The Long Road

2

Loki retreats to his chambers and huddles under the blankets, shuddering. He reaches for a book on his nightstand, but puts it back when he is unable to keep the pages from shaking. He turns over and tries to fall asleep, hoping to forget he likely has lost at least two of his few friends.

He drifts in and out sleep, every sound rousing him. The few dreams he has are no help and he does not feel rested when he takes supper alone. After, he falls into disturbed sleep.

Late that night, he wakes. His dreams have all been of monsters. He wavers, wondering if this is worth waking his mother over. He decides that it is and slips silently into the hallway, his bare feet padding softly on the cold stone floors. He knocks on the door of her drawing room. He knocks again, but no answer. With a sigh, he creeps back to his own bed and cries himself to sleep.

He does not wake until after noon and he seeks his mother once again. As he raises his hand to knock at the door of her drawing room, he hears someone shouting on the other side.

"-do not care if he was our son, he has committed treason!"

His heart sinks as he realizes it is his father; she replies, "Odin! How dare you say he is no longer our son!"

"And what would you propose I do? Nothing? He let them in without Heimdall seeing- should we simply wait until he does it again, but makes sure he can have me killed?"

"He was not trying to have you killed. He tried to do what you could not."

"What he was attempting has little bearing on what he actually did. I should have foreseen this would happen. Expecting to raise the treachery out of him was foolish of me. He is of Jotunheim, he will always act as they do. Lying, scheming, and deceiving. It is their way. I should have left him there to die."

Frigga does not respond immediately and Loki cannot decide if she is horrified or sadly agreeing with her husband. He is frozen in place, hoping he will have an answer soon.

"I cannot believe you would say such a thing, after all these years loving him as our own child."

"Love him or no, what he did shows that he does not love us as he should. I will send him back to his own kind. Perhaps he will be a better fit with his family there."

There are footsteps toward the door, but Loki still cannot command his feet. Odin stops when she speaks.

"He fits with his family here."

"This conversation is over."

"If you do this, I will no longer let you claim me as your wife."

Again, silence, but this one shorter and when he replies, he is angry, "You would reject your husband?"

"If my husband steals my son from me, I will have no husband."

"We will discuss this later."

But Frigga is not finished, "We will not. I have raised him these centuries as my own, disregarding his place of birth. You cannot now force me to throw him away because of it. I will not forgive you this."

"So be it."

Loki bolts from the door and hides in a doorway down a nearby hall. He waits until he sees the king pass before fleeing. He does not know where he is going and he does not care. He keeps moving until he sees the statue of his grandmother near the rose courtyard. Dropping to the ground, he tucks himself between her skirts and the wall.

His breathing is ragged, barely controlled panic, when someone kneels and places a hand on his shoulder, "Come. We will talk someplace more comfortable."

His eyes meet Volstagg's and he shrinks back into the stone, "No. I do not want to go where he might find me."

"Who?"

"My fath...," he cannot finish the word.

"Oh? Did he decide on a punishment?"

"I think yes, though he has not told me."

"Then how do you know it will be terrible?"

"Because I heard him arguing with Mother about it."

"Ah. Then he has not made it final."

"I am certain he has. Please, leave me alone."

"I will pour you good mead. Or make tea, whichever you prefer."

"No! I do not want him to send me there- I cannot be found!"

Volstagg is very concerned, "Send you where?"

Loki whispers, "Jotunheim. He wants to send me back to Jotunheim."

"Your mother will never let that happen."

"He needs permission from no one."

"All men would do well to fear separating their wives from the children."

"He will not. He will not. He will not."

Volstagg sighs, "I will bring something to warm you. Do not disappear."

Loki does not know why he stays, but he waits, wedging himself closer to the wall every time someone passes. Volstagg brings hot tea, one for each of them, and sits. They sip the tea without speaking. When they finish, Loki thanks him. Volstagg does not like the look in his eyes- broken and resigned. He returns the teacups to the kitchens and then goes to alert Thor that he needs to keep a close eye on his little brother.

That night, Loki is roused from his bed by the sound of hushed voices. He sits up and sees lanterns near the door casting light on familiar faces.

"He has asked you to take me away, hasn't he?"

The others hush while Hogun answers, "Yes."

"May I bring anything with me?"

"Your winter cloak and a satchel."

He looks around his room, his heart sinking, and slips out of bed.

"No weapons."

Loki carefully folds two changes of clothes into his bag and slips a book between them. There is barely space for his writing kit and a small stuffed creature he loved all through his childhood beside the six pairs of extra socks. He reaches for his armour, but Hogun stops him with a word. Instead he changes into warmer clothes, thick woolen trousers and a long sweater tunic knit by his mother. With his winter cloak, boots, and mittens, he allows Hogun, Sif, and Fandral to escort him through the darkened halls.

Heimdall opens the gate, "Good luck. Do not attempt to hide yourself from me. Should you do so, the All-Father has promised to come to Jotunheim."

Loki says nothing, but steps out onto the bridge. He soon feels the cold on his face. He does not know where he is. The dark is nearly absolute. He stumbles forward, not even certain if he is on a path or heading toward any sort of civilisation. The snow coats his lashes, the wind stings his face. He loses feeling in his hands first, then his feet. He drops to the ground and curls in on himself, praying that he will either freeze to death quickly or that Heimdall will intervene, unwilling to let him die.

Rescue does not come before he loses consciousness.