Who Will Fix Me Now?

Chapter 4: Depression

Some people don't understand depression. Don't understand why you're sad. Why darkness creeps with no reason. Why you're drowning yet nothing is holding you down. But there is something holding you down. Your doubt, your self hate, your constant thoughts of not being enough. It yanks upon your heart that you've put away safe in a casket and it pulls it out. Removes it from its safe place and tears at the tatters that remain. When you ask me if i'm afraid to die the answer is plain. No. I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid to live. I live and suffer through depression. I'm a party that depression felt obligated to bring its friend anxiety to. Im a party i dont want to attend. So I try and be better. If I don't want to attend the party, why would anyone else? I try and become a normal person. But what is normal? An illusion that people use to make their   fellow beings feel inferior, to make them strive to be more. To make us relinquish our true selves. They ask us what we want to be then tell us what we can't be. They try and define us, expect us to conform to ludicrous rules and regulations laid out to made the weak, weaker. To make the strong, stronger. We will inevitably fall yet we get up each time and hope maybe next time will be a little softer, will hurt a little less. You try and heal yourself and maybe this time you can feel okay without putting your heart in a casket. Just maybe you could have normalcy in your life. Abandoned and condemned by society we must reject the stereotypes and expectations they force upon us. We must reject the unattainable goals that they have decided are what we must aim for and we must decide what we want. Because in the end its us that lives the life. Or if you dont take control, its us that has to suffer it.