Bughead || recovering

Four

the next day rolled around
Heather went to school today , surprisingly
"Hi Betty" she said peaking from behind my locker , right before she shut it
"Hi heather" "so about that paper that you wrote about me-" "what paper"
"Oh don't play dumb" "you don't need to play dumb , you already are"
"So funny, i know you wrote it," "no why would I everrrrr do that to you, and anyways even if I did , it's not like you didn't write one about me" "I'd never do such a thing" she said sarcastically before she walked away
In class they showed some presentation about suicide prevention
Something in my mind went off at this one specific part about pills so I got up to use the bathroom and threw up in one of the stalls , even the sight of a pill makes me want to throw up , probably because of last summer , it was so hard for me
Get medication because I'd throw it up afterwards.
Eventually lunch came around and I was at were I always was
"Do you never eat lunch", I looked up to see jughead
"Not really" "what happened in class you just rushed out the room in the middle of the presentation and didn't come back"
"I got sick" "from what" "I don't know"
"Was it because of the presentation"
"You really don't have to worry for me , or sit with me at lunch"
"I know but I want to"
I feel like you pity mc" "what do you mean"
"I feel like you talk to me because you think that I'm some
Misunderstood sad girl and that you're my only friend in the whole wide
World and that you can fix me because I'm just so messed up and broken" I said sarcastically
"Not really , I don't know why I do , I can't understand it either but here we are"
"You're wasting you're time here" "no I don't think so"

Halloween was in a week , and that was my favorite holiday , I liked walking around
And looking at all the houses , I used to do it with my friend,
I don't know where she is now , I have no remaining friends , or I haven't tried to re kindle the relationship I once had with them , I know Im okay now ,
But one day I know I'm not gonna be here , and I don't know how to stop that
Thought and it pops into my head everyday , I Couldn't imagine the burden of communicating with me just to see my face on the towns newspaper the next day ,
It wouldn't be human of me to do something like that to a person.
everyday of October I would ride my bike around the neighborhood , looking at all the decorations.
It started raining so I had to go back home , as I put my bike in my garage I heard someone
Call my name , I turned and saw Veronica , Veronica lodge , we were best friends before I ghosted the world , I hadn't really talked to her since I got back.
"Hi Veronica" "I brought you some cookies"
"It's raining do you want to come inside" "sure" I placed the box
On my counter and lead her to my room , we sat on my bed and sat in silence while each of us tried to make out words to say "how was summer"
"Good , how was Italy" "good"
"So where'd you actually go" "Italy , why" "oh cmon"
"What are you talking about" "you randomly disappear , nobody hears from you for a year ,
Your siblings don't say a single word about you and all of a sudden you pop back up
All emo and quiet" "I don't know why that is" "something happened to you , I know it"
"I wouldn't know what your talking about" "was it nick"
"Stop it Veronica" "you can tell me if it was"
"Well no , nothing happened" "you don't just disappear from the world and just act like
Nothing happened" "what , do you want from me" I said in a higher tone
"Awnsers" "you want awnsers , fine I'll give you awnsers" as it got up and went to this box of post cards I had from when I was 12 , looking for the Italy one ,
I grabbed it and handed it to her
"I'm sorry" "it's fine" "no I'm sorry that you can't trust me enough to at least tell me what happened so you have to give me some shitty post card from 4 years ago"
She handed it back pointing at the date written in small text
"I think you should leave" "I'll see you around then" she said before she stormed out my room" I went downstairs and stared at the cookies she left me
A few days later It was the night of Halloween , and my parents were out of town
So my siblings threw this huge costume party it was raining
So everyone was inside , I stayed in my room , until I heard a knock at
My door I opened to see jughead dressed as a , hotdog....
"What are you dressed as, Bella swan?" "Very funny"
"Why aren't you downstairs" "I don't know" "well , wanna do something fun"
"What fun is there to be had on a raining Halloween night"
"a little rain won't stop Halloween"
Fast forward 10 minutes and we were in the parking lot of a pumpkin patch with a maze
A maze witch took a hour that I almost cried in
"That was fun" "we're both muddy and almost gave up and cried ourself to sleep in a cold muddy hay maze"
We drove back home and the party was still very much alive
"Follow me" i said as I lead him to the backyard
"Look at that" I said while pointing in the pool" he looked closely as a I pushed him in
"At least give me a hand" "I'm not stupid.... , but it's only fair" I said before I fell in
We splashed at each other for a little before we got really close ,
To a point we're our noses were almost touching
I backed up and awkwardly smiled before I got out
"I'm going to go change my clothes I'll be back in like 10 minutes"
"Okay"
15 minutes passed and he eventually came back
We sat on my bed for a minute or so not knowing what to say ,
Before we looked at each other for second or two
Then we made out
After a few seconds I pulled my face back and stared at him for a second
"I'm sorry" he stood up and was about to walk out
Before I grabbed his hand "don't go" he sat down "I don't know why I did that"
"It's fine" "I just , I don't want you to get to close to me"
"Why not"
"It doesn't concern you" "I want to be your friend, but only if your let me"
"I don't want to hurt you" "I think you're scared"
"I'm not scared"
"you scared that someone gonna get to close to you and see what's behind
The surface and see who you really are"
"That isn't true" "or maybe you can't except the fact that someone could actually
Like you" for a minute or two he kept on going on with random assumptions, some true , some not , I eventually reached my breaking point and raised my voice
"You'll never know what it's like to see you're parents face knowing what you did to yourself
You'll never know what it's like living my life alone knowing that one day I'm not gonna be here , I could never put someone through that pain of knowing me just to find out
I killed myself the very next day , so yeah ,I am scared , I'm scared of myself
And I have every reason to be" he just stared at me for a second
"You never did go to Italy did you"
"I think you should leave"
I said before he head for the door , looking back at me right before he walked out