More like stare. Peeta brings out a chocolate cake he had made in the morning and we all eat a slice, though we don't feel like it. Mom never sent $50 this year. I didn't really expect her to. But it still upsets me. 

I head up to Cinna's room and sit by his bed.

"I'm sorry." I whisper "I'm sorry. I sould have taken more care of you. It should be you here, not me. I let you down. I'm sorry." And I sing Mountain air.

Deep in the medow,

Under the willow.

A bed of grass,

A soft green pillow.

Lay down your head,

And close your eyes.

Then when they open,

The sun will rise.

Here It's safe,

And here it's warm.

Here the daises guard you, from every harm.

Here your dreams,

Ring sweet and true.

Here is the place,

Where I love you. 

Peeta and Prue go to bed quite early, so does Haymitch. He says he'll be over in the morning to help with whatever. I sit and watch television; nothing good, until midnight. Then, I grab my coat and head to the cafe. They have a banana cupcake sitting on the table along with a cup of coffee for me. I thank them and sit down.

The pain never eases. It never gets any better, but I've learnt ways to hide it. After all, nothing lasts forever. So it's about time I start living. For Cinna. And for me.