sex addicts [michael clifford]

34: the real end

the month following michael's death, devon was never the same.

she wouldn't go out as often or talk to friends. she completely quit going to school, and wouldn't show up for any of her scheduled classes. while her parents were busy at work and thought she was diligently attending school, she was lying at home curled up in bed. most likely crying, sometimes whimpering, always overcome by sadness.

she stopped eating as much. whenever she was at dinner, and would take a few bites before pushing her plate away, insisting that she wasn't hungry and had already had something before dinner. she lost weight. she stopped drinking water as much. she could feel herself deteriorating.

occassionally, the thought of ending her life crossed her mind. but whenever she emptied a bottle of pills into her hand she couldn't bring herself to swallow them. she couldn't do it. not yet.

no matter how hard she tried to forget, devon could not forget the gypsy's words, which so far had proven to be true. devon was to die a month after michael. how could this be? depression? hunger? dehydration? a broken heart?

whatever it was, it finally came to fruition one night. devon's parents came home from work, only to receive word of devon's report card from the first month of school. she had failed all her classes, obviously, with note that she hadn't shown up to any sessions, not even one. they decided to disregard the fact that devon had lost the love of her life just a month before.

"devon peterson, what the hell is this?" her father screamed, slamming the paper down on the kitchen table with force. devon flinched, bringing her knees to her chin and curling up in a small ball. she was not used to getting yelled at so violently.

"i didn't go to class," she murmured, almost afraid of her parents hearing her.

her mother shook her head and frowned. "this is unacceptable devon. i know you're upset that your friend died but - "

"friend?" devon asked with a newfound strength behind her words. "he wasn't just a friend, mom. i loved him. he was the only person in this world that made me feel worth something. what don't you understand?"

she scoffed, giving her husband a critical look. "honey, you're only nineteen. what do you know about love? you've been dating the boy for, what, two and a half months? you can't fall in love that quickly. it's not possible. that boy didn't love you, and if he told you he did he was blind."

"and don't try to change the subject, devon. you're failing! you're not even bothering to show up to class! you need to put this boy's death behind you and do something with your life! it's been a month, how much longer are we going to wait?"

"as long as it takes!" devon screamed, standing up and throwing them both a look of disbelief. tears prickled in the corner of her eyes. "i can't recover from something like this. not ever, now that i think of it. and if you think for a second, mom, that michael didn't love me, you're wrong. he loved me with his life. he died for me, for christ's sake! it's all my fault. all my fault, all my fault..." she trailed off, trying in a hurry to wipe the tears away.

she ran out of the room quickly, ignoring their yells. "devon, this isn't over!" her dad yelled, but all she managed to yell back was, "screw yourself."

as she entered her room, she collapsed on her bed and cried. and she didn't stop crying for hours and hours until her eyes were fresh out of tears and the hallway light shut off, signaling that her parents had gone to bed. the least they could do was check on her. great parents.

she buried her face in her pillow. michael loved her right? michael loved her, and he would want her to live.

but she had no reason to live. the world had nothing to offer in comparison to what michael had.

but she couldn't just end her life for a boy. she was much more than that.

but he wasn't just another boy that died. he was her other half, her source of happiness.

and it was at this point where devon dug out the bottle of pills she kept hidden in the drawer of her nightstand. she crept to the kitchen wordlessly, grabbing a pen and paper from the counter and began writing, leaving blobs of wet tears on the paper.

mom and dad -

if you're reading this, i'm gone. dead. dead as a fucking doornail. i hope you're happy. i mean, you couldn't accept the fact that i needed time to cope. time really is the key here, isn't it? he died in a month, and i died the month after. and now all i need is more time. i guess i'm just time-hungry, aren't i?

i don't think you understand this clearly enough. michael made me the happiest person alive. without him, i was so lifeless. no one will even know i'm gone. no one missed me or called me or asked how i was, not even you. nobody cared, but he was the only one who did.

i've gone through a lot of painful things in my life. one of them was when i got my first flu shot as a child, and i remember crying out at the sharp pinch. another was when our class hamster, freddie died, in fifth grade. another was when i fell and broke my knee, and i can still hear the crack of the bone from when i slipped on the ice.

but i'll tell you this: i'd rather get a million flu shots and break my knee a million times than relive the moment when i found out michael died. i had never been in that much pain in my life.

and so, i'm in heaven now, i guess. where i have all the time i need.

i love you and you're forever in my heart.

- devon

with the final scribble of the pen, devon's hands were shaking so wildly that she had to take five minutes to calm herself down. she slowly filled a glass up with water and emptied the pills into her palm. this was it.

one at a time, they entered her mouth and were washed down by water. one at a time, they entered her blood and weakened her system. one at a time, they caused her to fade away from reality and closer to michael.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the story of two crazed sex addicts ends. they ended up together, just not in the place they had assumed. you may ask, dear reader, why devon wouldn't just simply get over michael. why wouldn't she move on and stop loving this boy?

i guess some habits are just hard to break.

THE END

-

HOLY MOTHER AFWEIUBAWEIUABPWEIUFB OK THE END

i hope you enjoyed this story. i mean it didn't end so great but all the shit in the middle was gr9!!

wow im so proud of myself i actually finished a story woah woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh clap for me

i'm sorry if any of you cried and you all probably hate me right now but not everything in this world is happy ok

i love you i love you i love you

thank you so much for reading, it means so much!! xx amanda :)))))