The Snake of Wall Street | Theodore Nott

CHAPTER 10: IVORY

I feel most scared when I feel lost. That's how I felt that day lost and small. Looking at him it was as if I didn't know who he was. Lost.

I'm just glad Pansy is back, I told her everything, I had to talk about it with someone. I begged her not to be mad at him.

When we eat together I don't look at him, or else I won't be able to finish my meal. Somehow I still feel lonely.

"So big party for your birthday?" Roman asked

I almost forgot that was coming up "I think I might just ask my father to come to hogsmeade and spend the day with me"

"Aww a cute little daddy's girls" Blaise laughed

I felt a smile form, first time in awhile. "He won't come, he's busy at the ministry" I tried at act as if it didn't hurt my feelings. Livingston's never show their emotions in public

"We can always get drunk in your room" Draco suggested, he's always drunk or high nowadays and I know why and I understand

"With the war going on doesn't seem like a time to celebrate anything" I answered, I wasn't blind to the war, I read the daily prophet, all those dead people, the missing ones.

I caught Theo's eye and looked away quickly, not yet. When i'm ready to talk to him I will, i'm an incredibly sensitive person and I can't stand it when people yell at me.

Miles doesn't yell at me, he's actually very sweet it might be all fake but it still feel nice. He calls me pretty and kisses my cheek I can't feel anything towards him and I hate myself for it.

It was around two a.m and I was still up, I had bought a stand for a large canvas and I was standing in front of it painting. It was the meadow by my old house, I miss it dearly, so I painted it. Pansy is  knocked out already. I should be sleeping too

Most of January that's all I did. I sat by that canvas painting, Roman would sit sometimes and ask me loads of questions about America. Draco would stand next to me as I painted and just quietly observe. Once Blaise brought Luna to draw with me, I liked that day.

Staying up this late resulted in me going to the kitchens late at night, I keep forcing myself to try to like tea. I just can't.

I walked through the common room bricks right as someone was entering knocking me over

"My bad" I blurted not even looking up, I didn't need to I felt him grab my arm

I slowly met his eyes, maybe now I could be ready to talk to him

"What are you doing up at this hour?" I asked

"Could ask you the same"

Fuck I missed his voice. "Yeah but you're not going to because it's none of your business" I snapped

"Then what i'm doing clearly isn't any of yours either" Why did I think he would be nicer to me?

"You're right, you know what I don't care" I tried to move around him but he stepped in my way again "Get out of my way Nott"

"I miss you Livingston"

My heart dropped and I felt a lump in my throat

"That's good for you" I tried to now step to the left but he stopped me again

"Ive tried to apologize and you wouldn't let me and that's fine but I'm here now and I have to tell you that there hasn't been a day since I met you on that fucking train where I don't think of you"

Oh? I met his eyes of how i've missed those blue eyes.

"Maybe that's why I hate you, because I think of you so often, you're all I think about and I hate it"

I softly grabbed his hand, I missed him too. Maybe i'll tell him one day

"I'm sorry" He pulled my hair behind my ear and pulled me close to his chest I could feel his heart beating fast and his arms wrap around me

"I'm going to go get a chocolate chip cookie and milk" I stepped away from him, I didn't even look back at him "You can come if you'd like"

He followed walking next to me, we didn't talk just walked into the kitchens, the elves remembered me and had the cookies already ready

"Here you go Dobby" he's the only one who would accept money from me

"Miss five galleons is too much for dobby" He tried to hand it back

"Here Dobby buy yourself something nice" Theo pulled out twenty galleons

I swear I sat there listening to dobby cry for ten minutes after that

I turned to Theo bitting the cookie "You don't have to taunt him"

He cut the cookie with his fingers and ate a chunk smiling "I wasn't taunting, I just gave him my months allowance"

"I don't have an allowance, father gives me a certain amount and it's up to me to divide it evenly"

"I heard your cousins went to Yale what does that mean?"

I couldn't help but smile "It's an IVY league school, big deal back in America, but my cousins bought their way in"

"Muggle school?"

"Yup" I started eating another cookie

"So what are you doing this time of the night?" He asked

"Painting"

He smiled "I sometimes forget you paint"

"Yeah me too, but once I get into it I can't stop"

"If you ever need a naked male to paint, I'll volunteer" 

I laughed slightly "I'll keep that in mind" fuck can he tell i'm blushing?

He looked down at his plate "Pretty sure Miles wouldn't like that, aren't you like together?"

"We kiss on my bed that's all"

He looked slightly relieved

"Sometimes more" I admitted he shot his head up to look at me

"Have you guys umm shagged?" He asked and I could see the hope in his eyes

"Yeah I just said we did"

His eyes looked away quickly as if he couldn't look at me

"We haven't had sex though he tries everytime" I admitted, felt a bit embarrassed

He looked up quickly "You just said you shagged"

"We did, shagging means kissing Pansy taught me that"

He started laughing "Love that means having sex, snogging is kissing"

Soon enough we both started laughing, he placed his hand on my knee as we laughed, I never had laughed this much

"I can't believe she let me believe that"

"I can see why, it's bloody hilarious"

Walking out of the kitchens it was still quiet, sometimes our conversations come easily other times not.

"Can I see your painting?" He asked

"Dont make fun of it" I finally let him back into my room for the first time in months

I lit my wand and uncovered the painting, he stood in silence and staring at it

"It's beautiful"

"It's the meadow, my favorite place on earth, whenever i'd go there I wasn't a Livingston, I wasn't heir to anything I was just a girl sitting at the meadow"

"I'd like you to take me there one day"

"I will Nott, I promise". I didn't even noticed I was holding his hand. And he was holding mine.