Pieces of Writing

Betrayal, Abandonment, Greed & Family

This may have to do with my shitty personality and the harsh reality that hit me when I first started to go to school, but what I desire most in life is loyalty and trust, someone I know who will never leave or abandon me. This is probably one of the greediest desires I hold as a person, besides my obsessive craving for boba and sweets. I have had many friends who I meet and then they ditch me. There have been multiple occasions where I have been left behind, hurt, and betrayed by friends. I now just consider them as two-faced backstabbing liars. In elementary school, my best friend started to avoid me saying her mom thought I was a bad influence, really it was mostly her pinning the blame on me in front of her mom. I had left my phone (an iPhone 3) at her house and we had called her to ask if she had it, she said no. But really she was using it to watch Netflix, I don't know if Netflix still has this property, but it used to keep track of the accounts and when it was being used, and what was being watched. She was using my phone (in some sense it was more like a tiny tablet because there was no sim) to watch Netflix. My dad had to call her parents and say they would call the cops if she didn't return it.

Later one of my friends started to spread rumors that I was gay and made out with my best friend in the girl's bathroom. My best friend and I were like sisters, we knew each other since fourth grade, I would jokingly kiss her forehead or cheek, we had sleepovers, and other what not. But we were "framed" as gay and was isolated by our peers.

I seemed to be placed by the transfer student a lot, I would be the first person they talked to, I would show them around the school, I was the first person they befriended. In 5th grade, in fact, I had met her sooner than 5th grade, I had met her in summer camp. In class she had this really weird experimental hobby of mixing water and glue, I had told her I didn't want to be a part of it, and I wouldn't take any blame if the teacher asked about it, she agreed and continued playing with her glue concoction. I knew about it, suggested she should stop, and told her I wasn't going to be a part of it even if she got in trouble. I wouldn't say anything to help her because she shouldn't be messing around with it during class. She got in trouble and had to write a reflection paper. She got mad at me for not stepping in for her. I don't really get it, I had told her many times that she shouldn't be messing around in class, and it was rather distracting. She never listened and once she got in trouble she blamed me. There was also a period of time where we would discuss crushes or at least boys we thought were cute, I said I had a new crush because she kept asking but I didn't want to tell her, so she then said she also had a new crush and would only tell me if I told her mine, so I told her, she then told me she didn't have a new crush and she just wanted to know who my new crush was. But later the news of who I had a crush on was basically widespread around school.

I wasn't the most popular, in fact, there wasn't exactly the stereotypical "popular" group in our school. But in 6th grade I befriended the new student again... and the new student stopped talking to me shortly after the rumors occurred. In 7th grade I befriended the new student, I really don't know why I kept having new students as my seat partner, she actually turned out to be a really mean person and was exceptionally rude and selfish.

I have a complex about people leaving, to the point where I will never ask them to stay. I am like a piece of driftwood in the ocean and will be passed along with the waves of the sea. There were times when my friends moved schools or when they stopped going to the afterschool program I went to. In fact, I didn't collect my friends contact information until like high school. Around the time I got Instagram. Well, I didn't get a smartphone (with data and a sim) until high school. It was usually a smartphone (without a sim) that I would use as a game phone. The funny thing is many people (that I consider more like an acquaintance rather than a friend) were shocked that I had social media, well I don't really use it much. But most of the friends that I made and been left by I don't have their number, address, or social media. So in a sense, they are gone forever unless I miraculously meet them coincidently. In fact, I had friends that left in elementary school, one of them I befriended in first grade and she had moved. I thought she moved to China. Turns out she just ended up in a different school in the same district. Another moved to a different city (and distinct) although I met them once or twice because they came to Solano stroll, although I don't have their contact information. In 3rd grade, there were these Korean twins that I befriended and we cried together when they had to move back to Korea, and in 4th grade, there was another girl that was a foreign exchange student that had to move back to her home country. I have made many friends over the course of my life, and many of them I can never meet again.