As only five I was alone.
I was okay with that though,
Because I had imagination
That would guide my way.
But even my imagined friends
Couldn’t help me get through
“Normality.”
Of course now that I’m older
I know normality is meaningless.
But as a kindergartener who didn’t fit in…
It seemed like the end of the world.
Because I couldn’t play patty cake.
It confused me.
I never tried to learn any of those games
Because every time I tried the world stopped.
Just so it could stare, point its finger and laugh.
I never understood why I was so different.
I just knew I was.
So I developed this form of perfectionism,
Where everything had to be perfect
And if wasn’t…
Than I was the worst person in the world.
By first grade had ran up to my mom screaming and crying
Because once every year, ONCE, I had gotten my card moved.
So instead of green I was yellow.
I never made it to red.
But because I wasn’t green,
I wasn’t good…
Well that must have meant I was the worst person in the world.
And I truly thought that.
So eventually mistake after mistake.
I learned this tactic
Where it would be perfect or it would be pointless.
Dumb tactic I know but it’s the way I thought for years.
So if I was getting C’s in a class, then why bother.
So eventually I gave up.
And this isn’t the way to live because perfection doesn’t exist.
It’s even less real than your imaginary friends.
And it’s something I have to fight every day.
Because I had teachers who screamed
I had substitutes who told me “I was stupid and going nowhere in life.”
I had “friends”, but friends always had E N D.
So as they slithered on talking about my imperfections I took away f r i
And then I was done.
However, this made me even more insecure.
Because for me I was never handicapped when it came to my looks
It was always my personality.
Because there only reason to bully me
Was that I annoyed them.
Because apparently that’s a logical reason.
And all this got to me so I had to prove them all wrong.
And I did.
I even proved myself wrong.
YOU ARE READING
Broken Puzzle
PoetryWe're all a little broken and truth is, none of us fit in. But we try and conform, whether you want to believe it or not, we all do. However, day by day we slowly lose ourselves and thats when you feel stuck.