Why Me?

Chapter Four

Everywhere I looked I thought of Daddy, I kept my head down at school and acted like a bubbly teenaged waitress at the restraunt, but when I was home everything was different. I was silent, barely ever speaking until Zak would stop by and I would start to be happy again, but after he left I was lifeless.

One day while I was sitting at the table typing up a report for my AP English class, my mom walked in.

" Jessabelle...." She said sitting in a chair across the table.

"Yeah, Mom?" I asked not taking my eyes off the screen.

"Jessabelle, we need to talk." She said

"Sure, Mom, what do you wanna talk about?" I said as I shut the laptop and looked across the table towards her.

"Jessa, sweety, I think you need to get help..." She said calmly.

"What do you mean, Mom, I'm fine?" I said.

She sighed and shook her head slowly as she stood and began preparing a pot of tea.

"Jessa, sweety, you aren't okay. You're holding everything in, you're keeping secrets for me, sweety, you need help. I've set up an appointment with a psychiatrist at the hospital for tomorrow." She said as she mixed sugar and honey into a small cup of tea.

"Mom! I have school! I just started back and you expect me to stop going again!?" I nearly yelled as I stood up from the table.

"The school understands, Jessabelle, I've already talked to them about you leaving every Monday and Thursday during lunch for your sessions with Dr. Norton and returning in the study hall you have after lunch." She said.

"What about when the people at school find out about me going to a fucking psychiatrist! They already talk about me and treat me like I have a God damned disease or like I'm made of glass!" I screamed at her.

"Jessabelle Elizabeth, watch your mouth! You are going to see Dr. Norton tomorrow and you are going to stop complaining about it! Now, finish your homework and wash up for dinner." Mom yelled back.

I yanked my laptop off the table and ran to my room with tears streaming down my face. Sitting alone on my bed typing my report I let the tears flow freely down my face as I worked. Mom and I never fought, ever, with it being just us now I knew we couldn't keep blowing up at each other like that. I'd go to the stupid psychiatrist for her, if only to make her feel like she isn't going to lose me too.

The next day at school I went through my schedule like always and at lunch I left in James' classic '69 camaro, which he had painted to look like the General Lee off the Dukes of Hazard, and drove to the hospital and found Dr. Norton's office. I only waited for about five minutes before they called me back into the Dr.'s study.

"Hello, Jessabelle, how are you today." She asked in a sweet manner that seemed way too rehearsed.

"I'm wanting to be back at school. Next question?" I said icily

"Jessabelle, I only want to help you, now lets talk about the wreck, hmm?" She said with a smile.

I sighed quietly and thought, "It's for Mom, Jessa, it's for mom"

"We were going to the mall in Oakland, and the roads were icy," I started, my voice barely a whisper," We had the radio blaring, it was playing 11:11 by Austin Mahone. Jaylee and Dixie were singing along, off key, but still they sang their hearts out, Gabe was in the front talking about a football game with Daddy and James and Me were attempting to play Ninja strapped in our seatbelts, so we were failing pretty miserably."

"Out of nowhere, Daddy yelled and we started swerving on the road trying to avoid the cars speeding towards us. The wheels, they couldn't get any traction to turn and a car went head on with us, it killed them all instantly except Daddy and James. We had survived somehow, James was holding onto my hand so tightly as he gasped for breath. ' Sis, never give up, never, one day y-you'll be amazing, even more than you already are, I love you, lil sis.' he said on his last breath, his grip loosening as the life left his body."

"And Daddy, oh, Daddy. His hands were coated in blood as he reached back and grasped my hand even tighter than James had. 'Baby, never forget that I will always be with you.' he said, holding onto my hand with that feirce grip for at least five minutes before God stole him from me completely . I couldn't let go of his hand. I was so afraid and I was crying so hard, begging him to wake up."

"The fire men came and cut us out but I still wouldn't let go of Daddy. The salt from my tears were stinging in the tiny cuts I had on my face. One of the fire men pulled me away from him and I screamed, trying to get back to Daddy, leaving a large scratch on the man's face. They took me to the hospital and I was checked out by the doctors. I finally passed out from crying so hard and woke up again in the same hospital bed with Mom asleep beside me." I finished telling what happened, with tears staining my cheeks.

" Well, Jessabelle, that's all the time we have for today, I'll see you on Thursday and we'll talk about how this all made you feel ok?" She said.

"Whatever!" I called already walking out of the room.

I walked slowly back to my car and drove to McDonald's and picked up a small lunch and ate on the way back to school. In Study Hall I was stuck next to the same guy I had to sit by in first period, but today I kept catching him staring at me. This guy couldn't like someone like me, could he? I mean I almost always behaved and tried to never cause trouble, but he kept looking at me like he knew exactly how I felt and what I was going through. Did he have secrets too?