Pieces of Writing

Sexuality

Has there ever been a situation where people accused you of being something you're not? Has there ever been a time when people claimed you weren't straight? A time when there was a rumor of you getting it on in the bathroom with one of your best friends? 6th grade. My friends started avoiding me, saying that they didn't want me to hit on them. It pisses me off. One more thought I had, if I had a girlfriend (they were claiming she was my girlfriend) why would I hit on anyone else? Where is the decency in that? The way they all avoided me thinking that I had no dignity as in to throw myself on to anyone of the same gender. No one should be treated like a whore based on their sexuality. And no one should deny your right to say if you are straight or not. In 6th grade I hadn't even thought about my sexuality, actually, I only figured out that I was demisexual in high school junior year. The thing is this gossip about me making out with my girlfriend, as in friend that's a girl, came around before pride was a thing. Pride wasn't okay until like a year later, funny enough everyone pretended like these rude accusations and actions never happened. Hypocrites. What's even funnier was that after making me and my friend appear like horny people who would hump any female nearby, people started saying they were gay or bi. This rumor impacted me a lot, the friend that was accused of being my girlfriend and I grew separate, we stopped talking to each other thinking that the other was mad. I thought she didn't want to be friends with me and she thought I didn't want to be friends with her. We didn't get to make up and solve our misunderstandings until a year or two later.

I have to say being demisexual is hard, most people don't understand it or know much about it, in some sense when I try to explain they always react "isn't that just normal?" and I'm like "no, it's a grayscale of asexual". Anyway, funny or maybe not so funny story, my friend and I were at a bus stop waiting for the bus to head to her home, and there was this random dude, guy, man, much older might I add, and asked us if we had ever dated a man and some really random personal questions. It was exceptionally creepy and I was trying to hint to my friend to not talk to him. But because he already started asking a bunch of questions and my friend ended up replying, I responded by saying I was in love with my phone and hoped he would take a hint, the dude started saying some rather awkward advice to go out more, then I decided to explain that I was demisexual and probably won't date anyone. He didn't understand and I really wanted him to back up. Honestly, it was a rather funny and disturbing experience, luckily he left after a few minutes, and my friend and I laughed about it because his means of starting a conversation went out of common sense and courtesy.

My mom doesn't want me to date a woman. But then again she didn't want me to marry a black person either, on the premise she thinks they make ugly babies. Although I'm not so sure if she is against me dating a black person now, although she still doesn't want me to date a woman. So basically publicly I'm out of the closet, at home I'm in it. Although she doesn't go as far as one of my best friend's parents. They are obscured, as they believe that LGBTQ+ are abominations and would be the shame of the family. My mom said that if I bought a women's home she would break down. I'm not really sure what to do. I'm not even sure if I will find a person to bring home in the first place.