Who Will Fix Me Now?

Reactions: Part 1. Acceptance

Some, some don't understand. How could they? How could they when they have never experienced such emotional turmoil? When their skin has never been pierced by the harsh slash of insults. Their hearts sit within their ribcage, intact and untouched by the barbaric and merciless world. They have never had the wind knocked out of them so often their lungs have forgotten how much it likes the taste of air. These people are the personification of normal, the closest you will find to normalcy. They are socially acceptable and respectable, whereas we are the outcasts. We walk in the shadows because there we arent judged. We dont face the prejudices and snide comments from the herd of sheep blindly following the media's perception of normal in an attempt to avoid the cruelty that they then dish out. The way I see it, there are 2 ways these people can attempt to fathom this foreign concept of depression.

They can react positively. They can attempt to understand. This has happened in my experience. Confessing to my friend that I harm myself because I don't feel good enough, that I have suicidal thoughts daily because I think I'm not important was one of the most daunting and terrifying experiences I have ever had during my short life. Yet she, unlike many in this world, she tried. She attempted to save me whilst I was adrift in the ocean of despair. She was the life jacket that kept me afloat. This person could never grasp why I would think that. She's very blunt and upfront with her opinions. Her exact words when she found out were "That's stupid. You're better than that" and she's right, I am. That isn't exactly the best thing to say when someone has revealed a dark part of themselves they desperately surpress in fear of being percieved as more of a freak. Yet, it helped. Having known her so long and been so comfortable with her brashness I knew what she meant. She thought better of me because she sees me. She sees me as a human being that is intelligent, kind and beautiful. She sees me as her friend, not the warped image of myself that I have in my mind. She doesnt understand why I wouldn't see what she sees because that is what she knows to be fact. So when people don't understand why you are this way, they aren't belittling you or being disappointed, theyre infact telling you they think so highly of you they cannot even comprehend how your self esteem has plummeted off a mountain on a downward spiral. They cannot comprehend the self hate and loathing you have bottled up inside or the relief a knife provides. They can only understand the love they have for you. However because of her perspective on this she can also never understand how she helped. Having a friend know nothing about such a subject yet unconditionally support you and offer an ear during a time of need is truly amazing. She has broadened her horizons and opened her mind to attempt to see things from my persepctive because all she wants is to help. She will never understand how thankful I am for that and for her.