- currently editing - not the only one || saiki kusuo no psi nan

chapter eleven

            Bell stood in her room the following morning, taking stock of everything in it. One of the walls of her room was lined with books. She liked to read. That was part of a personality, right? One of the building blocks that made her a real boy, as Pinocchio would say.

"I'm a real boy! I'm a real boy!" she said to herself, and then grinned. She had, in her opinion, a great sense of humor. That was part of a personality.

This doesn't have to do with what Saiki was talking about though, does it?

She sat down on her bed with a heavy sigh, and then gave in completely and laid back on it. She thought about how and why she had first approached Kuboyasu. She had probed his mind and found that he was close to Nendou and Saiki, the two people she couldn't read. She had determined that he had a kind heart and approaching him as the lonely transfer student would warm him up to her the quickest. She had told herself she didn't like having to use those tactics to get what she needed, but isn't it what she always did?

At her core, she knew it was a survival tactic. Giving her parents what they wanted was how she navigated life growing up. Behaving the way her tutors wanted her to behave kept her out of trouble. Acting the way her father's business associates thought a young lady should act earned her praise.

But this wasn't a survival situation. There was no one around to discipline her if she acted like herself. So, why was she still resorting to those tactics?

At your core, you're just a manipulative bitch.

Bell squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head to drive that intrusive thought away. She was never unkind; she never used her powers for malice. But she did use them to get what she wanted. She always acted so kind, so sweet, but weren't her true thoughts always filled with more vitriol than that? When was the last time she really spoke her mind?

Well, that was easy. She had the night prior, to Saiki. But did he really count? He knew what she was. She had also given Saiko a piece of her mind. But did she really?

A weight settled on her chest when she realized she hadn't. She was playing the role of the scorned fiancée. What did she care if he galivanted about with other women? Sure, it pissed her off, but why did she really care what he did? She didn't love him, and she never would. She knew it was appropriate in that situation to be angry, so she was angry. But it was just a role she was playing.

And she had used her powers for malice, hadn't she? She thought back to her first conversation with Kaidou, how she acted like she thought he was talking about LARP. She knew his delusions were real, and she had indirectly teased him for it. Why the hell did she feel the need to do that?

You're mean.

She didn't shake this thought away.

...

A few hours later, she headed out the door to head to Saiki's place. She didn't make it very far out the door before she slammed into Saiko's chest, however. She stepped back as he stumbled. "I didn't see you," she said. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he said quickly, brushing his chest off. He gave her a gleaming smile. "I came to check on you. You were gone when I woke up."

"Yeah," she said. "Sorry about that." She pushed her hands in her pocket, and it was quiet between them for a moment. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," he said. "How about you?"

"Fine," she said. He nodded.

"Good."

The silence returned. With her ring broken, she could hear all the thoughts racing through his head. She was thankful that the cause of the fire wasn't among them, but she still wasn't happy with what she heard.

Where is she heading? Why didn't she stay last night? Why hasn't she commented on my new suit?

"I've got to get going," she said finally, trying to sidestep him. She stopped when he put a hand out in front of her.

"Where are you going?" he asked. "I have the day free. I could take you shopping. Get you something nicer than your current garb." He tensed. "Not that there's anything wrong with the way you dress, I only mean that-"

"I'm actually going to Saiki's house," she said. The words fell out of his gaping mouth, and he was silent for a moment. Even his thoughts paused momentarily.

"I thought you two had an argument," he said, clearly struggling to keep his tone even.

"We did," she said. "I'm on my way to apologize."

"Oh."

The silence returned, but Bell decided not to let it linger. "Excuse me," she said, pushing the hand that had stopped her out of her way.

"I can drive you," he called as he stepped quickly to keep pace with her.

"I'd rather walk, thanks," she said.

"Then I'll walk you," he said. She stopped and took a deep breath.

"No," she said. He stopped as well.

"No?" he asked. She turned to face him.

"I'd like some space, if you don't mind," she said. "I'm trying to have a life of my own here. I can't do that if my future husband is shadowing me everywhere." She paused, trying to think through if the words coming out of her mouth were her own design. They almost were. "Frankly, you're getting on my nerves."

He stared blankly at her for a moment. "Oh." Her mind instantly routed to apologizing, smoothing things over, giving him her most practiced smile. She fought the urge.

"I'll see you at school," she said, then turned and walked away. She smiled softly as she started walking to Saiki's house.