Dear Diary,
This is my first ever time writing in you. i dont really know what to write.And I don't know why everything has to go wrong when it finally seems to go right. Like 5 days ago I was in school. We had gymclass and we were playing football. I had the ball and started to run with it to make a goal. That when I blacked out. And I died. For a few minutes atleast. How? Well my heart stopped. Yup it stoped. One second it was beating and the next it wasn't. I cant remember much what happend but next thing I know I woke up in a hospital. Just a few minutes after i woke up a doctor came in to my room. I asked what had happend and why i was here. Thats when my world stopped spinning. I'm gonna die. Well just if i don't get a heart in 2 months. The doctors said that it was something wrong with my heart and it was gonna stop working soon. Acually if im not connected to these machines it would stop any second now. I'm scared. I dont know if im gonna make it. What if i dont get a heart in time? Im gonna die. Im gonna fucking die. But I still dont wish and hope for a heart. Why? well thats because a person needs to die. If im gonna get a heart someone else needs to die. I dont want that.
Im acually in the hospital right now. In my bed. Connected to these machines. The beeping makes me really annoyed like i cant sleep sometimes because of it. And Im gonna be in this room for a while now. Maybe until I die or untill I get a heart. Its pretty boring in here. Like what teenager dont get bored of sitting in a room all by themself with nothing to do except watching some old tv show on a small telly or read newspaper. Thats what i have been doing these last few days.
You may wonder how I got you here since its the first time i write in you. Well its this nurse who has been checking up on me from time to time that gave you to me. She said that i could entertain myself alittle by writing in you. and she also said that it would be good for me to write some of my thoughts in you since i dont have that many to talk to. well she didnt say that but she did say that it would do me good to get these thoughts out of my head. You may wonder where my parents are huh? Well they died in a house fire when i was 9. that was 7 years ago. I still miss them.
Well i now live by myself. or not anymore i guess cuse im stuck in this room. but i usually live by myself in a house my aunt used to live in. I lived with her after my parents died. But just a year ago she died. I dont miss her as much as my parents tho. She wasnt very nice to me and made me do everything. After she died I would have gone to someother realetive but no. They felt like i was better of on my own. Well i kinda suggested it. so i live alone. Just me, myself and I. I must edmit it gets kinda lonley acually. But who cares I can do what i want. Eat what I want. Its every teenagers dream really. But now im stuck here. They said that they have contacted my other aunt ,who i was supposed to live with, and she is gonna come over tomorrow. She lives a few hours away so she couldnt come any earlier.
so yeah thats all i had to tell you right now. I dont know how often im gonna write in you and if its gonna be this long but im going to try okay? Well I guess thats all for now,
Yours truly, Ava
