Just Steve

F O U R

Well, this was going to be awkward. 

Following Steve through shiny elevators, long corridors and a beautiful lobby, you waited for him to speak. Instead you both walked silently, preparing for the uncomfortable conversation that was undoubtedly about to happen. The air between you was thick, the tension palpable.

Eventually, Steve opened a door and you found yourself standing on a sidewalk just outside the tower. The cold air rushed onto your face and you shook involuntarily. Seeing your reaction to the chilly February weather, Steve leaned forward zipping your jacket until his hand brushed your chin. Immediately remembering the similar encounter from the night before, you stood frozen locked in his gaze. 

Maybe it was the fact that he was a superhero, or maybe it was because he had been able to make you feel better the night before, but something about him made you feel comfortable and safe. You wanted to close the rest of the distance between you, eliminating the space keeping you apart. But it was this very feeling that scared the shit out of you. 

You couldn't let yourself need him. You couldn't let yourself need anyone. The events of last night had proven that. What was that phrase again? The ones that you love the most can hurt you the most? You had given all of yourself to James, and had spent years with Amanda crying about boys, stressing about exams, getting into trouble after many shots of tequila. They were supposed to be your people, and look where that had gotten you?

Steve had only spent one night with you, but if he stayed in your life you would inevitably start to have feelings for him. How could you not? The man was practically perfect in every way. You needed to get out now, when it wouldn't hurt you to do so. You stepped back and his hand fell from your chin back to his side. There was a flash in his eyes as you moved away but it quickly vanished as he finally opened his mouth to speak, breaking the silence. 

"So what was the plan?" he began, his eyes staring into yours but you couldn't read what the emotion was. The man was clearly better at hiding his thoughts and feelings than you were. "Were you just going to sneak out without telling me?"

His words felt like a punch straight to your stomach, and they were totally called for. You knew you should apologize for trying to sneak out unnoticed. Part of you wanted to admit defeat and cower under the tower that seemed to loom over you ominously. Then you remembered he was not the only one with a reason to be angry. You stood a little taller and sighed staring back at him.  

"Well, when were you planning on telling me that you're Captain America?"

"(Y/N) I wanted to tell you I just... " he trailed off and (Y/N) could tell he was having a hard time finding the right words to express how he was feeling. You decided then that you didn't even need an explanation. It was his own business why he didn't tell you. Anyways, it's not like he had directly lied to you, you had just been too drunk to notice you were talking to Steve Rogers. Even more so, you knew any explanation he could give would probably melt your resistance making it ten times harder for you to leave. And you had to leave. 

"Look Steve, I'm sure you had your reasons for not telling me and you don't have to explain. I'm sorry for trying to sneak out without talking to you first, it was a crappy thing to do. I just can't do all this," you finished, your hands motioning between the two of you.

"I don't understand," his voice was indifferent and even as he continued. "Why not?"

"This is all just happening too fast. I don't blame you for anything that happened last night, I take full responsibility for all of it. It's just that... I just broke up with my boyfriend-"

"Because he cheated on you. I would never do that. I promise I'm not that kind of guy," Steve cut her off before she could finish.

Funny, James had made that promise once too. You started to get more frustrated. You had never been good at talking about yourself or your feelings. Steve was like James. He was the type of man that would be able to break down your walls and find his way into her heart but you needed those walls. They were your only method of preventing what happened with James and Amanda from repeating itself. Maybe Steve wouldn't cheat on you, but there were other ways in which he could break your heart. Deciding to take a different strategy and steer the conversation as far away from your insecurities as possible you changed your tactics. 

"It was just one night. What did you think was going to happen?"

"Don't do that," his words came out like a growl, finally showing the emotion that he had been keeping below the surface. 

"Do what?" you scoffed, not letting his sudden show of emotion break you.

"Don't pretend like last night didn't mean anything to you!" he said, staring you down with a look that you weren't sure whether it was passion or just plain anger.

"We were drunk, I was upset and you were there. Thanks for making me feel better, and thanks for letting me stay the night. But that's all it was. One night. What else do you want from me?" 

Steve saw through your bullshit easily. He had always been good at reading people, it was part of his job. As much as you could deny it, he knew that last night you had seen him as more than a meaningless one night stand. While you put up a tough exterior, it was obvious to him that you weren't ready to face whatever potential feelings you could develop if you stayed here with him. 

You needed a reason to walk away from him without feeling guilty for not looking back. It broke his heart. He wanted you to stay, to spend more time together and get underneath the sarcasm you use as a shield just as he used his with stars and stripes. But that was not what you needed. At least not right now.

"You know what? You're right," he said evenly, all emotion vanishing from his face and replaced with an even and hard stare.

"What do you mean?" you asked, taken a back by his abrupt change of tone.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have let you come here, you should leave."

Your eyes went wide as you stared at him in shock. Just moments ago he wanted you to stay now he was pushing you away. Why did he change his mind so quickly? He probably hated you now and you didn't blame him. You were a wreck. Steve is Captain America, he had more important things to be bothered with than dealing with your mess. He didn't need you dragging him down. This had been what you wanted right? He was giving you a reason to leave, to walk away without giving him the chance to hurt you. To be alone like you wanted to. You tried to form words but nothing came out. Why was it so hard to form words?

"Just go, (Y/N)," he said shortly. "You know you want to."

You looked into his blue eyes for a final time before turning around and walking away from the tower. Away from last night, away from Steve, and back to reality.