Daughter of the Moon - Book Three: Fire

Chapter 17: A Difficult Task

- Zuko -

After I had joined Aang and his team to help them prepare to defeat my father, the only two things I felt were the relief that the Avatar was willing to accept me as his teacher, and the guilt I carried for allowing Elara to live through the worst nightmare imaginable. I had tried to make things better, but nothing I did worked, and that only made the shame worse—so much so that it physically ached.

The only thing that really took my mind off of Elara were my thoughts of Uncle. He had always been patient with me. He never gave up on me or abandoned me, even when I was far more than a lost cause. And I repaid him by stabbing him in the back. But he was free now, and I knew he was doing far better than Elara—but that didn't mean I missed him any less. The only time I really felt close to him was when I made tea, and even though I was not as skilled as he was, it was comforting to return to the same habits that I had in Ba-Sing-Se, and it was even more comforting to share my work with my friends (if I could even call them that).

"No one can make tea like Uncle, but hopefully I learned a thing or two," I commented nervously as I passed a tray of the steamy drink around the fire, hoping that the tea would help keep this group warm against the bitter cold of night. Elara had once told me that the best way to win over a crowd was to give them food, and I was hoping that that sentiment would still apply to this situation (no matter how awkward it was). But it wasn't just the food that would get them to trust me. There was one more part to that equation. "Would you like to hear Uncle's favorite tea joke?" I continued.

The group reacted rather positively to my proposition (much to my surprise), but I was disappointed to see that Elara didn't even seem to care that I was talking (which was fair given that she had every right to hate me). She only shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Sokka's arm, which was draped casually over her shoulders. However, I was hoping I could get that to change. Uncle's favorite tea joke was her favorite tea joke too, after all, so perhaps sharing it with the group could change that stony expression that seemed to be glued to her face (even if I couldn't remember the entire thing).

"Okay," I began as I knelt down beside Haru and The Duke to serve them tea. "Well, I can't remember how it starts, but the punch line is, Leaf me alone! I'm bushed!"

I was met with blank stares as silence filled the temple, and I instinctively looked to Elara as if I expected her to tell the joke in its entirety. Deep down I knew she was just going to look away with a scowl on her face, but a part of me somehow hoped that the joke might trigger some kind of positive reaction (and I really couldn't remember the rest of it).

"Well," I croaked nervously as I glanced around at the rest of the group. "It's funnier when Uncle tells it..."

"Right. Maybe that's because he remembers the whole thing," Katara teased as she accepted a cup of her own.

The rest of the group chuckled at Katara's snarky remark, and I could feel a slight grin creeping it's way onto my face. However, I was quickly distracted by how Elara didn't seem to laugh along with her friends. She didn't even crack a smile. And it hurt me to see her like that.

Pleasant chatter erupted amongst the kids as I continued my rounds, finally making my way to Sokka and Elara with the last couple cups. I carefully offered the tea to them as I stooped myself down to their level (perhaps even lower purely out of respect to Elara), breathing a sigh of relief as Sokka accepted the drink without a second thought. Elara, on the other hand, just glared at the platter before releasing a disgusted scoff, forcing her way out of Sokka's embrace and storming away without looking back once.

I had initially thought that I could accept the fact that Elara would be mad at me, but as time stretched on, I was beginning to grow tired of it. I didn't want her to be mad anymore, and even though I knew I had no right to want such a thing, I still wanted her. I still loved her, even after everything I had done to kill the feeling, and I wanted her just to look at me the way she used to. It was selfish, I know, but I ached to just hold her and comfort her again.