As Cold As Ice // Charlie Gillespie

Chapter 44

"What did you say? I think I didn't understand you correctly." Charlie's grin is so wide I can't help but smile too, playfully hitting his arm. "I love you, you idiot." I don't know why it took me so long to say it but until now it never felt right. When Charlie told me he loved me at the bus station it would have felt weird to respond with I love you too, like I just did it because he did it. Over FaceTime it didn't feel right either but right now it felt perfect. His grin grows even wider before he pulls me closer and kisses me passionately.

"If I would have know you nearly need to freeze to death to confess your love for me I would have done that way earlier." I roll my eyes but my smile doesn't leave. "You really are trying your best to make me wanna take it back, huh?" Charlie presses his hand against his chest in pretend shock which makes me shake my head, laughing. "You're unbelievable." Charlie pulls me even closer and leans down until his lips are only inches away from mine. "But you love me" he whispers against my lips, which makes my whole body go up in flames, before he kisses me once again.

"Good morning" Charlie whispers when I stretch and open my eyes. It takes me a second to remember where I am but once I do my lips curl into the brightest smile. "Damn, I really missed you" Charlie says before he leans down to kiss me. When he pulls back I whisper "This is so much better than FaceTime." I must admit first I didn't think we would come this far. When Charlie got on that bus back to Canada? I thought that's it. I thought after two months of not seeing each other we would be done but we made it. Here we are, waking up next to each other like we've never been separated.

"You know, it's quite convenient that your family isn't here, isn't it?" Immediately, Charlie seems caught and rubs his neck. "Well, maybe it wasn't a coincidence?" My eyes widen in disbelief. "You asked them to leave?" He shyly shakes his head. "Not entirely. Mum suggested we might want some time to ourselves before you meet them and I didn't disagree." The brightest smile on my lips I say "I love your mum already." She was completely right. Coming back and being confronted with Charlie's family right away when we had to get used to being together again too would probably have been a bit much. Having a few days with Charlie alone is exactly what we needed.

"Ok, ready for breakfast?" My tummy takes over and grumbles in response which makes us both laugh. Charlie jumps out of bed and throws me a towel. "Shower is right there." He opens the door and points at another. "I'll see you in the kitchen when you're done?" I nod my head happily before I get up too to grab some clothes for the day.

"So... the ice?" - "Charlie, don't." The morning started out so well, why does he have to bring it up? "I saw the look on your eyes yesterday. You miss it." I throw my hands in the air in defeat. "Of course I miss it. Every single fiber of my body misses it. Is that what you want to hear?" I look up at him. "It's a start." His voice is quiet, careful. I think back to the last time I had an outburst like that in the hospital. "Sorry, I didn't mean to let it out on you. It's just... whether I miss it or not doesn't matter. I can't do it anymore. I'm too scared." - "But you hurt yourself before, didn't you?" I nod my head weakly. "Yes, but that was different. This time... I don't know. I don't trust myself anymore. I shouldn't have been on the ice in the first place."

Without seconds Charlie is sitting right next to me, reaching for my hands. "Mia, you made a mistake, yes. We all do. You can't let that take away what you love the most." I know he's right but he doesn't get it. It's not like I can simply shut up the panic that rises in my chest when I step onto the ice. The panic of failing again, of disappointing my mum again, of hurting myself because I acted foolish. "The pressure is too much." I've never said that before, never even thought it but now that it's out I realize it's true. "The second the doctor's gave their ok mum was determined to get me competition ready. I wanted to do it, for me and her. I wanted to get back on track but..."

"Mia, look at me." I look up at Charlie. "Why did you start skating?" - "Because it was fun... it made me happy." He nods like that's exactly what he expected to hear. "Then that's all it has to be. No competition, no pressure, just fun. No crazy jumps or pirouettes. Imagine we weren't good at skating. Imagine we would be on a skating date and you had to hold my hand because I'd fall without you. And I'd hold your hand and watch that you don't fall." - "I don't know." It does sound fun but I don't know if I'm ready. "Would you be willing to try? We won't do anything you're not ready for." I trust Charlie - if I can't do it with him then I'll never be able to do it. "Well stop whenever I say it?" He nods eagerly. "I promise. I won't push you to do anything you don't want to do." It can't hurt trying, can it? I'll be safe with Charlie. I won't hurt myself again. I won't disappoint anyone if I'm not as good as I used to be before I fell. I take a deep breath before I say "Ok."