All I need

Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

SARAH POV

Sleep is starting to feel like a luxury that I can't afford, why do I say that? Ahh, that's because pregnancy is a bitch. 

I get off the bed, trying to find my fuzzy Dino slippers. I look at Zayan, and he's snuggled into the blanket fast asleep, he looks so peaceful, and I consider waking him up just for the sake of it (But I don't because I'm not that evil). I tiptoe to the kitchen to find something to eat because eating is always the answer.

As I help myself to some dry cereal, I recall the events of the past week; We found out the sex of the baby, and it's a girl, I was so excited I called Zayan's mother (Zayan told me not to, but I didn't care) and she didn't really care which hurt a lot. I keep reminding myself that I tried and that's all that matters, but can't seem to convince myself.

It's not like I like to torture myself, but I wanted to share this with someone. I didn't have my mother with me as she died a short time after I got married, and I thought that Ayla auntie would be happy, I mean her only son is having a kid. I guess it doesn't. 

I get a notification on my phone, it's a message request on Instagram. I open it and it leaves me shocked. It says Roha. Is it THAT Roha? Why did she message me? What does she want with me? How did she find me? Okay, calm the fuck down. Breath, yes breath. Now check what is she saying.

My finger hovers over the chat, I close my eyes and click it.

Hi, can we talk?

Talk? About what? What does she want? What SHOULD I say? Should I reply? No, Zayan wouldn't like that, but I want to know what she wants to say. Zayan and I are just going so good.

"God..." I say as I bite my finger.

Ok, so I'm going to ignore it, right?

"Sarah, What are you doing up?" 

I squeal and fall off the stool, I look up to see Zayan standing over me rubbing his eyes. He helps me up.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, trying to catch my breath.

He leans down to pick my phone, I try to beat him to it but can't. He sees the message and stares at it for a while.

"I-I I was ... I Just" I try to say, but it's like I've forgotten to talk.

"Sarah, why did She message you?" He doesn't look angry; He isn't happy, either.

"I dunno, I was confused too, and I wasn't going to talk to her. It's just that she texted, and I just saw like just now, I swear. I know you don't want to talk about her and I respect that, so I would never go behind your back. No matter how curious I was. I swear." I plead.

"Sarah, I'm not mad at you, it's just I Don't know what to do with this woman. What does she want me to do? Why is everything going wrong?" He runs his hand through his hair, he looks so tired.

"Zayan" I gulp, "Why don't you tell me what happened between you two"

He looks at me and I continue, "Isn't it better for me to get to know what happened from you, rather than from someone else?"

"You wouldn't understand."

I take his hands in mine, making him look at me.

"Help me understand, then."

He looks conflicted.

"Please."

"I don't know how to start." He stares at our hands.

"Try for me?" I plead.

"Okay, but you aren't going to like it."

"Zayan, I just want to know what happened. It's not going to change my feelings for you, nothing will."

"I'll hold you on that." He tries to smile. "Okay, We were in the same school and were kind of close. Our parents were so nonexistent, and we grew closer because of it. There came a time we thought we liked each other. But it wasn't that, it was us not wanting to be alone. We started going out and..."

He groans. I squeeze his hand, edging him to go on.

"We started to get together. We started to have... God Sarah. I hate myself for it, I swear I do. I just...."

I cup his face.

"Hey, it's okay. You had sex? So, what? you were young, you didn't know any better. You didn't know any better-"

He takes my hands off him, "It's worse than that."

He won't look at me, and I feel my heart sink.

"Zayan." I try to hold his hand.

"No Sarah don't. FUCK! She got pregnant. Okay?" He pulls his hair.

"What?" I whisper. He takes a deep breath.

She what? I-

"She was pregnant. She didn't tell at the time. She got an abortion and told me right before she left for university."

He looks at me, his eyes are wet. "I almost had a kid. Sarah, I got a girl pregnant. It kills me that I don't deserve you. Y-you didn't do anything like that, you never did anything like that. I did. I-I almost had a kid and I wish I did have it, I-I... I wanted to. I wanted it so bad. When Roha told me what she did, I hated her for it, Because she took away something from me."

I just stared at him as he sobbed. I squish anything I felt and I walked up to him. He looks at me, "I'm sorry. Sarah, I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me." He begged.

It made my heart hurt.

I hugged him as tightly as I could, and he hugged me back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. He looks at me scared as if I'm going to say something that'll ruin him.
"Sarah please. I beg you please don't. I'm sorry. Don't leave me please don't leave me. I can't loose you."

I hold his hand and I give it a squeeze.

"Listen to me ok. Let me talk."

He looks at me his eyes pleading with me but he nods.
"I'm sorry I forced you to tell me that. I'm sorry I made you believe that I'm perfect. I'm not. I did stuff I'm not proud off in my life. And I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me that. I just want you to know I love you so much and I'll stay with you no matter what happens. You are my family. You are all I have. You made a mistake in your life that's ok. And you wanting the baby is normal, you wanted a family and that's a normal response. You deserve to be a dad."

He kisses me and whispers, "Thank you, thank you."

I gave him a sad smile. "Come on, let's go to bed."

He hugs me and nods.

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Song: Baarishein by Anuv

Hey, That's all for today.

Love handharper.