Risen- Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 39

—Harry POV—

In all the 31 years of my life, it shocks me that I never gazed upon the skyline of a busy city at night. Everything glows and it's all right next to everything else, looking across it's busy streets, and it's almost comforting in all of it's hazy, bright, colorful, cramped glory. It makes you believe that anything is possible.

Draco had offered to open the curtains, and now I'm grateful for having said sure, because it gives me something to look at as the night rolls through, as I think about things.

I wondered if Sirius ever liked to look at city lights.

"Hey, Padfoot..." I shut my mouth tight. How stupid, trying to see if he'll listen to me, after all I've done. "I don't know if you're there, but..." I swallowed, taking in a breath. "Please be there..." The words burst out of my mouth, despite any and all protests, because really; how could I be so selfish?

"Pads, I'm sorry, okay? I swear on my life that I never meant- I didn't... please believe me..." my voice cracked and wavered until fresh tears sprung from my eyes, "Please Pads, You've got to believe me, I-" The words caught in my throat, and my breaths were uneven.

"I didn't. You were my last chance. I didn't... Please, give me a sign, something. Please, let me know that it's okay... that it was simply a mistake, that it wasn't my f-" I found myself grasping at the sides of my hospital tunic, rubbing it between my fingers. I felt trapped in this room of white and grey, frantically looking around for a way out, but I couldn't move at all. The silence that followed was suffocating. He wasn't there. It's not okay. It was my fault.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot. I... Please forgive me. I didn't mean to, please-"

I couldn't speak any longer as I was overcome with sobs and hiccups and warm, salty, tears streaming down my face. I grabbed at my tunic and the bed, trying my hardest not to grab at my arms. The lack of any sound that could be perceived as some sort of sign, anything, pressed down onto my chest and my throat, smothering out any sort of air. Apologizing is no use. Who would forgive something so horrible?

I don't know how loud I was, but I really couldn't pay much attention to anything this moment. I kept looking around at my hospital room, at this infernal place. I'm glad my tears blurred my vision.

"Mr. Evans? Mr. Evans, are you all right?" I heard a semblance of a voice ring in my ears. I felt two gloved hands grab my shoulders, and I tensed, then subsequently stopped moving, My breathing was still unsteady as I tried to find who was holding me down. Perhaps Draco-

"Mr. Evans, you were thrashing around in your bed," the voice said again. It was my nurse.

"O-Oh... I'm sorry." I sat up and wiped the tears and snot off my face with a tissue she had handed me.

"It's okay. Are you all right? I can call a doctor if you'd like," she asked while grabbing a notepad and writing something in it with a pen.

"Um, ma'am, what are you writing?" I inquired while sitting up to look at her and what she was writing.

"Just what happened and how I found you a minute before in this room. This will be reported to your physician and Dr. Gilroy," she said in a monotone manner, putting the notepad on a cart near my bed.

"Okay... Thanks for, y'know... coming in." I put my hands on my thighs, rubbing light circles.

I've just realized. The nurse walked in on me having a breakdown... Will she report that and make me stay longer? I felt my mouth form into a scowl and my brow furrow at the thought of spending more time in this place. I gulped.