shades of yellow » han seojun ff

44. dark

HER NIGHTMARES STARTED OFF relatively mellow. Her first was the memory of Seyeon telling her that he was going to be in the next debut lineup. She had barely been able to contain her glee and as he told her over the phone, she was already planning a party in her mind's eye.

"Will your manager let you come home for a few hours? There's enough time for me to run to the bakery and get you a cake—"

"Actually, I'm having a small celebration with Seojun and Suho."

Her mood immediately dropped. "Ah. I see."

Unfortunately, Seyeon realised his mistake a little too late. "Wait sis, you can come and join us! We don't mind."

Ouch. "That's fine. Go have fun with your friends." As much as she tried to, she could not stop herself from sounding so bitter.

Luckily, he made it up to her with two tickets to Lotte World. However, things changed when he debuted. They didn't fight, but there was distance between them. He was constantly practicing and performing, living away from home in the group dorm. He had no time for her, as she was constantly reminded of whenever she watched his show broadcasts and reality shows.

Those last few months of his life were lonely for the two of them.

—

"Seyeon?" Yeonwoo's voice was a hoarse whisper, as she desperately tried to ensure her voice wouldn't carry over to her parents' bedroom where they were fast asleep. 

Little did they know, it would be the last night of peaceful sleep they'd be having for a long time.

"Seyeon, I keep getting your voicemail. I know you're ignoring me, but I've seen the news already." Yeonwoo's shaky fingers scrolled down the news article on her laptop.

IDOL JEONG SEYEON UNDER FIRE FOR BULLYING ALLEGATIONS

"We both know this isn't true, so please answer me so that I know you're alright," Yeonwoo's voice broke down into a sob. "Come back home, so I know you're okay. Seyeon, where are you?"

There was a timid tapping on her bedroom window. Yeonwoo jumped out of her chair and bounded towards the window. Hanging by the side of the roof was Seyeon, hair and face hidden under a mask and cap.

As she unlatched the window and pulled him in, she scolded him, "Don't do that ever again! You could fall."

She waited for a response. He just stared at her, his eyes hollow and lifeless. And without warning, he crashed into her, hugging her and crying quietly like the little boy he was.

"Noona, noona."

"Oh, Seyeonnie." She was so close to crying, but dug her nails into her palm to prevent herself from breaking down as well. She needed to be the strong older sister she was at this moment.

"I'm so scared. I'm so scared. They keep on—asking me questions and yelling at me—and those comments," he sobbed.

"Seyeon, listen to me. You don't ever go back to that life, alright?" She wiped his tears and stroked his hair, vowing to kill everyone who hurt her twin. "You'll stay here with me and mum and dad. Never again, you understand?"

It was as if he hadn't heard her, because he just said numbly, "They hate me. Everyone does. I can't take it, they keep on cursing me and you and everyone I love."

Her heart felt like a stone within her chest. "We're going to fix this, okay? Now, I'll go make you some hot milk, how does that sound? And we can have a sleepover and watch movies like when we were little, you know?"

Seyeon looked up, as if seeing her for the first time. To Yeonwoo's shock, he said, "I'm sorry for abandoning you for the past few months, Yeonwoo. You're the only one who matters to me, and I'm so sorry."

Her heart splintered into a million tiny pieces. "Hey, hey, it's okay! We're going to get through this."

"Do you forgive me?"

Yeonwoo's eyes shone with tears. "Of course I do. You're my brother, my best friend. I'd forgive anything you'd do."

"You'd forgive anything I'd do?"

"That's right." Something strange was stirring in Yeonwoo's stomach, and she was afraid of what he was implying.

"Alright." He was silent for a moment. "First, I need to do something. I need to go explain everything to Seojun and Suho."

This would be another thing she'd regret for the rest of her life. A crossroad, two-choice question, in which she'd spend every second of every waking moment wondering if she had chosen wrong. Would choosing the alternative have stopped the whole mess, or just delayed it?

"No, Seyeon don't go!" She whispered as he turned to leave through her window. She weakly held at the edge of her sleeve, already knowing that she wouldn't be able to dissuade her brother, who was as stubborn as her.

He smiled sadly at her. "I love you, Yeonwoo-ah. And I'm so sorry, I am so sorry."

"Please don't go."

"I need to make sure that they at least believe me. I'll be back soon." And he left.

She spent the rest of the night scrolling through the news articles and biting her nails.

But then came the phone call. The quick motions of waking her parents, getting into their car and driving to the building. The sirens, so loud, his broken body lying upon the stretcher, the blood. The fact that he had thrown himself off the building, thinking he was all alone in the world.

Now, she was.

—

Yeonwoo woke up gasping for air, part of her still scarily stuck within the memory of that awful day. Once she had calmed herself, she turned towards the clock; it was three in the morning.

She dug through her schoolbag to find her pencil case. She took out a pair of scissors, which glinted silver under the weak slivers of moonlight which had managed to enter her bedroom.

In a daze, she walked into her bathroom and switched on the light. Smiling sleepily at herself, she raised the scissors to her hair, and started snipping.