This Is How You Get Her Back (Jenlisa)

CHAPTER 19

"Lisa, can we talk?"

"Come in," she replies.

Nervous, I open the door to her room. Her familiar scent hits me, and I realize how long it's been since I've last stepped into this room. I spot her lying down on her bed and staring at the ceiling, a whole stack of unread papers beside her head.

"Hi," I greet her shyly.

She pats the spot beside her on the bed, so I crawl beside her and sit cross-legged. I bring out a flash drive from my pocket, and place it beside her hand.

"I downloaded Lincoln and House of Cards in there. I bumped into your professor while I was getting groceries last night, and she said that it was supposed to help you understand law stuff better, so... yeah."

She turns her head and she finally looks at me. I can't even read her anymore. "Thank you."

"I hope it helps."

She smiles at me, and I think my heart just blew up. "I'm sure it will."

"What's this?" I ask, referring to the stack of papers.

"Readings. I'm 2 weeks behind."

I frown. "You're never behind on schoolwork."

"It's been rough lately. I couldn't exactly focus," she humourlessly chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I can't even say her name. I don't want to say it, Jennie." Is it weird that I felt butterflies when she said my name?

I pause for a while to think of a reply. "I needed something that felt safe," I start. "I just... you screamed and I got triggered again after how many years because you're you and you never scream. I... I freaked out and I didn't want to explode, so when she kissed me, I kissed her back because it felt safe. It lasted a second and I stopped her when I realized what happened. You know it didn't mean anything and I regret it so much. But I know it's no excuse, and I am so so sorry. And I'm willing to wait until I deserve your forgiveness."

"I really want to forgive you, but it hurts so much, babe," she says, her voice slightly shaking. "Like, you know I've never really been vocal about cheesy things, but I just... I thought you were the one. I didn't know you could do that."

"But I still am. I'm all yours, Lisa. I promise you it won't happen ever again. I haven't even spoken to Jisoo since. Just please give me a chance. I messed up; I know I did. But I'm working on it, and—"

She holds my hand, sending a wave of electricity through me and jolting me awake after me being nothing for over a week. And as cliche as it may sound, I finally feel home.

"It's killing me to be away from you, you know," she says softy.

Knowing it drives her crazy, I rub my thumb over her hand. "Then stop pushing me away."

She smiles. "We're beginning to sound like some cheesy drama," she says, making me chuckle lightly.

I sigh. "We can take it really slow, you know. Just give me a chance. We can work on this, please?"

"Okay."

"I swear it won't happen again, babe, just please—wait, what?"

She laughs. And I think I can die peacefully right now. "I said okay. We'll take it slow."

My eyes widen and I fight the urge to hug her. "Okay," I breathe out. "Yeah. Okay. Slow."

She interlaces her fingers with mine, and I pretty much melt in her hands.

But I'm again reminded of last night's events. "Can I ask you something?" I ask.

"Always."

"Why'd you do it? Last night?"

She shuts her eyes as if in pain. "I couldn't."

"You couldn't...?"

She opens her eyes and looks at me. "I couldn't do it. We got in the room and she tried to kiss me and I just couldn't. I rejected sex, Jennie. Me. I couldn't do it. So she slept on the bed and I slept on the floor. And I'm so disgusted with myself for even trying and I'm so sorry—"

"Please don't apologize—"

She begins tearing up. "All I could see was your face when you saw me enter through the door and now that moment's forever etched in my head because I've never seen you look so crushed and it was my fault. I wanted to run to you and tell you that I'm so sorry and I just—you even helped me with the flowers and the dinner and I'm so angry with myself and I hate myself and why did you have to be so nice? I don't want to keep feeling like this, Jennie." She presses the heel of her palm on her eyes, and I see a few tears spill out the edges of her hand.

And I realize I'd rather see her sleep with different girls every night than see her in this much pain.

"I love you," I say with as much sincerity as I can.

Her red eyes peeks through her hands. "I love you."

No words can describe how full my heart is right now. She still loves me.

"Please don't cry. It hurts me to see you like this," I admit.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Can I lay with you?"

"Yes, please."

I place her readings on the nightstand, then I nervously crawl into bed beside her. She pulls me closer, her arms around my waist, her lips on my forehead, and my head comfortably on her chest. Her scent fills my head and her familiar warmth calms my entire body. Now this, this is home. The things I would give to stay like this forever.

I hold on to her and pull her closer because I feel like she'd disappear if I let her go even slightly.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"I know. I missed you, too."

I release a content sigh. "Thank you for finally talking to me."

"We'll take things slow, okay?"

"Okay. I'll do anything you ask, Lisa. Anything."

I feel her body relax. "How was your day? How was Bazaar? I hate myself for not being there to support you, and I am so sorry, so please tell me everything I missed."