My heart's always with you

Chapter 4

***Brian's P.O.V.***

We met at a small diner to talk about the things that happened. I was nervous and still mad cause of the way she treated me the last time that I saw her. But I also knew that I needed to talk to her. Not to make things right but to make peace with the situation.

When I walked inside I saw her sitting at a corner table by the window. I took a deep breath and walked towards her. " Hi Michelle" I said with a flat voice. Damn I hated these kind of awkward conversations. I much rather perform in front of 80.000 people than have this conversation. This was just fucking nerve racking.

" Hi Brian, how are you ?" She seemed very relaxed. It made me feel irritated. How could she be so relaxed while she knew what she did to me? It made me feel like she didn't even care.  Why did I care so much ? Why did it bother me in at all ? 

"Please sit down, you're making me nervous". She gestured to the chair in front of her. I sat down and grabbed the menu. Just to have something to do. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes untill the waitress came to take our order. 

"Would you please say something to me? " Michelle asked. She looked really worried. Like she thought I was a ticking time bomb that could go off any moment. 

" I wouldn't know where to start" I tried to sound calm but I was still irritated. So I waited for her to respond. She took a deep breath and looked out of the window. I could see now that she was just as nervous as I was. It made me relax a little. The waitress came back with our food and we took a few bites without saying something.

"I just want you to know I really am sorry about everything that happened. It was never my intention to hurt you" She said as she looked at me from across the table.

I saw the guilt in her eyes but I couldn't care less. she should feel guilty . " Michelle I don't think you wanted to hurt me. But what did you think that would happen ? That I would never find out ? That if I did found out, I would somehow be OK with it ?" . I asked in disbelieve.

"No, no Brian that is not it. I just needed someone who was there for me and you were never home. What was I supposed to do ?  Just sit around and wait for you to come home ? Sure it was stupid to do but it's not like I planned to cheat on you. It just happened" She said while playing with her salad. 

I rolled my eyes at her explanation. God how could she be so damn ignorant. " Yes that is exactly what you were supposed to do. That's the whole fucking point of being married! because when you marry someone you promise to love and take care of one another. You don't go around you husbands back and cheat on him" I sad irritated.

Tears were welling up in her eyes now. " I..I know I fucked up Bri. But I just don't know what to do to make it right". Now she really started to cry. Tears were streaming down her face. I gave her a napkin to dry her tears. Even though  I knew she hurt me so much I couldn't stand to see her cry. Maybe she really was sorry about everything. I took a deep breath and run my hands through my hair. " I know you want to make things right but you broke my heart Michelle. I can't just ignore that and just move on. The only thing I will ask from you is to leave me be for a while. Just let me live my life. Is that to much to ask ?". It was so good to finely say what I wanted to say.

Michelle looked up and blinked a few times. It was like she needed to process what I just asked her.  She sniffed a few times before she answered. " I can understand that and I promise I will let you live you life. But I still hope that you and I will make peace with each other"

" You know, I really don't know now if that will be possible. I just think we both need to figure out where we want to go from here". I felt the irritation leaving my body. It was a good thing that we had this talk, of that I was sure. Even if it felt surreal to go on with my life without Michelle. This women that had been part of my life for so long. I couldn't even remember my life without her. Being a single guy again was going to be really weird.