𝕒 𝕗𝕒𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕝𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤 from the pov of Marlena (most of the time, but the other pov's are about her). Marlena is the muse behind the band, mentioned in their album "Il ballo...
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MARLENA
Summer 2018, Milan
We're staying in a hotel close to the band's recording studio because in a couple of months, say weeks their new album will be released. The band's always busy at the moment but I'm using my alone time to explore my surroundings. Yet I've seen the Cathedral, Galerias, and Piazze by now. There's no point for me to walk there on my own when I want to stroll hand in hand with Damiano through these beautiful streets. I've seen brilliant art in the musea, I've seen the dazzling nature near the city but all I can think about is Damiano.
We're having difficulties lately. Disaccordi. We're just living side by side like we're walking on parallel paths instead of on the same one.
I don't like to beg for his attention when I know he's so busy but I've been feeling alone lately. It's strange if you ask me because I'm surrounded by my friends and the guy I love, but I just feel it in my bones that something has shifted in our atmosphere. And now I'm overthinking every damn thing he says or does. I feel like pulling back, but when he is with me then I forget all of my dark thoughts and imagination.
I wonder if he feels the same, but by asking him I'll have to cross a line because I feel that if I say my thoughts out loud, I admit that there's something insanely wrong. And I don't want him to worry and have more doubts when he's already overloaded with work and pressure. What I feel can wait, but I'm afraid I'll explode.
Adesso lasciami credere che questo sia reale. Che sento l'ansia che sale, bevo le lacrime amareti. Prego lasciami perdere dentro l'acqua del mare, che le parole lontane giuro le voglio urlare
(Now let me believe that this is real. Because I feel the anxiety that rises, I drink the bitter tears Please let me lose myself in the water of the sea, because the distant words, I swear I want to shout them)
Every night when I'm already locked up in my room and the stars shine through the windows, Damiano softly knocks on the door. Sometimes I'm already asleep and other times I just act that I'm sleeping peacefully. I don't want him to know that I've been waiting for him because I'm upset or afraid or drowning in my feelings. I rather have him caressing my hair and kissing my forehead. When he tells me he loves me, I have to make a big effort to keep my eyes closed and hide my smile. And then he takes off his clothes, softly steps on the bed, and lays his warm body close to mine, his arm around my waist. At least when we're asleep we're peaceful, our souls intertwining in our dreams.
But then in the morning, he's already gone because he doesn't like to wake me so early when the sun's just started to peek through the curtains. When I wake up and see the empty side of the bed, I only feel like half of myself because my other half is living his life without me. As I said, we just live next to each other and I question how big of a part I am in his new and exciting life.
Every day is the same unless they have a day off. It's not a surprise that I feel and think this way when it's just me, myself, and my mind all day over and over again. It's pathetic that I'm so dependent on his presence and he can live his life the way he wants to, with or without me. He's thriving and happy and one day when he wakes up he will be famous, and it's granted to him because I don't know anyone who works harder to reach his dream, Thomas, Vic, and Ethan as well of course, but I've realized a while ago that I can't drag them in our possible relationship problems. There's this friendship that means a lot to me, but at this moment their professional bond is more valuable.
I have eyes and ears and everywhere I go, I just sense there will be a time they take over the world with their music. Perché è scritto nelle stelle (Because it's written in the stars).
A short knock on the door interrupts my thoughts, and Damiano enters the room. I look him confused in the eye, because it's only 5 PM. "Is there something wrong?" I ask. He steps closer and sits down on the opposite chair, but he stays quiet. But his facial expression predicts a storm. I raise my eyebrows, what the hell is going on? Then he reaches over and lays his hand on my knee. "I can't take this anymore," he says while looking down like he can't stand my gaze. I open my mouth but he's ahead of me. "What's going on with the two of us?", he sighs.
There it is. He said the words. Now our problems are real, and sensible in the air between us.
I take his hand in mine and try to look him in the eyes, but he's still looking away. "I've been feeling things as well," I answer, I'm a little glad that it's not just me although this feels really bad.
Now he frowns. "Tell me what you've been feeling, per favore amore mio. I came here to talk because working didn't even feel right anymore. It has come this far." And he finally looks at me, I see the concern in his eyes.
"I-, I don't know what I'm feeling exactly, ma sento tante cose (but I feel many things)" I stumble, "And those thoughts aren't necessarily positive or negative, I think it's just because we don't talk anymore, not like we used to." I weave my fingers between his and softly add: "But I'm relieved you've sensed this too. I thought I was going insane."
Damiano nods, he still has that concerned look on his face. He looks at me as if I'm some measly being, I see compassion but no love. I feel like screaming, and tears already start to sting in my eyes. I want to hide and bury my face but my anxiety is stronger. A stream of words flows out of my mouth, much faster and louder than I intended. I'm not thinking straight anymore, I'm crying and screeching and he just sits there nailed to the ground, watching me with fear in his eyes.
Ieri ero quiete perché oggi sarò la tempesta (Yesterday I was quiet because today I'll be the storm)
***
Heyyy y'all, it's been way too long again since I've written and updated this story, I'm sooo sorry, but I hope you'll still keep reading.
I had the plan since I started writing this to write out their break up/ screaming/ running away flashback but I never found a fitting moment to throw it in the present storyline but I thought maybe this was the right moment after Marlena wrote the letter to Dami in the previous chapter. So this flashback will be continued in the next chapter for sure!
I'm kinda struggling to write this because I had certain feelings while writing in the beginning so I had to read what I wrote again, so I hope this hits the same level of emotion and writing etc
