BETWEEN REVENGE AND LOVE

02

Friday, 14/07/1995

Astoria.

I know, I promised not to write to you. And I'm not breaking that promise, right?

It's not like you'll ever read this anyway. This'll stay in my drawer 'till it turns to dust and longer.

It's... It's just, without you, it doesn't feel right. Anything.

Waking up in the morning, going to bed in the evening. Feeling things, physically and mentally. Living. It does not feel right.

I don't know what I expected it to be like after you. Perhaps I didn't expect anything to happen anymore. Perhaps I expected it all to end, which it did.

In the first place, we ended. My life, too, the fun parts of it.

My passion; for anything; for love; for you.

My dedication, my commitment.

I ended. Right there and then, when you touched that portkey and disappeared out of my sight. As you vanished without a trace. Without something for me to hold on to.

And now I wonder if I need you more than you wanted to leave. That your pain maybe wouldn't have been as great if you'd stayed, as mine is now that you left. Because my pain is certainly indescribable. Shattering. But that is such a stupid thing to think. Such a vile thing.

Maybe, only maybe, you'll need me too. Some day. It's not that I'd dare stop loving you. Not as if I could choose to stop.

I love you and I will love you. Whatever may come. Whether you're gone or by my side.

I will love you, always.

There could be better days ahead. We just don't know yet.