The Wolf and The Raven, Bk 2

Ch 33 - Will the Real Lily Evans Please Stand Up?

This one took me a bit; I hope it's worth the wait. I feel like action and comedy are the hardest for me to write. Fluff and angst are more my jam, lol.

Warnings: references/inferences of sex

The song Branwen sings is Abba's "Honey, Honey." Enjoy the video > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j6OI9TxqzI 😁

The Marauders wasted no time living out their new credo of reckless behaviour.

On the first day back to classes, they set off hundreds Dungbombs over the entire castle, prompting a mass evacuation. James and Sirius were outed as the instigators by angry students who had to wait in knee-deep snow for the stench to clear from their classrooms. Filch suggested separating the two boys for their detentions (a whole week's worth), but he was foiled from the start – James' gift to Sirius for Christmas had been a pair of two-way mirrors. Now they could see and speak to one another no matter where they were.

Branwen, however, had to be much more careful with her actions. On her first evening back, she met with Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. The two women informed her that they had rearranged her schedule so that she now had Quidditch practise only two days a week (much to McGonagall's irritation) and only two days of apprenticeship with Pomfrey. That left Fridays for her prefect duties and the weekends to study for her quickly-approaching O.W.L.s. She would also continue to be subject to random blood tests by Pomfrey, to ensure that she didn't slip into her old potion habit.

Despite their daytime duties of detention, studying, Quidditch, and prefect patrols, the night belonged to the Marauders.

January's full moon rose only five days into the term, and, once the pain of the transformation had passed, the dark night was spent in exhilarating relief. The wolf and his companions raced through the forest, soft flakes of snow billowing in their wake. Even the frozen surface of the Black Lake became their playground. As they crossed the slippery ice, Prongs wobbled between the two canines, whose thick pads helped them grip the frigid terrain. Wormtail darted among their feet, deftly avoiding Prongs' flailing hooves, while Feathers soared high above, squawking in a tone that sounded distinctly like laughter.

On nights when the moon was less than full, they developed a new prank that would quickly become on of their favourites. Sirius dubbed it "The Knock-Knock Joke."

Using the fourth-floor tunnel, they made their way to Hogsmeade, then picked out one of the houses on the edge of the village, preferably one with plenty of trees or bushes to hide behind.

Peter was the first to set things in motion. Creeping from the shadows, he knocked on the door, then, before anyone could answer, transformed into Wormtail. When the homeowner opened the door, they saw a pair of human footprints leading to a small, pale rat that blinked up at them with unsettlingly blue eyes. After some initial confusion, they shut the door and returned to bed.

The rest of the Marauders would wait another ten minutes before sending Branwen to repeat the process. This time, when the person opened the door, they saw the same set of footprints, but were greeted, not by a rat, but an elegant raven. This continued with Padfoot and then Prongs, while the witch or wizard in the house grew more and more frustrated.

Finally, Remus ran to the door, pounding on it until it was opened a fifth time. Then he shouted, "Oh, Merlin! Have you seen my my kids? My wife's going to kill me when she sees I let them out again!" Before the stunned wizard could react, Remus sprinted back into the cover of the forest where he collapsed in a heaving pile of laughter with his friends.



Holidays always presented themselves with their own unique opportunities for pranks. As Valentine's Day approached, Professor Slughorn unwittingly abetted the Marauders by assigning his advanced classes the seasonally thematic Amortentia Potion.

It was a lesson Remus missed, along with the rest of his classes, having spent the latter half of the week in hospital after the full moon. So, on the first sunny weekend of the year, he found himself in the dungeons of the school, attempting to catch up to his classmates.

He wasn't alone though. Having failed his first two attempts at the potion, Peter knew that if he wasn't successful this time, he was sure to fail the class (none of Marauders actually knew how he had made it into the advanced Potions class anyway – they suspected that McGonagall had taken pity, knowing that he would fail even more miserably without his friends by his side). Branwen, besides being Remus' girlfriend, was also there to lend her expertise in the subject.

None of them exactly sure why Sirius was there. He seemed to be only interested in wandering about the classroom, examining the various jars of potion ingredients while Remus, Peter, and Branwen gathered around a bubbling cauldron.

"Easy with the rose petals, Wormtail!" Branwen exclaimed. The liquid in the cauldron turned a fair pink as Peter sprinkled the flowers over it. She consulted her textbook, then instructed Remus, "Now stir slowly."

"Yes ma'am," Remus grinned.

Branwen ignored him, counting the number of rotations before gesturing to Peter. "Okay, add the pearl dust – now!"

Peter dumped the entire contents of a small phial into the cauldron while Remus continued to mix the solution. Gradually, the simmering liquid took on the same sheen as the pearl dust. Branwen held her breath. When soft puffs of smoke began curling from the surface, she sighed in relief. "We did it!"

Remus and Peter shared a high-five.

"Hey, don't I get a thank-you?" Branwen frowned, placing her hands on her hips. "You two would still be staring at a bucket of boiling water if it wasn't for me."

Remus lifted her hands, replacing them with his own. "I was saving a special gesture of gratitude for you."

Branwen smiled and leaned in, but, before their lips could meet, Sirius' grinning face shoved them apart. "So...." he drawled. "What do you smell?"

"Sorry?" Remus pulled back.

"What do you smell?" Sirius repeated. "In the potion?"

It was common knowledge that Amortentia, besides inducing manic infatuation, could reveal the maker's attractions through its scents. The same batch could smell a hundred different ways to a hundred different students.

Branwen inhaled deeply. "I smell....broom polish, old books, and chocolate."

Remus blushed as he also breathed in the unique scents. "Um....Glengettie Tea, ink, and...." How could he describe the third scent? It was so subtle he barely even noticed it – or maybe it was just that the aroma was as much a part of him as the air he breathed. It was her Sleekeazy shampoo, the sweat she was covered in after Quidditch, the breeze filtered through her raven wings. "....and, uh...." he stammered. "Branwen, I guess."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You guys are so corny."

"What do you smell, Padfoot?" Peter asked.

"Let me guess," Remus smirked, "your own hair gel?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Sirius grinned. "Along with broom polish, sweat, and Firewhisky."

"What about you, Wormtail?" Branwen nudged him.

He shrugged. "Firewood....butterbeer....and –"

"Say, Feathers," Sirius cut him off, "I have a Potions question."

She frowned at him. "What is it?"

"If someone takes Polyjuice Potion, then puts their hair in an Amortentia Potion, would the drinker fall in love with the Polyjuice person or the real person or both?"

Branwen opened her mouth, then closed it. "I – I don't – I don't know."

"Then you know what this calls for?"

"An experiment?" Peter offered.

"Exactly!"

Remus groaned. "Why?"

"For science, Moony!"

Branwen pursed her lips. "Who will we use though?"

"You're in on this too?"

"I have to know!" She looked up at him through fluttering lashes.

"Fine." Remus sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "As if there's anything I can do to stop you and Padfoot when you put your heads together."

"Excellent!" Sirius grinned. "Now, Feathers, back to your question – who do we use? You and Moony?"

"It needs a third person. Someone to give their hair to the Polyjuice Potion, someone to take the Polyjuice Potion, and someone else to take the Amortentia."

"Okay, so I'll take the Polyjuice and turn into Moony, then you can take the Amortentia."

"You are not turning into me and trying to seduce my girlfriend!" Remus pounded his fist on the table.

"It's all right, Puppy," Branwen smiled and reached for his hand, batting her eyelashes again. "We're already in love – Amortentia probably wouldn't do anything to us any way."

Remus blushed, Peter made a soft "Aw," and Sirius faked gagging.

"All right boys," Branwen laughed, "let's get back to picking our victims – I mean, test subjects."

"What about Prongs?" Peter suggested.

"Hm," Sirius tapped his chin. "I like it. We'll use Prongs and Evans. I'll Polyjuice into Evans, then give Prongs the Amortentia."

They all turned, subconsciously, to Remus, as though seeking permission. He sighed. "All right. But only if Lily is in on the plan. It would be unethical to use her likeness without her permission."

"Not to mention she'd kill us all on sight," Peter added and they all nodded.


Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Branwen approached Lily with their plan that night, cornering her in the library where she was studying for her Ancient Runes exams. She tapped her quill against her chin as she considered the proposition.

Sirius nudged her in the ribs, grinning. "Come on, Lils. You can't pass up on such a perfect opportunity to make James look like a complete git."

"I don't know," Lily drawled. "He already chases after me all the time. I don't know if I could stand him on Amortentia."

"He may not even go for you," Remus pointed out. "It'll technically be Sirius' hair in the Potion, after all."

"Come on, Lils," Branwen finally added. "Aren't you the least bit curious? For the sake of Potion knowledge?"

Lily laughed. "Yeah, all right. Count me in."


The next afternoon, Peter talked James into helping him with his Muggle Studies homework in the library, while in the common room, the others prepared the Potions. The Polyjuice was ready, otherwise they would have had to wait an entire month for the complicated mixture to brew. The Amortentia came from the mixture Remus and Peter had finished for class. Lily and Branwen had spent the morning making an antidote to the love potion as well – just in case, as Lily insisted.

"Well, here goes nothing," Sirius grinned and reached out toward Lily's head.

"What are you doing?" She swatted him away.

"I'm getting one of your hairs."

"Don't pull it out of my head! Here." She reached into her bag and pulled out her hairbrush.

"You're sure this is yours?" Sirius held it to the light, as though he could tell if the bright auburn was counterfeit or not.

"I don't share my hairbrush." She rolled her eyes.

Branwen snatched the hair from Sirius and dropped it into the thick, brown potion. It bubbled and steamed, finally turning a soft green.

"Ah, essence of Evans." Sirius took the phial and sniffed like a fine wine. "Cheers!" He tipped it back, swallowing it all at once.

Everyone leaned forward, eyes wide. Nothing happened.

"Are you sure this potion is any goo – uuugghh." Sirius dropped to his knees and began to groan.

His thick, black hair started stretching out, then shimmered into a brilliant copper. His grey eyes flashed an emerald green and his lips twisted, puckering around his new, smaller mouth. His stocky figure shrank, thick biceps disappearing before two small lumps began to swell on his chest. His waist narrowed, hips flared, and legs condensed into short, soft curves.

When the transformation was complete, Sirius-Lily stood back, admiring her new body. "Woah! Nice tits, Evans." She brought her now-dainty hands up to her breasts, squeezing them appreciatively. "Nice tits, nice arse, nice c–"

Lily's wand was at her doppelgänger's throat."Touch it and die," she growled.

Sirius-Lily swallowed hard and backed away, hands up in surrender.

Remus and Branwen watched the exchange with fascinated revulsion before she shook her head and began preparing the Amortentia. Yanking a hair from Sirius-Lily's head, she dropped it into the silvery fluid. She then grabbed a bottle of butterbeer, poured the potion in, and swirled it around. After replacing the cap, and she tapped it with her wand, sealing it once more. "Right. Remember this bottle is for James. No one else must touch it."

They all nodded.

"So, yeah....you think we'll definitely win the next match?" Peter's voice filtered in from the other side of the portrait-door.

"Quick, hide!" Branwen shooed Lily and Sirius-Lily behind a pair of thick red velvet curtains. Then she and Remus settled themselves on an armchair together, both opening a bottle of butterbeer to set the scene.

"Of course we're going to win," James was telling Peter as they entered the common room and slumped onto the sofa. "Hufflepuff's line-up this year is the weakest I've ever seen."

"Hey Prongs, Wormtail" Remus smiled at his two friends. "All right?"

James shrugged. "Not too bad. Got any more of those butterbeers?"

"Of course." Branwen reached for the only bottle left on the table, passing it to her brother.

"Thanks, Bran." He used his wand to open the cap, then knocked back a long swallow. The potion was fast-acting – by the time he set the bottle down, his pupils had blown wide open, and he was wheezing as he gasped for breath. His eyes glazed over and a lop-sided smiled grew on his face.

"Branwen?" James turned to his sister with an airy gaze. "Have you seen Lily? Lily Joy Evans? Isn't that the most beautiful name you've ever heard? She's the best person in the world, don't you think? So clever and pretty....have you seen her? Is she here? I have to find her!" He swayed to his feet, scanning the room for the object of his infatuation.

Remus coughed to hide a laugh. "Uh, Prongs," he said. "I think I saw Lily over there –"

"Lily!" His head whipped around. "Where?"

One of the Lilys stepped out from the curtains. "Hello there, James." She smiled and leaned against the wall, hips cocked and arms crossed beneath her breasts.

"Lily!" James shouted. He leaped over the coffee table, shoved Peter aside, and ran into Lily's arms. "Lily! I love you! Did you know that? Did you know I love you? Have I said it enough? I love you!"

"Yes, well, that's....lovely." Lily tried to peel his arms from around her neck.

"Hey – hey, Lily."

"What, James?"

"Let's get married. Tonight. Let's go and get married and make a dozen babies that will all play Quidditch while you cheer us on."

"That sounds brilliant, Jamie."

He jumped back, and his jaw dropped. A second Lily had stepped from behind the curtains. "Lily? Two Lilys!" James ran and dropped to his knees in front of the new Lily. "This is the best day ever! We'll all get married! And have two dozen babies!" He gasped. "I bet Dumbledore can marry us! Let's go now!" He leaped up and grabbed the hands of both girls.

Remus, Peter, and Branwen were rolling on the floor with laughter. They did nothing to stop their friends' progression to the door. The trio was halfway across the room when the identical women stopped in their tracks, yanking James to a stop. They leaned their heads together, whispering. After a few moments, they seemed to come to the same conclusion, as their matching green eyes met and they nodded.

The first Lily extracted her hand and said, "All right, James. We've agreed that we'll both marry you...."

"....if you can guess which of us is the real Lily."

James blinked and glanced back and forth. "Real Lily?"

"Surely you've figured out that we can't both be Lily?"

His face fell as though he was a small child who just found out that Father Christmas would not be coming that year. "Only one Lily?"

"That's right," one of the Lilys said. "But don't worry. We'll give you a chance to find out who's who."

Their audience glanced between them. They weren't even sure they could tell the difference any more.

James nodded, like a man in a trance, his glasses slipping down his nose. The Lilys winked at each other, then the first stepped forward. She sauntered around him, her fingers trailing over his shoulders. Leaning in, she brushed her nose behind his ear and blew at the hairs along the nape of his neck. As her lips ghosted along the cusp of his ear, she whispered something that turned the boy's face a glowing red. Then she spun away with a swish of her hips.

"Bet that one's Sirius," Remus whispered.

"I'll take that bet," Branwen replied.

The next Lily simply crossed her arms and smirked. "Potter, you arrogant toe-rag, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last wizard on earth."

James' jaw dropped. Branwen fished in her pockets for a galleon to pass to Remus.

"Wait a minute," Peter started, "we still don't know which is the real one."

James glanced desperately between the girls, whimpering like a dog trying to choose its favourite bone. Then, with a sad pout, he pointed at the Lily who was still grinning at him, ginger brows raised. Wait – black brows?

"Uh-oh." Sirius-Lily's eyes grew wide as they shifted from green to grey. His chest flattened and shoulders widened, his muscles growing thicker and harder. His hair, black now, retreated into his head.

"You mean that first one was the real Lily!" Remus exclaimed.

"Yes!" Branwen shouted, pocketing her money.

"Wha-what?" James' eyes rolled back in his head and he fell flat on his back. "What just happened?

Peter peered over at him. "I guess both the potions wore off."

Branwen knelt beside her brother. "You all right, James?"

His eyes were squeezed shut. "There had better be only two explanations for this, Branwen." He lifted one finger. "Either this is a horrible nightmare I just woke up from." He lifted a second finger. "Or I died and this is some sort of hell I've been sent to for all my past mistakes."

"I'm afraid there's a third possibility." The real Lily sat beside Branwen. "It's all very real."

He squinted up at her. "Does that mean....did you really mean all those things you said? What you whispered to me?"

"No," Lily blushed. "It was just part of the joke, loser."

James groaned. "Just leave me to die....no!" He suddenly sat upright. "I can't die until I've killed all of you!"

He leaped to his feet, pulled out his wand, and began chasing his friends around the room, jinxes flying in every direction. They only stopped when Branwen called for a truce, the terms of which included Sirius doing James' homework for the rest of the month and Lily wearing a "Go Potter" shirt at the next Quidditch match. When they parted for the evening to their respective dorms, Lily paused at the entrance to her staircase. "Um, James?"

He paused as well, watching her with a raised brow.

"I had fun tonight. Maybe you and your friends aren't so bad after all." She turned and ran up the stairs, leaving James with a grin that looked like he was under the influence of the Amortentia again.



With the frivolities out of the way, Remus felt nerves beginning to set in as he thought about celebrating his first Valentine's Day with Branwen. It had to be perfect – like her. The night of February 13 found him pacing the length of his dorm. He tugged at his hair. "What am I going to do, Padfoot?"

"First of all, stop stressing." Sirius was sitting, shirtless, on the sofa. He took a long drag on his cigarette and blew out a steady puff of smoke that curled into the shape of a Snitch.

"But I need your help! It's our first Valentine's Day as a couple and it has to be perfect!"

"Aw, that's sweet Moons, but you don't have to go through that much trouble for me." Sirius grinned.

Remus grabbed a shoe and hurled it across the room at his friend.

"Okay, okay," Sirius lifted his hands in defeat and rubbed out his cigarette on the heel of the shoe now resting beside him. "I'm going to give you Sirius Black's guaranteed way to a girl's heart. It all boils down to the three C's: candy, carnations, and candlelight. Technically, it doesn't have to be carnations, I just liked the alliteration."

"Candy, carnations, and candlelight," Remus repeated under his breath.

"Want to write that down, Moony?" Sirius chuckled.

"No, I've got it....and that works for every girl?"

"It works every time I use it. Then again, it helps to have a little 'Sirius' charm."

"What about....what about when you want....well....something more?"

"Moony, you dog! Looking to get laid tomorrow are we?" Sirius smirked. "Look, if Prongs asks, I'm officially against this idea, since it is his sister. But, if you want to get a girl in the mood, even a classy girl like Feathers, start with all the things I already said.

"Then, add some touching. Start with the hands; it's the easiest to brush off as an accident if you get the cold shoulder.

"Speaking of which, the shoulder is your next spot. Work your way up the arm, then give a nice, gentle squeeze. Next, put your hand behind her neck and pull her in for a kiss. I think even you can take it from there Moony," he winked.

"Uh, where exactly is the best place, you know....with the most privacy?"

"Ah, that's the rub of living at school – finding a good place to shag. Myself, I prefer to distract you guys so I can have the room to myself. But a nice broom cupboard will do in a pinch. I've also done it in the locker room, empty classrooms, the prefects' toilet, out back of the Hog's Head...."

"I've heard enough." Remus rose and left before any more places could be ruined by the thought of Sirius shagging in them.


The next morning found Remus pacing once more, this time in the common room. As soon as Branwen appeared, he whipped out his wand and shouted "Orchideous!" A bouquet of blossoming roses sprang from the wand-tip. "Happy Valentine's Day, little chick!" Remus grinned eagerly as he passed her the flowers.

"Oh, Remus!" Branwen gasped. "They're lovely! Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

"And these are for you too." He pulled a box of chocolates from the pocket of his robes.

"Aw," Branwen kissed him again. "I'm going to enjoy sneaking these later in History of Magic."

They walked to breakfast that morning hand-in-hand and exchanged a long kiss before separating to their different classes.

Though Branwen had presented him with no gifts, Remus quickly realised that she had by no means forgotten about the holiday. In each of his textbooks throughout the day, he found little notes.

In Astronomy: You're the brightest star in my sky.
In History of Magic: Ours is a love that will be remembered forever.
In Care of Magical Creatures: You make my heart soar like a hippogriff.
In Ancient Runes: You've deciphered the key to my heart.

The finishing touch came at dinner when one of the school owls swooped over the Gryffindor table and dropped a Howler in Remus' lap. When he opened the scarlet envelope, Branwen's off-key voice sang out: Honey honey, how you thrill me / a-ha, honey honey /Honey honey, nearly kill me / a-ha, honey honey.

Remus groaned and sunk his head into his hands. Screams of laughter erupted through the hall; even the professors could be seen chuckling behind their goblets.

Branwen glanced down and began pushing her potatoes around her plate, feeling slightly guilty for embarrassing her boyfriend....until he raised his head. His face was burning, not with humiliation, but with lust. When he leaned in, she could see his dilated pupils and feel his hot breath skim along her skin. "So I thrill you, honey? Then come with me and see if we can take it up a notch."

He grabbed her hand and jumped from the table. Branwen giggled and trotted to keep up as they ran through the castle. Despite using every short-cut and secret passage they knew of, Gryffindor Tower had never seemed so far away. After stumbling over the password (Will-o-the-wisp), they raced through the common room, and up the last flight of stairs to the boys' dorm. When Remus reached for the door knob, though, he found a sock over the handle. He groaned, pounding on the door. "Padfoot! No!"

"Fuck off, Moony!" Sirius shouted over the sound of squeaking bedsprings.

"Gagh!" Remus dragged Branwen through the common room again. "Let's try your dorm."

"Wait! The stairs!" Branwen pulled him to stop just before he touched the step that would have turned the passageway into a flat, sliding surface. Remus growled again, then applied the Gripping Charm to the soles of his shoes. He and Branwen hurried up the sloping surface, then threw open the door to her dorm. She shrieked and crashed back into Remus' chest. Alice was moaning, head thrown back, as she bobbed up and down over her fiancé's sweating body. Remus slammed the door shut. "Remind me to Obliviate that later."

They made their way, slowly this time, back through the common room and into the corridor. Then Branwen gasped and pointed to the end of the hall. "The Room of Requirement!"

They both paced back and forth in front of Barnabas the Barmy's tapestry. No door appeared. "Come on, Room," Remus banged his fist on the blank stone wall. "We require you!"

Becoming impatient, they took off again, peeking into empty classrooms – some were occupied with students studying their work, others with students studying each other. When they paused to catch their breath, Remus eyed a nearby broom cupboard. He shook his head. I'm not that desperate....yet.

Finally, exhausted of all ideas, they sank to the floor in the Entrance Hall. Branwen laid her head on his shoulder. "It's all right, love. There'll be other days."

"It's not, all right," Remus whined, pressing his nose into her hair. "I wanted our first Valentine's Day to be special."

"Any day with you is special, Puppy."

"Wait! I have another idea!"

"Oof!" Branwen stumbled as she tried to keep up with Remus, who had grabbed her hand once again and was running toward the basement stairs. When they reached the proper painting, he tickled the pear on the canvas, and the door to the kitchens swung open.

"Master Remus! Mistress Branwen!" Beezy ran up to the teens, her naturally high-pitched voice squeaking even louder as she ran up to her two favourite Gryffindors.

"Beezy! Happy Valentine's Day!" Remus grinned and knelt to whisper in the house-elf's large ears. Her pale skin blushed as she squealed and nodded. Nudging herself between the two, she placed her small hand in theirs and guided them expertly through the crowd of her fellow elves. She led them to the farthest corner of the kitchen where they had never been before. In front of them was a pair of enormous oak doors guarding the school's vast pantry.

Branwen gazed around the cavernous chamber. There was a chill in dark air; the room was cool enough to keep vegetables and meats fresh, even without magic. She could see what appeared to be acres of shelves, sagging under sacks of flour and barrels of potatoes and sides of meat.

With a snap of Beezy's fingers, candles appeared. Like the ones in the Great Hall above their heads, the wax stems floated though the air, burning brightly without dripping on those beneath them. At another wave of the elf's arms, a large wine barrel drifted to their feet, gracefully draped by a starched, white tablecloth. Two crates of fresh apples settled beside it, both hung with thick coats for the pair to ward off the cold. Finally, Beezy topped the barrel with a plethora of puddings. There were cakes, tarts, strudels, ice creams, and seven kinds of chocolate bonbons.

"Thank you, Beezy." Remus awkwardly patted the elf's head. She giggled and left the two with their feast.

Remus pulled out a crate for Branwen. "I'm sorry this day wasn't the greatest," he sighed. "I wanted our first Valentine's to be perfect."

She reached across the barrel to hold his hand. "I meant what I said, Remus. Every day with you is perfect. I'm glad we're together, no matter what the calendar says."

He smiled softly and plucked a glistening strawberry from an overflowing bowl. When he offered it to Branwen, she wrapped her lips around the sweet berry, grazing his fingertips with her tongue. She leaned back, smirking at the dazed look on his face. "Besides," she added, "today may have been our first Valentine's Day, but it won't be our last."