The Snake of Wall Street | Theodore Nott

CHAPTER 31 : IVORY

My lilies started growing, that's what I did everyday, sat by my little garden and watered my plants. By myself.

After that night with Theo he's hardly ever here, he doesn't have a job so I think he just doesn't want to be around me.

But today when I saw him I cornered him "Can I ask for a favor?"

He looked up from his newspaper "Go on"

"Could you put up a shield around the garden I don't want the flowers to die, especially mine" I leaned on the table

"I could get you your own wand" He suggested

Just the thought of holding one or even a simple charm made me feel sick "Can you just put up the charm, please"

He stood up "Its only mid September but sure" he walked out to the gardens, I hated how we spoke like strangers. The was the man who threw blankets over my barbed wire

"Would you like to see the flowers I planted?"

"It's your garden Ivory, you can call it that"

"Would you like to see my garden?" I corrected

He nodded and we walked around the pathway until we reached my small corner "It's not much but they're starting to grow" they weren't even flowers yet

He pointed up and I looked up at the manor

"That's my window Ivory, I've watched you everyday" 

"That's frightening to think about, especially how much I cry out here" I laughed

"I think you look beautiful when you're gardening"

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, I very slowly reached out for his hand. He flinched when I first touched it

"Don't Ivory" He walked away from me.

I shouldn't try to drag down Theo with me. I wasn't even broken. I was shattered. Unable to put the pieces back together

He wasn't around for another two weeks. I wondered sometimes what he was doing. I would sometimes look up at the window and just wave. I couldn't see him but if he was there i'd like him to think I was saying hi.

November came and he bought me thicker coats and gloves anything I would need he thought about and provided for me.

I've gotten into somewhat of a schedule, everyday I wake up, shower, make breakfast with Pax, go check on my garden, read under the gazebo, eat dinner, bathe. And all by myself. I hardly ever see Theo

But being by myself makes me feel like i'm actually coping with everything, makes me feel like i'm getting better.

Today i'm reading Theo's favorite novel "Pride and prejudice" he has so many notes, anything Elizabeth Bennet says something he wrote 'Ivory' next to it followed by a small little heart

Sometimes I would run as well, kept my mind off of things. Theo even bought me coloring books. I was mad that he thought of me like a child but it was very therapeutic

"Christmas is next Thursday, would you want to go home to your family?" He sat down next to me under the gazebo

He was offering to take me home? He can't even look me in the eyes. But I didn't want to leave and I loved my life too much here to leave.

"No i'm okay, I could start paying rent if you'd like"

"You will never pay for anything, I appreciate you asking"

"My flowers are starting to bloom"

"I saw, they look beautiful"

It was silent for awhile and I thought he'd go back inside but since he didn't I decided to have a conversation with him

"Where do you go? It's been months and I hardly see you"

His eyes scanned my face and he looked as if he were holding something back from me "I met someone"

I felt as if someone had grabbed a blade and stabbed me right in the chest. Not someone, myself.

I hid my expression, like I always have "Oh, well that's good to hear"

Is this why he was offering to take me home? Did he want me gone? I can't even blame him. I wouldn't want me either.

Not the way that I push people away, i'm mean, cold and he deserves better. What a fool am I for letting myself hope

He cleared his throat "She knows about you, that you live here"

I wish I never fucking asked. "I can leave, no sweat off of my back"

He scanned my face again "She doesn't mind, she actually wanted to meet you"

I felt my hands slightly shake. I hate how selfish I am. He witnessed me get engaged and he just wanted me to be happy. But no I wanted him all to myself. Selfish.

"Theo, I think i'm just going to pack my things"

He grabbed my hand "Stay"

I get deja vu of when he came back and begged for me to go back, go back and love him. I could see the exact place I made a mistake. And I was going to repeat it

I kissed his cheek "Goodbye Theo" I grabbed my hand back and walked up the stairs.

Home. In the last six months this place started to feel like home. Maybe because I was around him. But I was no longer welcomed here.

Pax helped me back, he promised to aparate me to a bank. I had money. I would buy my plane ticket and go back to America.

I won't marry Jacob. But i'll marry someone else and quickly. I could be a housewife, I no longer had dreams and ambitions.

He was my one dream.

I shut my eyes and allowed the tears to roll down as I packed a small bag. I walked down the stairs taking in everything, this would be my last time stepping foot here, and seeing Theo. I wanted to remember everything even the way the light poured in.

He stood by the door. Walking away. Seems like i'm always doing this.

"Again, you don't have to leave Ivory"

"Go be happy Theo, you don't have to worry about me anymore" I let my hand grab his shoulder. Not even a hug

I grabbed Pax's hand and left. In less the six hours I was going back to the place where being a Livingston gave me worth.