Take A Roadtrip With Him - A One Direction Fanfiction

Retraction and Reminiscence

I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK A WHILE.
super fun fact; I am uploading this from Bali!! 
yes i'm in bali at the moment, I had some free time to I just... wrote!
it's REALLY long and REALLY revealing, you learn why Astrid and Harry broke up in this chapter. 
And just a quick warning, there is a little bit of anti-religious views from Astrid written into here, so if you're uncomfortable with that, you can just skip over it.

i just want you all to know that this story really does tackle a lot of serious themes, it's one of my more mature fics, and you all need to really get in-depth with it, and immerse yourself in the writing. Feeling what the character is feeling is very important in this story. And sometimes the things that happen are a little triggering and confronting, but i trust you all are old/mature enough to understand the issues that'll be happening in the next few chapters. There's going to be lots of Drug usage, self-harm, self-pity, and lots and lots of slightly scary personal and gruesome thoughts from the main character. This is okay, this is how i created Astrid. I just want you to all be prepared for those kinds of things, i'm starting to move up with my writing, and i think you all need to move up with me.

Picture of the chapter: Harry.
Song of the chapter: 'For You' by Angus and Julia Stone. This song is so beautiful and perfect for this chapter.

ENJOY IS GUYS!
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE/COMMENT/FAN ECT!

oh, and just quickly, Check out mine and my friends cover on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVFqZXDPO6U

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CHAPTER 6- Retraction and Reminiscence 


 “NO!, no no no no.... NO!” I yell in the middle of the cheap airport shop “-That’s stupid.. you’re stupid!”

Harry smirks again
“Like you’ll be going anywhere anyway, at least, not without me. Not after what happened at the roadside toilets”
“That was one time!”
“No, Astrid, it wasn’t ONE time, it happened last time we were in Venice too, you’re always getting yourself into those kinds of situations”
“i can take care of myself” I state
“No, clearly you can’t, thats why my one rule is there, and it’s staying”
we begin striding across the airport, I was behind him, my hand in his, arguing my case.
“then i’m not going”
“to hell you aren’t-”
“I am not going to be your damn house slave!”
“Did i say the word slave?!, no, I didn’t!”
“Then what is the whole point in going with you?!” I yell, whipping my hand out of his grasp “-Tell me, Harry!, because right now the scale is tipped WAY off balance”
Harry pulls the drawstring bag off of my shoulder
“Because you need a fucking detox!” He yells back, slamming my bag onto the marble floor. Everyone is watching.
“-You need some help, and the only place where i KNEW you were truly happy was Venice, with me” He grabs my arm again, bringing his voice to a low whisper “-I know it’s not the same, I mean.. I know we’re not the same, but it’s worth a shot, you owe yourself that much” he takes another breath “-I’m not taking you because i want us to be together again, fuck that, our relationship was screwed the moment it started, i’m saying i’m taking you because you need to be better, I won’t be able to let you out of my sight until you’re better”
“So you don’t trust me?, you think i’ll just ... off myself in the middle of the hotel room”
Harry winces
“Oh, i trust you, it’s the people around you that i don’t trust”
Harry goes on to explain where we were staying, and what room would provide the best view for a personal R&R with myself, and how i’ll have plenty of female friends to socialize with, and how i can cook on the gas stove and wash my own laundry yadda yadda yadda.
“and how long am i being held captive?” i ask, picking my bag back up again.
“at least two weeks, depending on how you’re feeling”
“and if i’m not better by two weeks?”
“then i’ll keep you in Venice, with me, until you are”
He grabs my hand again, running his fingers over the white scar.
“-it won’t happen again, I promise you, Astrid. I’ll make you better, everything will be better”
He tugs me lightly this time, urging me towards the gate.
I inhaled deeply, swinging my bag over my shoulder
“but now i have one condition”
Harry smirks
“-anything, anything at all... you name it”
I laugh to myself, remembering last time we were in Venice. Arguing over 10 minute coffee shop walks and who was getting what for who. How he hated when I left the teabags in the sink. How i hated when he used to never empty the trash can.
“You’re doing the coffee runs, and you have to do the grocery shopping”.

~

The airplane smelt like plastic and eagerness. I already wanted to run.
The idea of first class intrigued me, Harry had bought the tickets, but the moment i got into the cabin, I realized it wasn’t for me. Everyone was either carrying heavy leather suitcases or had their hair tied up in neat ballerina buns. I still had my drawstring bag and my blonde hair almost resembled a birds nest.
needless to say i felt like a white rose in a bouquet of red ones.
Harry nudges me forward.
“the seats are up the back, behind the personal curtain”
“personal curtain?, why are we-”
it clicked.
“oh, right” I say “-Harry Styles”.
“sorry” he mutters. Harry pulls open the curtain, revealing two regular cabin seats, accompanied by food trays and personal flight attendant buttons. I got sick of the luxuries a while ago.
“are you going in?” he asks
“right, yes” I say, stumbling forward onto one of the seats, it was awfully close to the other.
Harry takes the seat next to mine.
“Alright” he says, getting comfortable and closing the curtain “-give me your cellphone”
my eyebrows pull together
“what for?”
“so you can’t tell the boys where we are, I don’t want you blabbering”
“I am not giving you my phone Harry”
“you really have no choice in this, Astrid”
“yeah, I do. I’m not giving you my phone, what if my mother calls?, what if Rory calls-”
“if that prick calls you, i’ll be the one answering it.. now” Harry holds out his hand, signaling for me to hand it over “-phone”.
i roll my eyes and fish the phone out of my pocket, slapping it roughly into his hand.
“But i want to call my mother tonight”
“i can make arrangements”
“you’d better” I huff
I slump back into my seat, crossing my arms over my chest grumpily. I am not his slave.

“all passengers please fasten seat-belts and prepare for flight takeoff”
don’t you tell me what to do, either.

~


I caught a taxi home from the hospital.
My damaged arm sat tentatively against my knees.
my foot tapped.
homehomehomehome.
harryharryharryharry.
he was going to be so happy to see me, home early.
we can cook dinner together, and lie on the white sheets together. Getting to know each other all over again, as if we had forgotten how to touch and love.
we can roll around together, lazy caresses and passionate kisses.
oh love me, Harry. Love me love me love me, i’ll be anything you want me to be.


~

I sat seated for the last ten minutes of the flight. Harry was asleep beside me, drooling all over his striped hoodie. I pinch the bridge of my nose and breath out heavily. I hated when he snored, moaning profanities and complaining about his tight underwear. I didn’t care.
I wanted to breath again. To be able to understand myself, and my fears, and my foreign thoughts.
ever since i was little my mother had told me i had an invisible soul, a changeable one. I adapted myself to the people around me. Their thoughts and desires suddenly became mine. They’d say they liked something, and i’d say i liked it to. We all want to be loved, touched, handled. We’d all go to extreme measures to feel skin to skin, heart to heart. I just wanted to be what they wanted. I wanted to be the one they thought was perfect. I had to be perfect.
Harry was the one person that looked past all of that bullshit. I didn’t have to change myself, my thoughts, my desires. Because he had to accept me for all of that. I was the one thing that he had to accept, and I had to accept myself. Become the person i am now.
after what happened with Harry, i lost all of that. I lost everything i had. The passion, the love, the sex, the white bedsheets.
we had so much sex.
so much love.
so much desire.
That’s what clouded everything. The desire. Gone and vanished.
It’s so hard for anyone to understand how hard and different it is to be completely cut off from someone who you cared so deeply about before. How you were in this wondrous, beautiful euphoria, and go straight into something so deep and bleak and doleful. Yes, i know the word doleful, i’m a nineteen year old girl with a soul problem, not a mental defect.
although, i’m considering getting a brain transplant. Maybe i’ll understand the meaning of ‘love‘ and ‘forever‘ and ‘Brobdingnagian’.
While all of these thoughts were flying around my head, Harry was still sleeping, still drooling, still snoring.
“All passengers, please fasten seat belt and prepare for aircraft landing” the voice echoes up the halls and Harry jolts awake in his seat. A long spit string attached to his lip and the jacket sleeve
“w..we’re here?”
“were here” i assure him, patting his back “-arriving at captivity”
Harry laughs, a small smirk spreading across his sleepy face.
He fastens his seat belt and relaxes back into the seat, wiping his mouth.
“You’ll like the hotel” Harry says “-very Marie Antoinette”
I roll my eyes, settling back into my own seat, and fastening my seatbelt.
“I’d rather sleep in the gutter than in some snazzy hotel with you”
“can i sleep in the gutter with you, then?”
“no”
“then the hotel isn’t negotiable”
As the plane begins to descend towards the ground, i look out of out personal-curtained window. Watching the night skies of Venice.
I remember this. I remember seeing this for the first time, the lights, the buildings, the never ending water filled streets. Everything was so new and beautiful and iridescent and kaleidoscopic. Now it’s a place for my very own rehab, new stitches for an open wound. Mutilation and fucking egotistical thoughts.
The only way to risk happiness is to cut yourself wide open, and see how much of you bleeds out before you find something else worth fighting for. What does it take you to realize you’ve fucked everything up?, a $24,000 plane trip to Venice?.
Harry the tourniquet. ha.

~