I'm not supposed to love you

Chapter 1

Texas woke up to some very New York words being screamed outside his door. Ever since he moved to the statehouse this is unfortunately a common occurrence. With an audible groan he pulls himself out of bed. He pushes past two northeast states arguing and makes his way to the kitchen.

The government is already leaning on the counter drinking coffee from an insanely large mug. The red state is sure to leave enough coffee for Georgia when getting his, before making it to the meeting room.

Florida and Louisiana are already in there with a couple other states. The room is silent except for the sound of Louie and Florida whispering and a few states texting. A few minutes later the government walks in with a few other states trailing behind him and the meeting starts.

Not even five minutes into the meeting Florida has already talked about burning a federal office down and Alabama and Tennessee are in a huge argument with the government over some dumb law.

"If only federal law had something that would protect those people." Florida says with a giggle.

The government shakes his head nervously. "Can we not talk about that."

Texas looks over to California's spot waiting for him to start, only to see that he isn't there.

"Where is Cali?" He asks.

"Don't worry 'bout that liberal." Tennessee says. "It'll be a better meeting without him." A few others from the south laugh and agree.

Texas tries to avoid frowning. He actually doesn't mind the western state that much. Although he is wrong most of the time, he isn't as bad as most states make him out to be. Texas keeps those opinions to himself though. Defending someone like that's honour isn't exactly his style.

"The Disney in California sucks!" Florida calls.

His orange beanie is slightly askew as California falls into his chair. "Do you mind? I'm busy."

"We have the meeting today." The government says simply. "We need everyone here so we can talk about the new COVID plan."

"Wearin' masks is against the constitution." Texas says without hesitation.

"How is it any different then the law already requiring you to wear clothes?" California asks.

"Actually, you don't have to do that in my state." Vermont pipes up.

Cali just sends him an irritated look. "It is proven to save lives. Why won't you just protect you people?"

The rest of the meeting they argue over the new plan and, despite Texas's better judgment, it gets passed. After the meeting he tries to head to his room but gets stopped by Florida.

"Why were you so worried about California today?"

Texas hesitates, trying to come up with an answer. "He was being lazy by skipping the meeting."

Florida doesn't look convinced. "You sure? Cause the rest of the south seemed happy he wasn't there."

"Ah." Texas stammers.

"Florida, I have an idea!" Louisiana yells from the other side of the house.

Florida, obviously not convinced, gives Texas one last look before running off to cause problems. Beside him the government runs out of the meeting room at full speed to stop whatever chaos is about to happen. 

When Texas heads back to his room he thinks about what Florida said and can't come up with a good reason why he was so worried about California. Unless... He shuts those thoughts down real quick. There is no way he is going against his beliefs again.

With only a little bit of hesitation Texas pulls out his guitar and starts playing, trying to wipe his mind clean.

Take me to Texas
Two hundred years ago
Where a pride rose from the ashes of San Jacinto,

The words flow easily as he strums the chords. His head clears as the sound fills the room, leaving no room for unpleasant thoughts.

It still beats in every heart
Like a battle cry
Where I was born, where I was raised, so when I die,

Texas allows the music to take him to a better time. When things where simpler and without modern politics he could keep his people happy and healthy so much easier. He lets the music take him back to before the blueberry field with Hidalgo.

Texas jumps as someone knocks on the door. He checks the clock beside his bed. 12:34. Lunch time.

He hurry's over to open it. "Utah made sandwiches." Louisiana says.

Texas follows the other state to the kitchen and sits down next to Tennessee. Grabbing a tiny sandwich, he looks around the room.

Louie has joined Florida and the two are whispering in the corner. Utah is trying to convince the government to take a break while the two move around the kitchen, trying to make enough food for all 50 states.

For a moment he can't find California and gets worried but then he spots him sitting on a chair in the living room reading, with a small plate of cookies beside him. Utah walks over to the nation state and swaps the cookies for sandwiches. California doesn't even look up from his book as he starts eating the new food.

As Utah walks back, he gives Texas a look and the red state realizes he was staring. He quickly turns back into the kitchen and strikes up a conversation with Tennessee.

Only a few minutes later Texas notices as California walks over and dumps his plate into the sink. Time seems to freeze as California's sleeve rolls up, showing a small round mark on his wrist.

The state finds himself unable to breath. He quickly excuses himself, interrupting Tennessee's rant about the government. He runs to his room brushing past Florida painting something in the hallway. The door slams behind Texas. His hart slams un his chest as he tries to get air. His back slides against the wall till he hits the floor. Everything feels like jello. The world seems out of focus, like he is underwater. Something is blocking his throat. He can't breath. 

"Breath." He tries but he can't. He can't breath. "Slowly." He tries again choking some air into his lungs. "1,2,3,4" Texas keeps breathing slowly, still choking but gaining more control.

He opens his eyes to see a concerned Florida. "Sorry." He chokes out.

"Are you ok?" Florida asks. Texas puts his head in his hands. The other state at leased deserves an explanation for the fuss.

"It's California." Is all he says.

Florida pauses for a moment, a rare thing for the other state and Texas begins to worry. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Your not grossed out?"

"Why would I be? It's an odd match but you guys would be good for each other."

Texas takes another deep breath. "You really think so?" Internally, he scolds himself for being so venerable.

"Ya." Is all Florida responds with. "Do you mind if I put on some music." Texas shakes his head, and the other state settles in on the floor beside him before pulling out his phone.

His thoughts drown out the music and Florida's awful duet. Maybe he could live with this. Mexico's words keep coming back to him though. The stories from the bible still keep him from exploring the possibility of telling California.

A.N. I'm not  sure how long I'm going to make this yet but it defenitley wont be to many chapters.

I must admit this story has a little bit of my expiriences working through internalised homophobia minus the religous part.

I am not religous and this book does focus a lot on that so if I get anything wrong please let me know.