AM, PM

chapter 8

Layla

The soft caress of the wind on my cheeks is like a mother’s embrace. I pull my knees closer to my chest and put my head in the crease that action forms. The sun sets slowly, gracing the horizon with its arrival. The lake I sit before is at peace; more than I ever could be.

If only I am peaceful. It seems as if for the past days, the universe has been conspiring against me. I urge for the ground to swallow me open and end this misery; because I cannot fathom how I will live like this.

Forgotten, unwanted—I am not even a memory to those I love. I am the latest stardust that the universe has decided to sweep away from the face of the earth. If only I could forget myself and this life I used to be so proud of, things would be so much easier.

My hands are damp from the wayfaring tears, but I close my eyes. Breathing in the fresh air, I sense my muscles relax. I repeat three words my mom used to make me repeat every morning until the age of 5:

“I am strong, I am powerful, I am beautiful,” I whisper.

My stomach growls; but I gulp what is left of saliva in my mouth and take in every breath instead of food.

What flabbergasted me is the fact that I got kicked out from Aiden’s house. It was all I had left; the only place where someone knew me as who I was. Thankfully I had Aiden, he was the only remainder. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve probably gone insane by now.

I wonder why his mom wanted me to leave. Perhaps she was fed up with a stranger staying in her house. I only hope that she doesn’t hate me; the last thing I need right now is to have someone hate me. (Besides my mother and supposed brother, who think I’m a thief.)

And Ariel.

Oh, my lovely Ariel. If the world gathers half of the sadness in the world, it’d be stuffed inside of her. Seeing the person I’ve known for half of my life in a broken state is like shards of glass stuck in my heart. I want to help her; I want her to be okay. I’m not used to seeing her like this. I’d always known that she had depression as a child due to her parents’ divorce, but I never saw her in this state.

The sole person who understands is Aiden. He is the closest thing I have to a friend; he stands by my side even if he’s known me for the shortest amount of time. The kindness and good will of that boy had blown my mind away; he took me in and took care of me. He believed me and never once doubted what I said. The personality he has is unimaginably noble and pure; I find it hard to believe that he’s romantically alone.

(And plus, he’s handsome in a down-to-earth way.)

I look up to the dark sky and begin to cry. “Please, God. Please let me out of this. I’ll be a better person. I don’t know if this is some kind of a lesson, but I’ve learnt from it. Please, I want this to be a nightmare. I’ll be better, I promise.”

My thoughts swirl through everything like a storm. My body weakens; the wind gets to my bones. I stretch my body out on the bench; feeling the thin wood planks press into it. I put my arm underneath my head and try to take pleasure from sleep.

Maybe when I wake up; I’ll realize this is nothing but a nightmare.

“This is nothing but a nightmare,” I repeat the same words I’ve been saying before going to sleep everyday for the past week; “I’m going to wake up and it’ll be over.”

-

My body is sinking in a couch; which felt like I slept on a cloud. My toes are warm. Moving my fingers, I no longer lacked comfort. I open my eyes and am greeted by Emmeline; the woman who is the cause to all of my misery.