Thoughts After Dusk

I love you but I don't want to.

You know that moment when you've waited for something for the longest time, craved it, ached for it, writhed for it.

That's how I felt for you, for as long as I can remember, I've ached for your love, craved your touch, burned for your time.

Maybe, I cried for your touch with all my being for too long, but one day I woke and I no longer felt the need for your attention, in any capacity, your laughter was no longer haunting my nights, your words were no longer etched into my mind. Your name no longer haunting my thoughts

Time really does work wonders on love.

At least, right now, as I am downing drinks, my mind muddled and transfixed on the false pretense that love and happiness do exist, has become a hallmark for some and an illness for others.

I know what you're going to think; I'm a pessimist. Well, you know they say, 'If the shoe fits.'

I've seen in its purest form, it reminds me of the poltergeist from IT, it causes, you to doubt everything you, once thought was the holy grail of truth. I am not saying people shouldn't love or that the concept is to be afraid of, more so something that doesn't exist.

It'd be the purest form of a lie if I said I should've never spoken to you. I don't regret speaking to you, hell I don't regret anything that involved you or caused you to be a part of my life. I regret that I felt more for you, I overcare, call it a symptom of my personality or disease but I dislike that I  over empathize with people.

I'd rather be closed off and screwed up, not that I am not already, I am the self-proclaimed definition of an introvert, with suitcases of issues but when I let people in, I let them in whole-heartedly. I'm a sucker for all-in or nothing, no in-between. I either give a shit about you or I don't give a fuck.