Finding Purpose

Chapter III

-Ann-

It felt weird not to have to hide myself anymore. I could be who I actually really was and not have to pretend to be someone entirely different. I would finally be able to be myself again and live my life to the fullest.

If only that was the truth.

Unfortunately, it's not.

I want to say how I enjoyed life at Camp Half Blood, and how I was finally a little happier after everything that had happened. The truth was, I had never felt more out of place. Everywhere I went I saw so many campers, knowing what they lived for, and what they wanted to do with their lives. They looked determined in everything they did, from fighting with electric spears to building the most incredible weapons and thinking of new battle strategies.
I just didn't have it in me. I sucked at sword fighting, so much I had figured out after a few more lessons, I had no knowledge of mechanics and none either about battle strategies.

So I had ended up at the point in my life to where I was asking myself why I was actually trying to fit into a place when I knew I would never belong here. I was sitting at the back of the Arena, watching the campers train in another one of their lessons, when someone came to sit next to me.
'You're not up to much,' Eve said.
I shook my head as I watched a camper going down. 'I've given up. No sword fighting for me anymore.'
'You really don't like it then?' he asked me.
'I don't like it. I hate it. Really, it's a passion. I feel like I suck so much at it, there isn't even a word for.'
Eve laughed at me. 'Oh, come on. There must be something your good at.' I raised my eyebrows at him.
'You're joking right? There's nothing I'm good at. Right now I'm even wondering why the Hell I'm still here. I was better of living on my own in some far away city where no one knew me.'
Immediately after I said that I closed my mouth shut. I had never said that to anyone in my life. I wasn't planning to either. What was happening to me?
Eve frowned. 'You really believe you're better off as an outcast? Trust me, I know what it's like to be one, and I can promise you it's not fun at all.'
I averted my eyes and looked at the battles again. 'I know what it's like to be an outcast too.'
Eve let out a humourless laugh. 'No you don't.'
This time I looked him straight in the eye. 'Actually I do.'
Eve shook his head and stood up, a fierce fire appearing in his eyes. 'Please, don't try to act like you understand, because I know you don't.'
I stood up too and matched the fury in his eyes. 'I don't have to act, because I know what it feels like. I know we haven't lived the same life, but I know what it's like to be ignored, and unheard, and alone. You may have been an outcast because you were blamed for everything that had happened, because you were related to him, but that doesn't mean I don't know what it feels like. I know what it's like to be on my own, to have no one to rely on and that there isn't a single person who's got your back.'
Eve jerked back, the fear visible in his eyes. 'How did you know about my uncle?'
'My brother told me about you.'
'Then why haven't you run yet? I guess you'll just be someone else who is going to blame me.'
A little smile made its way onto my face. 'Actually, I'm not. I've lived long enough on my own to know what it's like to be blamed for something that wasn't your fault, so no, blaming you is not something I'm going to do.'
Eve had to smile at that. 'I guess you’re the first saying that,' he said.
'I'm the first who's not blaming you?'
Eve shook his head. 'No, you're the second.'
I raised my eyebrows. 'Then who's the first?' I asked him a little surprised.
'That would be..'
'Eve!' someone suddenly said.
'Her,' Eve finished and grinned at the person approaching us.
'What are you up to?' Eve asked and I turned around to see who he was talking to.
I had to do a double take to be sure of what Eve just had said.
Ayme was the first person who didn't blame him for her father’s misery? Say that again? I took a good look at the girl standing in front of me. Her blond curls bounced slightly when she walked and her green eyes were sparkling. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of her. One hand rested on her hip while she stood deliberately, watching every move we made. It made me feel like she was everything I could never be. Beautiful, but most of all... secure. Being forced to move every few years didn't do a lot of good to feeling.. well.. good. I had never had the chance to call a place my home, and it made me feel insecure to a high level.