The Wolf Pack

Chapter 25

The last few days before a large-scale attack were always the shortest. Everyone on board was busy with last minute preparations and tension was always running high. It was hard not to get anxious with the amount of nervousness going around, especially for a force sensitive. It was times like these that I envied the calm my masters were capable of. We were all having fitful, restless nights, I knew it, but even then, Master Kenobi seemed always composed, put together and ready for anything. To be able to hold everyone together by simply being there, solid, reassuring. I admired Master Kenobi for it, because, right then, it seemed like the only thing keeping the 212th in one piece was his composure.

Not that the entire battalion was running around like headless chickens, they were professional, trained soldiers; but the anticipation before a battle brought to light a lot of their coping mechanisms for their anxiety, and some were very obvious about it. Most of them checked the integrity of their armour multiple times a day, others polished their blasters so much they looked like they were freshly manufactured; some called the person they had been seeing while off duty just in case, and others exercised religiously before sleep so that they could actually rest every night. Master Kenobi told me he meditated three times a day, when he woke up, right after lunch and before sleep. I figured that was the secret to his success. As for me, I meditated as well, but I also made sure to call the Pack and Master Plo every night before lights off.

Master Plo had known me long enough to realize I was getting attached to the people around me, he warned me about the possible consequences of that, but he never chastised me for it. Losing them -and some of them I would lose- would be one of the most if not the most painful experience of my life. I knew that, I told him, but shying away from connections for fear of what might happen seemed cowardly to me. He understood, but made it very clear that I would be the only one to blame for the repercussions of my actions. Still, even after he had made his opinion on the matter clear, he continued to listen to my worries and answer my questions. He was patient like that. Master Plo was what every Jedi Master should be, and I was incredibly lucky to have him. He was a father figure, true, but I wouldn't go as far as to compare him to A'Koba. Master Plo was family, a teacher, a guide, and I was as attached to him as I was to the clones, to Ahsoka, and to Master Kenobi.

I had a lot to lose.

...

When I was still in the Jedi Temple, training to be a Padawan, I learned to manage my anxiety by forcing myself to be present in the moment. To do each action with awareness and purpose, to focus my mind on what I was doing and why, and to perform all of it as carefully and meticulously as possible. That habit had followed me onto the battlefield.

I woke the day of the invasion to the sound of my alarm, blinking the sleep from my eyes and rubbing them a little before sitting on my bunk bed. I took a deep breath in and sighed out any trepidation I might have had for the day. I washed my face and brushed my teeth in the refresher before re-braiding the longer strands of hair on the back of my head that hadn't been cut when I became a Padawan. My pale face was a stark contrast against my short black hair, which made it look almost sickly in the fluorescent light of the refresher, but I knew the shadows underneath my eyes were no trick of the light.

I walked back into my quarters and took a moment to look at my new robes. I had been forced to get new ones after Master Kenobi had pointed out how worn out my previous ones had been. Jedi always needed to look their best, it was good for morale, he said. This new set had three layers: the bottom one was the very same deep maroon Master Plo wore, the middle layer was the sandy color of Tusken traditional wear, and the last one was cream, like Master Kenobi's. They were all tied together by my gray utility belt. Next to them there was the armour the 212th had given me, almost new, with only few scratches here and there. I knew more would be added by the end of the mission.