Dylan O'Brien Imagines

Joel - You Just Don't See It Don't You

He opened her letter. Something inside him died. He felt numb. His best friend killed herself.

" I'll be long gone by the time you read this. You never notice but i always loved you. From the moment that you held my hand... Do you remember that day? "

He remembered every time they held hands or when she drew circles with her thumb on his palm to calm him down. He was smiling now but not a happy one. It was because of the nights, mornings, days, minutes, hours, years, evenings they have shared. That was not possible anymore.

" You and me were getting closer day by day. I think it was two weeks later from the all of the shit had happened. We heard noiceses, you held my hand without thinking. You looked like scared puppy. Good your face was ridiculous. Then bum bum, i noticed i was slowly but yet painfully falling in love with you. You always loved her, I didn't mind though and i still mind. But you left me for your lover, sorry it sounded like i am angry with you but opposite. I'm happy, at least one of us will be happy in the future. To be honest i was okay with you being my best friend... Well i guess i wasn't. "

He started cry. Every inch of his body filled with pain, regret. He left her alone. He shouldn't have left for what? For love, fuck love.

" I don't want to write something long, you know me i'm a lazy person. I always be a lazy person. Well i was a lazy person cause you know when you read this it means i killed myself. "

His cries turn into sobs. Karen ran in to find him on her bed crying, yelling. He loved Joel, she was already hurt and seen him like this made everything worse. "Joel. " she placed her hand on his hair, she stroked slowly to calm him down. She knew how much they meant to each other. She always teased him and her to become more, knowing that Venus loved him, but he was to blind, he didn't have any idea. Joel opened his closed eyes. " Do you want me to read for you? " she whispered. He nodded. She leaned and took Venus' letter from his hand carefully. Before reading it she placed a kiss on his temple. " You will be okay, it will be slowly and painfully but we will be okay. " she said and started reading.

" You said ' Aimee out there... I can't- I can't stay. There is no reason to stay. ' I'm not gonna lie those words of yours hurt like hell. There is no reason to stay. I mean i'm not blaming you, don't get me wrong. I was the one who was saying go find Aimee bluh bluh... But it never occurred to me that you would go. I always thought we would find her together then you would get your happy and i get mine sappy ending but i was wrong. You didn't even ask me to come with you. Why didn't you? "

Karen' eyes filled with tears but she held back. Joel sobbed once again, his quilt was killing him. If he could, he would kill himself but he wanted to hear what she was gonna say next. He wanted to know how bad he hurt her.

" And before i write my goodbye. You were the only reason why i've never did what i'm about to do. Now that you're gone too, I have no one to hold on. Not a single soul. "

" I wasn't gone, Karen. I wasn't gone. " he yelled-whispered. Karen look at Joel, pain in her eyes. He was hurt and she didn't believe he could become happy ever again. " We know... We know you would always come back. You don't have explain yourself. " she wanted make him feel better but there was no way.

" Dead List

My dad

My mom

My sister

My friends"

" My dog Boyd "

" Boyd? Boyd was her dog, red dress, lipstick... " he whispered. She thought how Minnow reacted when he gave her Venus' lipstick. He left her to, he promised to find Minnow. He never she wouldn't kill herself but he didn't care. One lost was enough. " Look at her dog good or she can kill you. " Karen said trying not to sound hurt. " I will. " he sighed.

"My cat Artemis

Well I guess ME now... "

Karen gave her and Joel a minute to take all in.

" Joel i love you. Thank you for helping me... You were the reason for me and i stayed here just for you. "

" She loved me? " he asked. Karen nodded. " She loved me and i was too fucking dumb to see it. " He remembered the day he left, she said ' you just don't see it don't you? ' she meant she loved me. " Karen i'm so fucking dumb. " he cried all this information did nothing but fill him with regret. He chose one girl who he loved when he was younger but he didn't choose the girl who loved him and helped him calm down, helped him sleep, helped him get braver. " You're no dumb Joel. " Karen said. She didn't know what to say next so she kept reading.

" Now you don't need me anymore."

I need you, how could you think like that? He asked to Venus. He hoped maybe Venus was hearing his thoughts and maybe she could come up to her room and answer it. I am sorry.

" I guess all I can do now is go... Please tell our friends that i love them ( I will say it too after i finish writing this ). And tell them it's not their fault. It's nobody' fault. Not yours, not mine.. Maybe a little bit mine but shhhhh we're not gonna talk about it. It is my time to go. I will always be your side, watching you and probably making fun of you. "

A painfully chuckle left his lips for a second then once again he sobbed but he knew better then anyone she was right beside him, laughing at him, joking how he looked like girl.

" Your lovely friend Venus. "

"My lovely friend Venus. " he repeat her words. " Can you go, I wanna be alone. " he whispered to Karen. Karen just nodded and went out. When Karen left, he started shaking. He stand up to go and grab her picture, pinned on the wall inside of their rooms. But he fell to the floor, his legs weren't able to hold him. " I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE. VENUS I... I.... I DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE! " he yelled. He got up, he was trying his best to remember her calming him, to calm down. It worked he imagined her thumb drawing circles, saying ' you will be okay '. He grabbed her picture and held it for almost an a half a hours. He loved her eyes, orbs in her eyes were shining. He smiled, he wasn't crying or sobbing anymore but his tears were threaten to come out. " I'm sorry. I was so blind, I didn't see. I love you Venus, I will always love you. When Minnow told me if i left you to find love, i was a the biggest idiot. Yet again if i was going to leave her like i left you. I needed to come back to you not to go Aimee. Cuz you're my love. You would love her, I told her everything about you, your smile, your hair, your bad really bad jokes, how you baked cakes for me but no one else. She loved you so much and she doesn't even know you. " his tears left his eyes. " I promised her I was gonna come and get you and you two were gonna meet. I can't hold my promise, not anymore. " he dried his face. " I'm sorry. " he sighed. " I'm sorry, when i saw Aimee i didn't even felt anything but at that moment all i wished she was you. I am an idiot, to notice how i felt about you i needed to lose you. I'm sorry. Goodbye, I'll see you when I see you. " he smiled at him. He knew she needed a goodbye. So here it was.

Venus smiled at his friend. She didn't question the decision she made, she knew she had to. But she couldn't gave in that beautiful light before seeing her friend, her love reading her letter. When she heard him saying 'I love you Venus, I will always love you' she chuckled how tragic they end. She sat beside him kissed his forehead, she knew he wouldn't feel it but it didn't mean she wouldn't. " Lots of sorry you dumbass, stop it. I lost count. " she chuckled when he said sorry for one last time. 'Goodbye, I'll see you when I see you'. I'll see you when i see you, really. She laughed at his sentence, she pecked his lips. It didn't feel like it was real but it was best she could get. She smiled and played with his hair, pet him like he was a puppy. She stood up. " I'll see you when i see you, my love. "

SEE, I'M DEAD INSIDE LETS BE DEAD INSIDE