While he was sleeping | l.s.

January 20th | "The music isn't loud enough"

January 20th

rain

I don't know how to start again, its been a few days... I am feeling numb. I just got back from a meeting with the management. And i am feeling numb.

Currently sitting on my bed watching some television and looking out of the window (its raining) to get my mind of all of this. Harry is sitting in another room calling with his mom...

So the meeting... When we got the invite for the meeting it was just as every other day, we got a call, and both me and Harry got ready to go. After the call of invite we got a weird strange feeling because they didn't talk ab the other boys being there. They were only talking ab Harry and me. But we got ready and quickly arrived at the location. It was a little office building close by, so it was a quick drive.

When we arrived our expectations where right, we where the only ones there. We where both in disbelieve and scared to go in, because we kind off knew what it was going to be about. But we gave each other an encouraging look and took a deep breath.

We stepped inside the building and we are offered some tea (as usual) They directed us to the chairs we had to sit on, and sat in quiet for a view minutes. After those brief seconds the first people entered the room. I was surprised ab how many people where there, and all those people i knew from faces but never really talked too. These where people that did our social media and gave us an interview training in the first week we became a band. Simon was there, and two bodyguards i had never seen before and our manager.

When to room was filled, they started talking. They had a whole presentation an a big screen playing. And they all looked us, they looked at me and Harry straight in the eyes while showing pictures of us being close with each other. They were yelling and arguing with each other while Harry and i both were just sitting there.  They were talking ab the fans and the rumors that were going around at that time. I looked at harry but his eyes, they were aimed to the ground. I tried to make contact with him tapping with my shoes In the hopes he would look up and i could reassure him, that it was going to be okay.

But he didn't notice. (Well maybe he did, but just didn't feel like reacting to it) After a while of just sitting there and trying to push back my tears, they let us speak...

When Harry opened his mouth to speak he made eye contact and nodded with his head ones. He was trying to tell me something. He was trying to make me feel save and tried to cover for me. He detected the tear that was in my left eye. He then again nodded with his head ones and tapped his shoe against my own. His eyes gleaming from upcoming tears and the poorly led lights pointing on us. He had tears too? so maybe it hurts him too? i thought he didn't felt something for all of this...

When he finally got something out of his throat it were a few words...

"it wasn't our plan to make it seem like we had something going on between us, I will try to keep more distance when we are in public."

the manager quickly responded with: "If not, we are going to consider or replace the positions you are both in right now"

I knew they couldn't do that but when he said it. I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. they were already gliding down my face.

"do you want to say something ab it too?" our manager says, while pointing at me with his pointing finger.

"um no sir, i think Harry made it very clear. We are going to get our distance and trying to stop the rumors"

Where Harry said: "yes in public places, we are"

I turned my head face his way and he gave me a little smile under his tears gliding down his cheeks.

After the whole meeting, We raced to the car and drove away as fast as possible.

The tears were rising up again, Harry turned up the volume of the car radio. And started to slow down after we where away from the street the office was located in. He took another turn and drove the wrong direction. He winked and the song 'Someone Like You' from Adele started playing. When the lyric "Don't forget me, i beg" were being said, Harry looked at me and he repeated the sentence:

"don't ever forget me, Okay Louis?" he said crushed

"Harry are you crying?" i said as a response

but he stayed silent for a moment, when the song ended he turned the volume down again.

"what happens when the music isn't loud enough to block it all?"

he said, He moved his right hand off the steering wheel and placed it on mine. The one hand that was placed on my tight. He captured my hand and compressed it tight. It made me feel save, and i forgot all the pain for a moment.

He finally made the good turn on the freeway and we were driving home. I now realize that he only did that to make the drive a bit longer. Just to escape for a bit longer.

I didn't say anything on our way back to the house.

When we got home we both separated our ways, to get things from out heads.

And now we are here, we are here in the beginning from the story. Me sitting on my bed in one room and Harry in another. I can hear the things Harry says to his mum and he still sounds upset. His Mum asked ab how I was doing, so i did a quick wave before he left the room again.

I don't really know what to do next. But i think it will be good to have a quick call with Zayn so i can explain what just happened. Maybe he can give me some advise. It would be the easiest because Zayn is the only one that know more about us, Me and Harry... and he seems fine with all of this. I don't even know if i can say US... because Me and Harry are still just friends. But you know what i mean! yea i think i will do that... Yes i am. ill write a bit later.

...

(4 hours later) I'm back, to close it all off for today. After all that sh*t in the morning (can i swear on this? who cares I'm the one writing and controlling this all) i called Zayn and he was pretty chill about the whole situation, it made me calm too. After that call he called Harry and gave him a good speech ab the whole thing too. Harry was pretty relieved after the call too. We watched some f.r.i.e.n.d.s and Harry is now cooking some pasta in the kitchen, while I'm watching him on my favorite chair. I hope tomorrow will be a better day!

lots of luv, me