Hard To Reach

kabanata 7

Nagising akong mugto ang mata. Matamlay akong nag ayos nang aking sarili at inihanda na ang aking mga kagamitan.

Sabay kaming pumasok tatlo sa classroom. Malalim aking napabuntong hininga nang makitang wala si Archer sa upuan nya  instead it was a girl, if I remember it right Mathilda ata ang pangalan nya. Mapait akong napangiti and sat beside her. Akmang magpapakilala na sana ako nang bigla nalang ako nito ismiran.

Our presentation went....well akward. Iniwasan kong makalapit kina Archer at nantiling nakatayo sa gilid. We got an A+ meaning wala kaming dapat pagbayaran sa kanila. Maganda na iyon at wala nang dahilan upang makasalamuha sakanila.

"Punta tayong mall this weekend" pag aaya ni Azi samin. I just gave her a half hearted smile at tumanggi

"Pass muna ako, I need to go somewhere this weekend" mahinang sabi ko. Napatingin naman sakin si Alia nang may pagtataka ngunit nawala din nang bigla syang maalala

"Anniversary nya ba sa sunday" malungkot nyang tanong. Marahan akong tumango sakanya.

Bumilis ang tibok nang puso ko nang madaanan kami ng mga Elites. Patago kaming nginitian nang kambal habang ang dalawa naman ay nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Acher still harbored that cold expression of his.  Napakatanga ko talaga. pero eto naman ginusto mo diba mapalayo sa kanila. nakuha mo na but why am I still feeling guilty?

Days passed by. Napakabilis ng araw. I decided to wear a white simple sleeveless dress that was 2 inches above the knee. Ipinusod ko ang aking buhok at kinuha ang susi ng kotse ko.

"Ingat ka" paalam sakin nina Alia at Azi.

"Sakin pa talaga kayo nag alala"i chuckled at isnara na ang pinto ng dorm.

Tahimik ang buong campus, halos walang estudyanteng makikita. Siguro lahat ay nag papahinga pa. Alasiyete palang naman kasi ng umaga.

I arrived at the almost empty parking lot. I drove to the nearest flower shop upang daanan ang pinagawa kong boquet ng white roses. Nagbayad ako at muling nagmaneho.

It took me half an hour to arrive at the cemetary. Nangilid muli ang luha ko nang makarating na ako sa puntod nya. I placed the boquet at the basket placed just beside his tomb. Nag sindi narin ako ng kandila at nag usal ng dasal

"Hey" panimula ko

"Musta ka na dyan kuya."

" Masaya na ba kayo ni ate Alira? Don't tell me hanggang dyan sa heaven nililigawan mo parin sya" napatawa nalang ako sa kung ano anong sinasabi ko.

"Ako ok lang naman. Lumalaban pa. Mom and Dad are busy with work as usual. Ano pa bang aasahan natin sakanila" sumbong ko sakanya. I felt lighter talking to him. Alam kong kahit papano maririnig nya ako. That's what lola said to me.

"Drama ko ba masyado?" I stared at the clear vast sky. "I miss you kuya" i sighed.

My brother died because of a car accident. I remebered not eating for days after kong malaman iyon. I was devastated. I only had my brother by my side. Pilit kong tinanong sa mundo kung bakit sya pa? Why did it have to take my kuya so earyl. Nung una hindi ko matanggap, i locked my self in the room. I shut everyong out even Alia. I lost my knight and shinning armor. I reminisced everything. On how he pulled pranks at me, kung paano sya manlambing, his embrace, kung paano nya ako ispoil at inisin. I loved everything about my kuya, he was tge best.

Nagpaalam na ako sakanya. For one last time. Nilingon ko ang puntod nya I smiled and whispered I love you. Biglang lumakas ang hangin. "Is this you hugging me now" i chuckeld lightly. It still hurts, the wound might have healed but the scar stayed. masakit paring mawalan ng mahal sa buhay.

Dinama ko ang simoy nang hangin, I smile crept its way on my face. Unti unti kong idinilat ang aking mga mata habang pinapakiramdaman ang aking paligid. I was taken a back when I met the gaze of Archer Cohen few meters away from me. Nakasuot sya ng puting polo shirt at washed blue tattered pants. Napansin kong may hawak itong bulaklak sa kaliwa nyang kamay. Hindi ko inasahang makikita ko sya ngayon

Umiwas ako ng tingin at naglakad na patungo sa aking kotse. Nagulat ako nang biglang may humawak sa aking palapulsuhan.for the second time, I met his electric blue eyes. We stayed in that position for a few minutes when he placed his hands at on his nape.

"Could you spare me some of your time?" Parang nahihiya pang tanong nya habang nakatingin sa isang gilid.

nauna na syang maglakad. pinagmasdan ko lang ang likod nya. nang napansin nyang hindi ako nakasunod sa kanya ay tumigil sya at muli akong nilingon

"I'm sorry"i finally said. Tumingin namin ito sa akin. His expression bacame soft. it was a whole new Archer Cohen. "alam kong mali ang ginawa ko. I'm sorry" ulit ko. lumapit naman muli ito sa akin at hinila ako. 

he held my hand carefully like a fragile glass. I didn't expect this. akala ko sisigawan nya ako, susungitan, tratatuhin ng masama, just like the what usually happens in the stories o kaya naman sa totoong buhay. it was the opposite.

Tumigil kami sa isang puntod. Maraming bulaklak ang nakapalibot dito. Parang araw araw may dumadalaw. I watched as Archer placed the boquet right at the middle. May napansin akong larawan sa gilid. It was the girl in the painting.

"She's Ezra"panimula ni Archer. I saw a glint of sadness in his eyes. Gone was his cold identity. He was showing me a completely different side of him.

"My younger sister" pagtutuloy nya. I saw how he lopsidedly smiled.

"She died because of me. It's  the greatest regret I have to carry my whole life." Bigla akong nakaramdam ng awa. I can't bilieve that Archer was opening up to me considering how private and hard for him to tell that.

"Paano nangyari" i know it was out of the line for me to ask him pero i had tge urge that i needed to

Napahinga syang malalim bago muling magsalita"Kinulit nyang sumama sakin. It was past midnight. I was in my rebel stage as a teen ager, basagulero."mahina syang napatawa "we were on our way home nang biglang may grupong humarang sa amin. They were supposed to kill me,ako ang puntirya nila but instead. Ezra took the shot. I watched my sister as her life was slowly taken away from her. If only I was a responsible kuya. Kung sana naging matapang man lang ako" hi bit his lower lips at sinuklay ang kanyang buhok .

"I felt that i needed to tell you this, sorry for acting like a jerk" paghingi nya ng tawad na sinagot sa pamamagitan ng pagngiti

"If only we could turn back time"umupo ako sa tabi nya.

"Maraming pag sisi sa buhay natin. Marami tayong what if's. We always choose to dwell at the past.Pero Archer, I'm sure Ezra's happy now" lumingon naman ito sa akin. His thick brows met.

"So you should be too. Sa tingin mo ba magugustuhan nyang makita kang ganyan. Everything happens for a reason so don't put the blame on yourself. Huwag mong pasanin lahat. Sometimes you just have to learn to let go, i think then, Ezra would be proud of you" muling umihip ang hangin. Tanging ang huni ng mga ibon at dumuduyang dahon mula sa mga puno ang maririnig.

He stared deeply into my eyes. He heaved a sigh at nagpakawala ng ngiti. His soft hair was gracefully swept by the wind. Naestatwa ako nang bigla nalang nya aking yakapin. "Thank you Asther" he whispered in my ear. My tensed body started to slowly relaxed. I patted his back.

Everyone has a past wish to run away from, to hide and never to remember again.

What we don't realize is we are selves are the ones who choose to lock our selves in it. You don't need to run away from it. Face it head on and start walking towards the future. That's the only way we can truly find happiness.